Naked and Afraid . . . Very Afraid

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Now, I have NEVER been much of a television watcher until I met the Professor. If I did watch any TV it was usually Spongebob, The Backyardigans, Max and Ruby, Adventure Time . . . you get the point. It was kid stuff as the kids were into that stuff for awhile.

Many moons ago, I did get briefly into Friends because I loved to see what hairstyles they were supporting and wanted to see who hooked up with who, but again, short lived as I was not interested in TV so much.

Well . . .

Since I have met the Professor, I watch CSI Miami, Big Brother, The Voice, Bar Rescue, The Booz Traveler, Diners, Dives, and Drive-In’s (or whatever order it’s supposed to go in), Survivor, The Walking Dead, Dating Naked, and now Naked and Afraid and not just that one, Naked and Afraid XL.

At first, I thought the Professor just watched the Naked and Afraid show to hope for a glimpse of a nipple or two, which I find amusing actually, however, there is a lot more to the show. It’s about survival, survival when you got bugs crawling up your butt and your lady garden and even in your weenie. It’s about figuring out how to get along with another human being and how you can work together to live and see it to the end together. It’s about going back to where we came from because the cavemen were in this boat thousands of years ago. It’s also about validation that you can do this, that you can survive, therefore, increasing your confidence. I’d say you are one badass dude or dudette if you survive this show to the end.

I have seen horrific cuts, bug bites, breaks, vomiting, diarrhea, starvation, fights, lack of fire, torrential rains, lack of sleep, and just plain going slightly insane. No wimp could master this, nope, not at all.

Well, here in good ole Alabama where things can get a bit strange and unusual, we have our own version of Naked and Afraid.

Bear with me, y’all . . .

As I was sitting in my chair at Hair and Nails by Southern Belles the other day yacking it up with my colorist, we observed a rather scantily dressed young lady who had come into the shop and was really letting it all hang out and my colorist’s next door seat mate, you know, the dude who was nearly run down by the crazy lady that almost went through the window, were going back and forth about how tacky this was, I agreed. I couldn’t help myself as I said, “Hell, she’s naked and I’m afraid. Who the hell dresses like that in public.” We all laughed it up because it was shocking, really shocking!

We spun around this Naked and Afraid comparison for a long time until I brought up a recent situation I found myself in and we laughed it out pretty good, y’all.

Here’s what I mean . . .

Now, I’m a fair weather friend when it comes to Wal-mart. I have been witness to some pretty insane stuff and have to really prepare myself when it comes to making a trip to there, I really do.

Well, I usually park at the garden center so I can hopefully see one of my very favorite employees who I can’t help but hug and shoot the shit for a bit with her. She’s awesome y’all and I’m so blessed to know her.

Anyway, after hugging it out with her, I went and got what I needed, dodged a few weirdo’s, and then checked out at the garden center, hugged again, and then headed out to my car.

So, there is this hill that is to my back as I’m loading my car up with my purchases and it’s all woods. I’m the only one around when suddenly, I hear voices. I look around and see no one and think, “Crap, the schizophrenia has kicked in. I’m hearing damn voices and I can’t damn well find the source.” I go slightly insane for a minute really trying to come to terms that I have become insane and hearing voices when I spotted movement up on the wooded hill behind me.

In Ninja moves my mother would be proud of, I darted to the bottom of the hill to get a better look at what in the hell was going on in the woods up the hill next to Wal-marts garden center parking lot.

Here’s what I see . . .

There is a shit ton of trash surrounding 3 tents and there are about 3-4 people sitting up in these woods in the trash in front of the tents. And yes, I think to myself, “This is just like Naked and Afraid only they are at damn Wal-mart next to the garden department.” They are arguing something fierce and I notice that they are scantily dressed as well so it’s really almost like Naked and Afraid, just Wal-mart style I guess.

So, as I’m telling my colorist and nearly taken out dude, I remind them of the chickens and roosters that often wander the Wal-mart parking lot. Yes, y’all, we have a rooster and damn chickens at the Wal-mart parking lot, I have no idea why. I can’t help myself as I say, “You know they’ve run outta food if you see those chickens or rooster missing because they probably done caught ‘um and cooked them up for dinner.” More peels of laughter at the hair salon.

There is another phenomenon that is happening just adjacent to Wal-mart and that is what I like to call Disgusting and Afraid. It’s happening right in front of Game Stop and the liquor store and it involves two 18-20 something’s who have obviously run away from home and thought that it is okay to make out and grind on the outside table that is in front of what used to be a pizza place. In mid-grind or mid outside of their mouths tongue make-out session, it is not uncommon to have the dude come over and ask for money. I’ve shooed him away several times and think in my head, “He is so freaking disgusting with his girlfriend and now I’m afraid.”

It’s madness, y’all! But really, I think they are living in the woods with the other crazy’s. I really do.

And yes, I feel bad for them but crap, there are soup kitchens and homeless shelters. You can’t play Naked, Disgusting, and Afraid in the damn Wal-mart parking lot woods while hunting down the rabid chickens/roosters that roam the area. The famous reality cameras will never find you and have you ever heard of not littering? I mean, live in the woods until you get kicked out but clean up your shit! There’s a damn dumpster, no, actually two on either side of you!

I don’t get it, I guess I never will but we sure had a laugh at the hair salon a few days ago!

Love y’all!!♥