Call for Submissions
Horror, Sleaze and Trash is currently accepting poetry submissions for the Summer 2017 issue of HST Quarterly.
If you're familiar with our website, then you already know the type of shit we usually publish, but our previous issues should give you an even better idea of what we'd like for the book. Please visit our Submissions page or submit directly to the editor at arthur.graham.pub@gmail.com.
All contributors are entitled to print/distribute their own copies however they see fit, so send us your very best shit!
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Apr 21, 2017 06:17PM
Bannon fascist
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There's always a gimmick in the cyber world.
2-3 weeks ago some new reviewer got more "like" clicks in a week than anyone got in 10 years. But, then that clique of outlaw librarians running amok found some kind of problem, and now the same old schizz is back on top of the heap.
CoolieC wrote: "There's always a gimmick in the cyber world."Yes, mine is posting lewd photos of myself in some sad attempt to garner attention and sell books.
That's hot, bro.Maybe some of the ladies will come back here, but they probably rather just ogle the picture. Maybe if you posted it on like every tenth message or so.
PS I think the number of views went up about 25 and climbing the last 15 minutes. I envy your advanced degree in literature.
PS I think the number of views went up about 25 and climbing the last 15 minutes. I envy your advanced degree in literature.
IMPORTANT LIFE LESSONS
For those of you other Neanderthals who frequent Walmart rather than having your nappies, edibles, and inedibles droned in by Amazon there is something you absolutely must know. It can be best relayed in the form of an actual experience.
When I was but a lad I went to Wal-Mart for the first time. This isn’t in their standard repertoire, but I got hit with it on day one. You know that when you get to the cashier they always say “How are you today?” Wanting to be liked, though with a clandestine motive in my tender years, I’d say; “Fine, how are you?” which is never answered. That’s understandable. The lady is on her feet by that register all day, with complaining people handing her those lousy coupons, and expecting her to make some big deal over their drooling brat. How do you think her day is?
Here’s the risky part for you. If the lady doesn’t make the innocuous subterfuge of getting “personal” through asking you for a brief weather report or if you like the thing you bought twenty of; she might revert to the policy manual and ask; “Did you find everything you wanted?” This only happens 20% of the time; a minority, but still a significant risk.
Well, half the time I go there, there’s something I wanted, but didn’t find, as it was on day number one. Unprepared and surprised by the question I answered stupidly and honestly, saying; “I didn’t find the Rid-X.” This cute little Oriental lady pertly replied; “What’s a rid ex?”
Instinctively, I knew that I was in trouble. And, you know, it’s not my fault. I used to ask my father questions about these kinds of situations and how to handle them. But he’d always ignore my question and start telling me some baseball story. It got to the point where I wanted to throw one at him. But instead of resorting to violence I just stopped asking questions and decided to figure things out for myself. Hell, I already knew more about baseball than Babe Ruth.
Anyway, back in Walmart, for the want of a better plan, I answered honestly. I thought that she might be thinking something about getting rid of your ex, but even I knew that Walmart was not yet engaged in that line of business. I said; “It’s that stuff you flush down the toilet once a month,” pausing there before feeling it necessary to add; “if you have a septic tank.”
Well, this little lady gave me a look as if she thought I was joking with her limited English or was saying something dirty to her. It was no doubt an over-reaction, but there it was in any case. I nervously added; “They say it’s supposed to make the system work better.”
She said; “I’m getting the manager.”
So, we waited there in stony silence for five minutes, until the busy manager could get there. The little Oriental greeted the manager with; “He wants a rid ex.”
I was tempted to point out that I didn’t really want it as I have a sufficient supply at home; and that I was merely responding to the little lady’s question about “finding everything I wanted,” but brightly concluded that this would possibly complicate matters further, and said nothing.
The Caucasian lady manager, ostensibly sufficiently aged, experienced, and knowledgeable enough to be in charge beat me to any possible faux pas, looked at me firmly, and said; “What’s a rid ex?”
I said; “That stuff you flush down the toilet once a month if you have a septic system.” God bless her. She seemed to understand. However, she went on to point out at length how Rid-X was not the best tank cleaner on the market, and how Flush Away was better for the system, and safer for pets who drink from the toilet, and a whole bunch of other stuff I don’t remember.
The part about the toilet drinking upset me and I vowed to diligently close the top from now on, and train my wife to be similarly diligent. But after some back and forth, I’d had enough and said; “I want Rid-X; Rid-X alone and simply will not have it any other way. That’s all there is to it. End of story.”
