The Curse of Being Too Nice

My modo has always been, “kill them with kindness,” but I am finding that there are an increasingly growing number of individuals that take full (and then some) advantage of people like me and I have had it.

It all started back when I was dating my boyfriend my Junior year of high school. He was the first boy that I ever got serious with and it took me close to a year and a half to realize something . . .

If he and I were out in public say at the mall and people would walk by, my tendency was to look at them for no other reason but to people watch. It was a fascinating hobby of mine as I was wild about psychology and people are the psychology of life. It was such an ingrained habit that I didn’t realize until I dated my slowly becoming uber jealous boyfriend who would blurt out loudly, “Why are you staring at that guy walking by with those other people? Do you want him? Do you think he is cuter than I am?” I’d look at my boyfriend with surprise and say, “Good Lord no, you know I love watching people, I didn’t even notice a guy in that group.” To which he’d say, “You are lying, I saw you staring at him and he was staring at you.”

At first, I thought it was cute that he was so worried about losing me, that he loved me that much but as the months turned into a year into a few months, it got out of hand. I was being accused of things I would have never dreamed of doing like cheating on him, being a part of an orgy (ew), and many many other things. He would follow me to and from work and even got a job at the same place I worked at so he could watch me and make sure I was ‘behaving.’ It was creepy as hell.

So, the night before I would break up with him, actually I hadn’t planned on it until I had the dream. A long dream made short, my boyfriend was not my prince and his accusations and obsessions/possessiveness were out of control and I woke up the next morning determined to end things.

I called him on the phone, yes a real live home phone because this was before cell phones, and told him I needed to see him and he agreed. I was very nervous as I pulled up to his house and I was praying that one or both of his parents would be there in case it got out of hand. Alas, they were not.

I sat him down on the couch and explained that his obsessive behavior and controlling attitude were crushing me and after having the dream I had last night, I know that he is not the one and I need to end things today. Oh hell . . .

If ever a human being was able to split in half with having a come apart, he was the one. He wailed and cried and asked why and I told him that I just told him why and as I tried to leave he grabbed me around my waist and wouldn’t let me go as I tried to drag his 200 pound body with me to the front door because I was freaking the hell out at this point and the saying “if I can’t have her no one can,” was frantically echoing in my head. I finally was able to be free of him and sprinted for my car. The aftermath harassment and begging to get back together lasted another month but I was finally free. So much for being nice and taking it that long.

I was later nice to another mistake, although I have two awesome kids so not all was lost I suppose, that I would be abused by for 16 years. Again, I was too nice allowing certain things to happen that I should have never allowed.

During that 16 years of hell, I was nice to a sprinkler system guy just starting out and found myself $1000 gone with a sprinkler system that looked like it was put together by a 2-year-old who had not glue to put the pipes together thus, ending up in court for this one. Nice strikes again.

Another ‘nice’ story was when I was still in my horrible marriage and I was living in our mansion, sorta, on the hill. I was working and raising kids so I took the advice of my friend to use her cleaning lady who was good at her job and honest. So, I did. Well, about a year or 2 in, my cleaning lady pulls me aside one day as she is leaving and says this to me, “I’d appreciate it if you would not have such messy parties anymore because it makes my job a whole helluva lot harder.” Um, come again? Yes, in that sentence, she asked me to not have parties at my house that were messy because she actually had to work (my ex was a neat freak and the house was always immaculate to keep the peace so there was little to no work in this house other than maybe dusting-think of Sleeping With the Enemy clean, no joke). I let this one slide and laughed it off with her but then we had one of my friend’s reception at our house because they had never had a proper reception having gotten married so young and the next day my cleaning lady blessed me the hell out. I looked her dead in the face and said, “Get your cleaning shit, get your purse, and take yourself out of my house NOW! You are fired and no one tells me what I can and can’t do in my own freaking house!” Of course she stammered and apologized blaming her outburst on stress. I shook my head, nope, opened the front door and did little but throw her sorry ass out. The End.

Well, I can go on an on about being nice and where it has gotten me but this past week has been the week from hell for this nice happy-go-lucky girl and I gotta get it out and off my chest, y’all.

I have hired at least 4 lawn services in my lifetime to keep my grass free of weeds and that damn crab grass. This last outfit I hired promised me that I would be the happiest customer ever so I agreed, though I heard a few rumors about the company, I decided to be nice and give them a chance. I now have more weeds in my yard then I have ever had ever and swear to the good Lord above that these idiots are spreading weed seed rather than weed kill. I even got a little stabby and emailed the owner the other day with pictures to boot explaining my extreme unhappiness and demanded explanation of why this was occurring as my yard is surrounded by a fence so not much action blows into it therefore spreading weed seeds. She explained to me in a return email that the parsley type weed I was referring to has no ‘cure’ at this point. I emailed back saying that I was not referring to the parsley type weed but the 100’s of other weeds that I have never seen in my yard before. She emailed back that she would send her guy out to spray and that should do it.

Well . . .

Dude came out and sprayed water on them, I am convinced, because within a couple of hours of spraying these things, in my experience, you should see a degree of wilting followed by obvious dying of the weed. Well, no no, not in my case, they are twice the size now. So, with a happy heart, I fired my lawn service yesterday and will now take the lawn on myself.

In the spirit of being a bitch, because nice is not working, I also fired my property manager after the lease contract is up at the end of June because it has come to my attention that the line that says ‘she works for me and my best interest” in the contract that I signed is not true and the couple of times I have tried to sell it using her has not worked either because it seems she likes renting it out more than she wants to sell it. This was pointed out to me in the fact that there was not one open house, no fliers, and nothing other than being on MLS for advertising. When it was clear it wouldn’t sell again, guess who found her own renter’s, well me of course. Now, she’s not unpleasant to work with but this time I hired a different realtor and she/rent lady is making it obvious that she is pissed but enough is enough. I have consulted with my friend and new realtor’s property manager that she and her husband use on their rented condo and she has informed me that many many things have been done wrong in the 4 years I have been with my rent manager and I am also out quite a bit of money because she failed to raise the rent last year like she was supposed to. I’m done, I’m finished, I’ve had it.

Being nice has its perks but it can often lead to heartache, irritation, and over indulging in spirited beverages because you can’t eat your way to happy when you are on Weight Watchers.

After a lovely evening eating Mexican, drinking Margarita’s, and making merry with my awesome friends we will call “The Rangers,” I am a new woman today and happy as hell that I have taken a stand and praying like hell that my house will sell this year because I am just done, y’all, I really am. I’m also in debt because I have been too nice to my ex to keep my children with as little stress as possible and just taken on paying for all the medical bills, my son’s very expensive baseball program, buying 2 cars, and paying for all of the car insurance. I’m done with this too as I have taken that bull by the horns as another ‘unfun’ was announced to me a few months ago, I’ll stop there.

Now, I’m not saying don’t ever be nice, I can’t help but be nice as that is how I was raised, but I guess I’m saying be ‘cautiously nice’ and recognize quickly when you are being had. If you need someone to be nice to that won’t make you feel had well, I’m your girl. Taking advantage of and manipulation of are not my things and never will be.

Love y’all, even the ones that piss me the hell off!!♥

And . . . peace out Rangers ℜ