The Thought Process of Drinking Iced Coffee

I hate this day. I can already tell. Why does the sun even bother showing itself for 25 minutes when it’s just going to disappear into the clouds as if a child at a party?

Is it just me, or are the clouds hanging super low? It’s almost like there is a ceiling on the sky. A ceiling! How many minutes do you think I’ll have wasted by the end of my lifetime making this bed? Fluffing Abie’s pillows, pulling at our fitted sheet…and now I have to brush my teeth? Has anyone taken a moment to recognize how many ERRANDS are baked into the first 20 minutes that you’re awake? I need to change this routine. Start my day doing something I like! Like getting dressed, for example.

Who do I want to be today?

Ugh, I have nothing to wear. Lately, I never have anything to wear. I hate myself for thinking that. Look at this closet! There is so much stuff in it. If you showed these garment racks to me and I didn’t own them, there is no doubt that I would chastise the woman who does, make a case for getting better use out of their contents and roll my eyes at her lament. But it’s that time of year, I guess. I don’t want to wear a single coat. I’m sick of pants. Practically allergic to sweaters. Should I just — I know! I need a coffee.

I’ll put on leggings and a T-shirt, suck it up and wear a trench coat, then go get a coffee. But where should I get coffee from? And is this really the thing I want to do? I haven’t had coffee in three weeks. Three weeks!

Yes, it’s time. I deserve it.

I can’t just have any coffee, I have to have the best coffee. It’s been three weeks! Obviously I’ll get iced. Should I go for the junky deli kind? Hazelnut or vanilla-brewed, or try an artisanal roaster — Gimme Coffee or Gasoline Alley? Intelligentsia? La Colombe? You know what, cold brew makes my heart pound out of my body. It’s too soon. Let’s get a vanilla brew from The Cupcake Shop.

La di da di da, I’m getting coffee. Do di do di do, coffee, coffee, coffee.

These leggings aren’t so bad. Maybe I can get away with just wearing them until it’s legit summer and call it an outfi — OH MY GOD, I AM A MASOCHIST. WHY DID I EVER STOP DRINKING COFFEE? TALKING ALL, “OH, MATCHA IS FUN TOO, THIS IS GOOD FOR YOU.” WHAT WAS I THINKING? IS THAT THE SUN SHINING? DID IT JUST COME OUT? OH NO, IT’S JUST THAT A BIG-ASS CLOUD HAS BEEN LIFTED FROM OVER MY HEAD. I CAN’T SIT HERE, I HAVE TO GET UP, I HAVE TO WALK.

MAN THIS TASTES GOOD.

“Good morning!”

“Good morning! Beautiful day to be alive, eh?”

“Hi, I’m Leandra!”

I CAN’T STOP TALKING TO PEOPLE. THEY NEED TO KNOW I’M ALIVE. THIS IS THE BEST LIFE EVER! I’M SOOOOOO HAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPY! I THINK I HAVE AN IDEA FOR A STORY. ARE YOU READY FOR THIS ONE: THREE HOME APPLIANCES EVERYONE SHOULD OWN. OMG, IT WOULD DO WELL, SO UTILITARIAN. I GOTTA GO HOME AND WRITE THAT! THEN CHANGE!

SO MANY CLOTHES! SO MANY CHOICES! WHAT SHOULD I PUT ON FIRST?! CHECKERED PANTS? JEANS? METALLIC SKIRT? ALL THREE? HOW ABOUT THIS DRESS?! AND LOOK AT THIS ONE! I WISH I HAD MORE FEET. TWO SHOES AREN’T ENOUGH. CELINE IS GENIUS. NO WONDER THEY PAIRED SEPARATE COLORS ON THE RUNWAY. I WANNA DO THAT, TOO. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO WHO ELSE CAN I CALL I BETTER WRITE DOWN ALL THESE IDEAS BEFORE THEY ESCAPE ME I THINK I AM SERIOUSLY HAVING A STROKE OF GENIUS.

MY COMPUTER IS ROSE GOLD. I WANT SCRAMBLED EGGS. WHAT YOUR BREAKFAST SAYS ABOUT YOU — YEAH YEAH, THAT’S A GOOD STORY, TOO. OH DENIM MINI SKIRT — THAT’S WHAT I’LL WEAR. WITH AN ORANGE SWEATER AND SATIN SHOES. SATIN SHOES, YEAH YEAH. EMAILS EMAILS I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM. INSTAGRAM INSTAGRAM INSTA…

Woah, why am I lightheaded?

And foggy?

Home appliances? Seriously?

Ugh, fuck this day.

Photos by Edith Young.

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