While both of them glared at me, the manager whispered something into the ear of the Oriental lady and left. I think I got charged for some items twice.
So, if you don't want to waste your time and money, say a cheery yes, if asked if you found everything you wanted.
If the nuance of this refined tale escapes comprehension; just remember; “WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO. DON’T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW,” and you’ll be okay. ........ Probably.
For those of you other Neanderthals who frequent Walmart rather than having your nappies, edibles, and inedibles droned in by Amazon there is something you absolutely must know. It can be best relayed in the form of an actual experience.
When I was but a lad I went to Wal-Mart for the first time. This isn’t in their standard repertoire, but I got hit with it on day one. You know that when you get to the cashier they always say “How are you today?” Wanting to be liked, though with a clandestine motive in my tender years, I’d say; “Fine, how are you?” which is never answered. That’s understandable. The lady is on her feet by that register all day, with complaining people handing her those lousy coupons, and expecting her to make some big deal over their drooling brat. How do you think her day is?
Here’s the risky part for you. If the lady doesn’t make the innocuous subterfuge of getting “personal” through asking you for a brief weather report or if you like the thing you bought twenty of; she might revert to the policy manual and ask; “Did you find everything you wanted?” This only happens 20% of the time; a minority, but still a significant risk.
Well, half the time I go there, there’s something I wanted, but didn’t find, as it was on day number one. Unprepared and surprised by the question I answered stupidly and honestly, saying; “I didn’t find the Rid-X.” This cute little Oriental lady pertly replied; “What’s a rid ex?”
Instinctively, I knew that I was in trouble. And, you know, it’s not my fault. I used to ask my father questions about these kinds of situations and how to handle them. But he’d always ignore my question and start telling me some baseball story. It got to the point where I wanted to throw one at him. But instead of resorting to violence I just stopped asking questions and decided to figure things out for myself. Hell, I already knew more about baseball than Babe Ruth.
Anyway, back in Walmart, for the want of a better plan, I answered honestly. I thought that she might be thinking something about getting rid of your ex, but even I knew that Walmart was not yet engaged in that line of business. I said; “It’s that stuff you flush down the toilet once a month,” pausing there before feeling it necessary to add; “if you have a septic tank.”
Well, this little lady gave me a look as if she thought I was joking with her limited English or was saying something dirty to her. It was no doubt an over-reaction, but there it was in any case. I nervously added; “They say it’s supposed to make the system work better.”
She said; “I’m getting the manager.”
So, we waited there in stony silence for five minutes, until the busy manager could get there. The little Oriental greeted the manager with; “He wants a rid ex.”
I was tempted to point out that I didn’t really want it as I have a sufficient supply at home; and that I was merely responding to the little lady’s question about “finding everything I wanted,” but brightly concluded that this would possibly complicate matters further, and said nothing.
The Caucasian lady manager, ostensibly sufficiently aged, experienced, and knowledgeable enough to be in charge beat me to any possible faux pas, looked at me firmly, and said; “What’s a rid ex?”
I said; “That stuff you flush down the toilet once a month if you have a septic system.” God bless her. She seemed to understand. However, she went on to point out at length how Rid-X was not the best tank cleaner on the market, and how Flush Away was better for the system, and safer for pets who drink from the toilet, and a whole bunch of other stuff I don’t remember.
The part about the toilet drinking upset me and I vowed to diligently close the top from now on, and train my wife to be similarly diligent. But after some back and forth, I’d had enough and said; “I want Rid-X; Rid-X alone and simply will not have it any other way. That’s all there is to it. End of story.”
While both of them glared at me, the manager whispered something into the ear of the Oriental lady and left. I think I got charged for some items twice.
So, if you don't want to waste your time and money, say a cheery yes, if asked if you found everything you wanted.
If the nuance of this refined tale escapes comprehension; just remember; “WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO. DON’T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW,” and you’ll be okay. ........ Probably.
CoolieC wrote: "I used to ask my father questions about these kinds of situations and how to handle them. But he’d always ignore my question and start telling me some baseball story."The apple don't fall very far, does it?
Arthur said; "The apple don't fall very far, does it? "
When the tree is on a hill it sure as hell can. Apples roll pretty well.
When the tree is on a hill it sure as hell can. Apples roll pretty well.
Lazy weekend reverie,Should be writin' poetry,
'stead I'm rappin' with
the MEAN MAN, CoolieC.
