It's Just Too Close

I have son with Down Syndrome and because of that, people are often recommending books where characters have children with DS as a major plot point. There are several, but the two that are most well known is Jewel and The Memory Keepers Daughter. And I've read the synopses (I actually had Jewel for over a year) but I just can't bring myself to read them.

The reason? It's just too close to what I'm living right now.

I've read several non-fiction books on DS (those are a necessity), but I have a hard time with the fiction.

I don't know if I'm worried that they'll bring up something that I'm not worried about right now, but will be after reading the book. Or if it will just break my heart because no matter what I'll identify the DS character with my son. In real life my heart already breaks a little at a time every time I have to take him to the doctors for more tests and poking and proding, to the hospital for surgery, after surgery, after no-end-in-sight surgery, or when I hear kids whisper about why he's acting "funny." But I love him like crazy, so we do these things with a big, huge (kind of strained) smile so that he's not scared. I guess when we're done with it in real life, I don't want to read about it, too.

Not that it's all hard. There's the good stuff, too. The hugs and the smiles and the times he accomplishes things we've been working on for forever, and his laugh is the best laugh in the world--but I don't need to read about it. I can just go hug my son and tickle him and hear him laugh right then. That's so much better to me.

Is there any subject that is just hard for you to read about?

(And my sparkfest post is coming tomorrow...)