Struggles of a Sheep

This past Sunday I attended my first church service in over a decade. I was nervous. I had never been to this particular building before and knew no one there other than my mother. I’m not an outgoing, extroverted person, so things like meet and greet or singing make me want to retreat.

In a word, I’ve never felt like I belonged in a church. So how did my first service in years pan out? On Easter Sunday?

It was good. The music was performed well. The sermon focused around Romans 8:10-16 and our new life in Christ. The pastor seems like he knows his theology and is a pretty amiable guy. The children performed a little play/chorus that was pretty cute and thematically appropriate.

Did I sing? No. I kind of hummed along to the rhythm. Did I shake hands? No, and no one really approached me to do it. But I liked the service. I think we’ll attend again this coming Sunday before I head back to Arkansas.

I couldn’t help thinking all week (sorry for the late posting) that something was wrong with me for not engaging with worship the way others did. Was the Spirit not in me as I’d thought? Was I wrong to believe that I’d been saved?

These questions are plagues. They do nothing but fuel doubts and further condemnation.  The Lord does not condemn but convicts. The thoughts that I was having came not from Him but from the other – the one who seeks nothing but the sinner in me.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you’re not good enough or you’re not doing it properly or you’re not right with Him because you didn’t raise your hand high enough in worship.

Truthfully, none of us is good enough. It’s not something we can obtain by means of our works or activities. We are saved by His Grace through faith alone. It is a free gift, this salvation. A gift of His love for us. We don’t truly deserve it because of our rebellious, sinful nature, but He has given it to us anyway. What a fantastic Father is our Lord.

We are His children. He wants us to be with Him and come to Him. He shares in our struggles. He bore our burdens when He took on the Cross. When you’re feeling down or conflicted about your faith and your belonging with Him, always remember His words and His promise to us. Trust in Him, seek Him in life and prayer, and you will always be able to find Him.

Some of us become so consumed by our failings that we believe we are irredeemable. But as the Lord says:

“What do you think? If a man has 100 sheep and one of them goes astray, won’t he leave the 99 on the hillside and go search for the stray? And if he finds it, I assure you: He rejoices over that sheep more than over the 99 that did not go astray. In the same way, it is not the will of your Father in heaven that one of these little ones perish.” (Matthew 18:12-14)

So even if you have truly drifted from the faith, if your problems aren’t merely figments of the imagination or the work of the enemy, He still wants you. He will chase you until you return to his flock. He is that Good.

Thanks for reading. Happy Thursday. God bless!