Arthur wrote: "Lazy weekend reverie,
Should be writin' poetry,
'stead I'm rappin' with
the MEAN MAN, CoolieC."
Douglas really hung that shit on me. Didn't he?
Guy's gonna be no one to mess with when his vocabulary reaches ten.
Should be writin' poetry,
'stead I'm rappin' with
the MEAN MAN, CoolieC."
Douglas really hung that shit on me. Didn't he?
Guy's gonna be no one to mess with when his vocabulary reaches ten.
Hey, hey fans. Back from Walmart, literally and poetically, some of us engaged in a blur. And who knows which is which and ...... More importantly, who cares?
Regarding those Holocaust books and films. Kind of a big yuck on all of them except "The Night Porter." It was good enough to upset a whole load of serious assholes; and I had this thing for Charlotte Rampling.
Music on video's the cure. Here's something seems crystal clear, to be soon obscured.
Correction. The obscuration is what the anti-poets see, and the heightened clarity is what the poets see. Tough shit on the blind, huh? let's all show our sympathy with a parade down Main Street wearing shades.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Byki...
Regarding those Holocaust books and films. Kind of a big yuck on all of them except "The Night Porter." It was good enough to upset a whole load of serious assholes; and I had this thing for Charlotte Rampling.
Music on video's the cure. Here's something seems crystal clear, to be soon obscured.
Correction. The obscuration is what the anti-poets see, and the heightened clarity is what the poets see. Tough shit on the blind, huh? let's all show our sympathy with a parade down Main Street wearing shades.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Byki...
This is great. Without trying too hard I'm accumulating a series of essays and short stories shitty enough that one has to assume purposely so; and therefore hilarious.
It's a shame all these Bizarro presses have gone bust.
It's a shame all these Bizarro presses have gone bust.
Hey, Arthur dude. This shit just keeps gettin' weirder and weirder for yeztruly, as an octagenarian; that means over 80 years of age for the dumbos who require explicitness.
So I'm looking at my spam. WTF else I'm gonna do when the plumbing goes underground anyway. Nowhumsayin? Guess not. But, amusement is infinite regardless; and a lot less dependent on the whims of those evil bitches at some age.
Fucking spam got "Erect D" on it. Now, i figure I know what that's all zbout cause I be gettin' this kind of stuff since turning 60. But this one made me do a double take cause of the "D." There's this guy on GR who puts "D" on a lot of his posts. I don't know WTF it means and don't care, but if this spammer thinks I want to get erect on this mufuggin' "D" Leo dude, it best get some re-programming like yesterday.
It ain't that I got nuthin' against this Leo dude. It's just that the poor boy be goin' bald. And the only bald thing I ever thought about gettin' erect next to was Wendy Williams.
So I'm looking at my spam. WTF else I'm gonna do when the plumbing goes underground anyway. Nowhumsayin? Guess not. But, amusement is infinite regardless; and a lot less dependent on the whims of those evil bitches at some age.
Fucking spam got "Erect D" on it. Now, i figure I know what that's all zbout cause I be gettin' this kind of stuff since turning 60. But this one made me do a double take cause of the "D." There's this guy on GR who puts "D" on a lot of his posts. I don't know WTF it means and don't care, but if this spammer thinks I want to get erect on this mufuggin' "D" Leo dude, it best get some re-programming like yesterday.
It ain't that I got nuthin' against this Leo dude. It's just that the poor boy be goin' bald. And the only bald thing I ever thought about gettin' erect next to was Wendy Williams.
For those of you culturally deprived denizens of GR; here is a video of WOW. It's a bit of a poorly kept secret that she is a role model for AG; and a testimony to the faith which suggests that talent will out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8t3W...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8t3W...
After another auspicious beginning, it appears that once again Arthur has crapped out early. Can you imagine being around this one in his dotage? Boy will need some really good shit not to be pooping out at parties. warned me that he liked "The Sandman," so I guess i'm somewhat at fault.
Fuck all that. The show must go on and here's another song I'll post right after my nap.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6oNe...
Fuck all that. The show must go on and here's another song I'll post right after my nap.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6oNe...
FOCUS
Many GR reviewers are now stressing their preference for focussed stories in which the author is not trying to sound intelligent. While that seems to be asking a lot as being focussed probably does require some intelligence, I don't want to open that can of worms.
I could say that nobody except other GR reviewers care what a GR reviewer wants, but that might be incorrectly seen as being hostile. So, I don't want to go there either.
