Almost Completely Useless Gadgets for Writers

I was researching links for something
completely unrelated to what I have listed here. This is what happens when you have
someone who is easily distracted in charge of herself. So instead of doing what
I was supposed to be doing, I stumbled across this stupid chair. Then I spent
an hour finding other retarded but strangely tempting inventions for writers.







You want a giggle? Here are some
strange/funny/kinda cool inventions that every writer must have…or at least
mock:




**Note: All photos posted are from the websites I've linked to and are not my own. I do not own this stuff and I did not photograph it...although, I might soon own a certain pen...



As a writer, I know it's tough to remember
to haul your ass out of that chair and get some exercise. I mean, when you're
in a writing groove, who has time to worry about the waistline? Well folks,
someone is looking out for us. I give you, The Hawaii Chair.


























 




Are you done laughing? Okay, seriously?
Look at how those women are flopping all over the place. Can you even imagine
typing while doing that? Whoever thought this replaced a good old fashioned
walked needs a Hawaii chair upside the head.









SafeType Keyboard












WTF is that? I asked the same thing when I
stumbled on this one. How does one use it? Why? Oh, folks, it gets better. From
the SafeType Website:




"there are challenges in adapting, we
recommend you contact us for suggestions. New users are unlikely to invent any
difficulties we have not encountered before, and we have workable solutions for
all of them."




And this:




"You cannot use this product properly if
you are not a touch-typist."




Oh we can't forget:




"Programmers, Editors, Accountants and
others who use the 10-key numeric pad or the arrow keys extensively should
order a supplementary keypad at the same time."




Where the hell will the additional keypad
go? On your head? Well, they answered this for you too:




"The supplementary keypad allows the user
to position the 10-key numeric pad with arrow keys anywhere that is most usable
and comfortable. It can be on the left or the right, or even in your lap. We
are constantly amazed by the tremendous variation in challenges and how people
find solutions for their own problems."




I don't know, I think I'm happy with a
dangerous keypad that's all straight and shit.




Edible Pens














This guy's site is awesome. I have to say,
these next two inventions are more funny than useless and as I perused his
site, I was in awe at his creativity. Let's look first at the edible pen. That's
right; edible.




Always chewing on your pen? Well, writers
this is for you. I know how it is when we're jotting down ideas or working out
an intricate plot in our notebooks, we don't want to get up for anything. Forget
breakfast, lunch or supper. But, with the edible pen, you can work AND snack.
Also, it comes in more than one flavour. Can you say that about a Bic? I think
not.






This guy also invented the Memo Block,
which really intrigues me. It looks retarded, but really, consider how many
times you've left a note on a post it and lost it? Huh. Well, why not just
write it on your block? The wind won't blow that puppy away. Also, since you're
not wasting a million pieces of paper each day, you're saving trees. Let's not
consider what it's made of or the ink in the dry erase markers you'll be using.
Just be happy you've saved a tree.






Pen Knife








Because writing, as you all know, is a
dangerous job, writers need to be ready for anything, including attacks by
crazed ninjas. The pen looks like any other innocent pen, but concealed inside
is a very sharp blade. "You think that chapter stinks? I'll cut you!"









And because we writers never know where we're
going to end up, the knife also works as a letter opener (for opening queries
and promptly slitting our wrists), box cutter…I've got nothing, and it can cut
ropes, duct tape…I don't know how many times I've found myself tied up and
wishing I had a pen that was really a knife so I could escape.




From the website:




"Pen Knives are actual pens that could save
your life. They look like an ordinary pen, but feature a 2.13 inch blade that
is revealed by pulling the pen apart."




And the best part:




"These pen knifes are easily concealed so
you can take them with you just about anywhere. No one will think that this
expensive looking writing instrument actually contains a knife that can be
unsheathed very quickly."




That's fucking awesome!! I love that anyone
could carry a goddamn blade on them and never be discovered. It's really
something you need in office situations where people tend to get tense as shit.
Really, it's a problem solver, no?




CARazy Table






First, from the website:




"DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DRIVE WHILE USING THIS
PRODUCT"




Do we even need that warning? Seriously? 












Yes, folks we do. Because although this
handy little traveling desk is designed for truckers and business people who
might have to sit in their PARKED  car or
truck and fill out invoices, orders, etc., we also have those jackasses who
will see this and think, "Brilliant! I can type and drive at the same time!"




Carazy table? Yes, I think so.




 I know there are thousands more of these gadgets which every writer wants but doesn't really ever need. Know a few? Please share. Give me an excuse to Google stuff.