Update on new revision of The Courier
Update on The Courier
Got back one set of short comments and one set of more complete comments from one Beta reader
Got back one very short set of comments from another one. He said more would be coming in a few days,
I went through the first three and a half chapters and changed many of the sentences that started with "A moment," "In a moment" and the like. I sometimes do that so that yet another sentence doesn't start with a "She" or "Kara". I found I sometimes did that for a time indication too. So I cut them down.
In the opening I also added a couple of items that would indicate the time this book takes place in. Which is now. And added short descriptions of a couple of steamcars. I didn't want to make the descriptions too long since she is running from someone and therefore wouldn't spend time on the vehicles. I think that a white minivan whose steam smells like french fries is also an indication of the time period. I can go over other scenes though and add a longer description though.
Show not Tell? Hmm, I worked on that. But I can see about more-maybe. Sometimes I do a halfway description. Its more than "They fought and he won" but I have been told, even by an editor, that what I wrote wasn't Show, even though it showed some action and emotion.
Page numbers? Hmm My files have them so somehow they didn't translate over to one reader's WP. That type of things happens at times.
More descriptive sentences. Again I worked on that but I can look it over for places to add things but sometimes a person just shakes hands and it isn't that important of a scene. Same thing about describing a barn. Sometimes what type and color etc is important so the reader can be with you, but sometimes just a basic barn will do. I will have to look at various scenes and see about that.
In the above paragraph I almost said "Sometimes what type and color etc is important so the reader can be on the same page as you" but didn't want it to be confusing.
Got back one set of short comments and one set of more complete comments from one Beta reader
Got back one very short set of comments from another one. He said more would be coming in a few days,
I went through the first three and a half chapters and changed many of the sentences that started with "A moment," "In a moment" and the like. I sometimes do that so that yet another sentence doesn't start with a "She" or "Kara". I found I sometimes did that for a time indication too. So I cut them down.
In the opening I also added a couple of items that would indicate the time this book takes place in. Which is now. And added short descriptions of a couple of steamcars. I didn't want to make the descriptions too long since she is running from someone and therefore wouldn't spend time on the vehicles. I think that a white minivan whose steam smells like french fries is also an indication of the time period. I can go over other scenes though and add a longer description though.
Show not Tell? Hmm, I worked on that. But I can see about more-maybe. Sometimes I do a halfway description. Its more than "They fought and he won" but I have been told, even by an editor, that what I wrote wasn't Show, even though it showed some action and emotion.
Page numbers? Hmm My files have them so somehow they didn't translate over to one reader's WP. That type of things happens at times.
More descriptive sentences. Again I worked on that but I can look it over for places to add things but sometimes a person just shakes hands and it isn't that important of a scene. Same thing about describing a barn. Sometimes what type and color etc is important so the reader can be with you, but sometimes just a basic barn will do. I will have to look at various scenes and see about that.
In the above paragraph I almost said "Sometimes what type and color etc is important so the reader can be on the same page as you" but didn't want it to be confusing.
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