That...Favorite...Scene

I don’t know about other authors, if they love all the moments in their babies equally. I know that I’m always totally obsessed with the book I’m writing. And when anyone asks me my favorite book, or hero, I always say, “I love the one I’m with,” because it’s the truth.

I’d have a different answer if anyone asked me what the favorite scene is that I’ve written. Indeed, if I was told I could only ever ask my readers one question about my books, I’d not ask their favorite book, hero, heroine or quote.

I’d ask their favorite scene.

I recently devoured Joey W. Hill’s TRULY HELPLESS. Fortunately, I’m friends with Joey so I can bore her insane by writing long emails about what I adored about the book or snatching up my phone and sending short ones when something has just thrilled me…or gutted me.

But in sitting down to write this blog post, I can say, straight up, what my favorite scene in Joey’s book was. There are high-up contenders but still one clear winner (and I won’t spoil it by explaining it…but it involves a kitten).

The same could be said, until recently, for all my books. I’ve published fifty-four, written fifty-seven, and for years, over a decade, the top of the list for me in pride that I’d been able to wring that beauty out of words always fell on one single scene.

You see, I’m relatively certain I can say that many authors labor over their words for a variety of reasons, and not just grammar and punctuation. Are we telling the story in a way, not just that it can be understood, but felt? Are we being true to our characters, drawing the best of them out at the same time allowing them to give themselves to their readers honestly? Are we being that conduit to allowing our readers the freedom to fall in love?

It is rare, I would assume (the answer is never for me, I’m just telling a story), that we think, Are we crafting beauty? There’s too much hubris in that question, and anyway, that has to come naturally, rise organically from the characters and story, be inspired by them, or it won’t be real.

When that happens, usually it’s confined to a scene. Ah, but I would wish a whole book could contain that in every word, but that’s not often possible and tends to be a gift only the masters employ.

But seriously, I’ll take those scenes. Marius and Regina’s kitten scene in TRULY HELPLESS. The out-on-the-deck-at-the-costume-party scene in BIG LITTLE LIES. The coming-to-terms-with-just about-everything multiple scenes in WILD.

For me with my books, that golden scene has always been the meeting with the attorneys scene in THREE WISHES. Every time I read that, it takes me by the gut and twists in a beautiful, painful way. Honestly, I read it and it seems a thing not borne of me. Like it was created by someone else. But that was me. All me. And I’m damned proud of it.

There are other scenes that come close. The beach scene in LADY LUCK. The stairwell-and-ride-to-the-hospital scene in ROCK CHICK REGRET. Vi-getting-the-bad-news scene in AT PEACE. Both times Circe makes her speeches after Lahn blows it in THE GOLDEN DYNASTY. Lydia finding her way to speak to Josie and Jake in THE WILL. Tack running by Tyra’s stretcher in MOTORCYCLE MAN. Millie finally, after decades, sharing with Logan in the Compound and then Chaos fanning around to hem her in so she can’t try again to leave their brother…their family.

But Lily sitting across from Nate with Nate’s snide attorneys sniping at her while Nate remains cold and removed, Lily shrinking in hurt and fear, and then her attorney telling it like it actually was…and Nate’s reaction. God. Every time I read it, it’s like they’re real, I am them both and I can feel all the deep, ugly emotions of pain, betrayal and loss.

If the worst happened and some strange wind came and erased the dream I’ve been living since my books took off and all my books were blown away from memory, I’d hope and pray for just that one scene to remain. To remind me as a neurotic writer that I can do this.

Yes, that has always been that scene in THREE WISHES.

Until THE FARTHEST EDGE.

I do not say this lightly. The scene in THREE WISHES has held this top spot for me for so long, I thought nothing would skim past it.

But then…something did.

In taking on a new genre, exploring the titillating realms of deep erotica BDSM at the same time telling a love story based on profound levels of trust, I would never have guessed that Branch Dillinger would guide me to write something that I was not only shocked I could pull off, but immensely honored to be a part of.

The scene does not involve his heroine, Evangeline. She’s miles away.

It’s all about Branch, and I’ll say so myself, it’s a thing of beauty.

Needless to say, when I submitted the manuscript for edits, there’s always an anxiety about this, the first person besides you reading your work. And in all I’d explored in this book (and there’s a lot and it’s intense), I was most anxious about what my editor would think of that chapter…and that scene.

And you can’t imagine the joy, the utter bliss I felt when the entire chapter went by without comment…until that scene and the bubble popped up that said, “This scene is breathtakingly beautiful.”

Proof.

I’d done it.

But deep in the heart of me, I already knew I’d done it.

And in a few weeks, I’ll be giving it to you.

I love Evangeline. I love her for Branch. I love Branch. And I love him for Evangeline.

It seems almost heretical to say this, but most of all in the beauty I experienced with writing THE FARTHEST EDGE, I love it that Branch trusted me enough to give that scene to me so in turn I could give it to you.