A Shoe in the Road

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There is a phenomenon or call it a freakish anomaly of our society that I have known about since I could see and comprehend what a shoe was, further, who in the hell loses a WHOLE shoe in the middle of the road? This is something I have noticed my entire life and it baffles me that these shoes are so hard to control as one of the pair decides it can’t take it anymore and leaps out of a moving car preferring a dangerous and destructive life to what it had before.

If you just sit and think about it for a minute, why, it’s the weirdest damn thing to try and wrap your head around and I ask again, “Who in the hell loses an entire shoe out the window on a drive and why is it just one because I’ve NEVER seen a pair lying out there in the road.”

If you have seen a pair lying out on the road, you are shoe spying royalty in my opinion because to me that is about a rare as finding a 4 leaf clover, I have found exactly none in my whole life. My mother, on the other hand, has found about 45,678 of them and that was just last week, she’s some sort of clover whisperer I think.

I have seen all kinds of different lone shoes lying out there in the road such as a boot, a high heel, a tennis shoe, a flip-flop, a slipper, etc. etc. What is with these feet coverings that are causing this odd phenomenon on our roads and highways?

I can totally see a show come on about this because if we are going to do reality TV with people like, bless her, Honey Boo Boo or those freakish possessed housewives, why in the hell not do a show on the lone shoes that litter our streets in America. Better yet, I see it kind of modeling those folks that are looking for Sasquatch.

Now, I can totally see a 2-year-old figure out how to take his/her shoe off and chucking it out the window though oddly I think I’ve only seen 1 baby shoe so this doesn’t make sense unless you are a 40-year-old with a 2-year-old mentality and you get bored one day at a stop light, get an itch, yank your shoe off, and then just chuck it out the window because you can. More power to you and your 2-year-old self oh odd person of our society operating large machinery next to me on a road. They’re probably out there y’all, you know they are.

Some may call it a conspiracy as the placement of the shoe may be a marking for someone else or it’s a message for another person that says, “I have had sex on the side of the road and my shoe is staying behind to tell about it.” Whatever the reason, I say again, what in the hell is going on here?

I wouldn’t put it past someone to post a missing shoe sign on a phone pole because there are certain 2-year-old mentality grown adults that have honest to God put a sign on a light pole asking if you’ve seen their bird. I believe your shit outta luck on that one dude, seriously, it has wings, it flew away for a reason. Put down your crack pipe and face reality.

Now, maybe there is someone out there that knows the secret society reason that I have spotted one shoe on our roads my whole life and if you are that person, please enlighten me, please, this has bugged me for years. Earlier today, stopped at a light, I found myself talking yet again to myself as I spied another lone shoe on the road next to me in the middle of the street and no lie, I say out loud, “Who in the hell loses an entire whole shoe?” The lady in the car next to me says this, upon hearing me apparently, “I have wondered the same thing all of my life.”

I’m not the only one, y’all!

Seriously, if anyone would like to comment and fill me in on this, I sure would appreciate it but until then, I will spy those lone shoes in the middle of the road and say yet again, “Who in the hell loses a whole shoe?”

Love y’all!!♥