What I do want to do is express sympathy. Sympathy for those so culturally deprived and/or cerebrally challenged as to not be familiar with DFW. Yes, yeztruly keeps saying his acronym, but only because the GR reviewers stressing focus and disdaining intelligence missed something and should well be embarassed. I could easily psychologize their losses with a subtle innuendo about their jealous natures, but I won't do that either, primarily because they wouldn't understand it.
Decades ago, accosted with the same charges DFW wrote a short story which I will mangle here from memory.
POST-INDUSTRIAL LIFE
They met at a party.
Wanting to be liked, he expresseda witticism.
Wanting to be liked, she laughed.
The man who introduced them left, because he didn't like either of them.
They drove home alone.
END OF STORY
Okay, focussed and no evidence of anyone being particularly bright. There's your story. One third of one page. Suck on it forever. No more books are necessary.
Many GR reviewers are now stressing their preference for focussed stories in which the author is not trying to sound intelligent. While that seems to be asking a lot as being focussed probably does require some intelligence, I don't want to open that can of worms.
I could say that nobody except other GR reviewers care what a GR reviewer wants, but that might be incorrectly seen as being hostile. So, I don't want to go there either.
What I do want to do is express sympathy. Sympathy for those so culturally deprived and/or cerebrally challenged as to not be familiar with DFW. Yes, yeztruly keeps saying his acronym, but only because the GR reviewers stressing focus and disdaining intelligence missed something and should well be embarassed. I could easily psychologize their losses with a subtle innuendo about their jealous natures, but I won't do that either, primarily because they wouldn't understand it.
Decades ago, accosted with the same charges DFW wrote a short story which I will mangle here from memory.
POST-INDUSTRIAL LIFE
They met at a party.
Wanting to be liked, he expresseda witticism.
Wanting to be liked, she laughed.
The man who introduced them left, because he didn't like either of them.
They drove home alone.
END OF STORY
Okay, focussed and no evidence of anyone being particularly bright. There's your story. One third of one page. Suck on it forever. No more books are necessary.
REASONS WHY A GR REVIEWER MAY RATE A BOOK LOW
1) The book just plain sucks.
2) The particular reviewer thought it sucks.
3) The reviwer didn't take a good one that day.
4) The book already had a lot of high ratings.
5) The book already had a lot of low ratings.
6) The reviewer was a Christian Evangelist and had to say that; otherwise admitting that they liked seeing Arthur Graham in his drawers.
7) The reviewer was really upset with themselves for having failed the GED for the fifth time.
8) The reviewer wanted to average down their overall ratings after having five starred all their friends' crap.
9) The reviewer needed to display their "power."
10) It proved unwise in having the audio book read by a stutterer.
11) The reviewer was having one of those unmentionables that Donald Trump got into a heap of trouble fror mentioning.
12) The reviewer showed their thin skin after having been called an illiterate jerk by the writer.
13) It was a Bizarro book.
14) The "novel" exceeded 150 pages at 12 point courier.
15) People who know the writer have internet access.
16) The whine started right on the first page and was relentless.
17) The reviewer had a "funny" gif they couldn't use elsewhere.
18) The stupid writer pissed off a librarian.
19) Oprah made it a book of the month.
20) it wasn't about a post-apocalyptic trek.
21) The writer used big words.
22) The writer wrote long sentences.
23) Paragraphs exceeded the two sentence limit.
24) It was another one about a writer writing a book.
25) The writer stiffed the reviewer at Fivvers.
26) The book was written by a straight, white male.
27) Dumbass Mark Twain speaks of racism without the appropriate hand wringing.
28) The ARC copy had cover damage, severely reducing its re-sale value.
1) The book just plain sucks.
2) The particular reviewer thought it sucks.
3) The reviwer didn't take a good one that day.
4) The book already had a lot of high ratings.
5) The book already had a lot of low ratings.
6) The reviewer was a Christian Evangelist and had to say that; otherwise admitting that they liked seeing Arthur Graham in his drawers.
7) The reviewer was really upset with themselves for having failed the GED for the fifth time.
8) The reviewer wanted to average down their overall ratings after having five starred all their friends' crap.
9) The reviewer needed to display their "power."
10) It proved unwise in having the audio book read by a stutterer.
11) The reviewer was having one of those unmentionables that Donald Trump got into a heap of trouble fror mentioning.
12) The reviewer showed their thin skin after having been called an illiterate jerk by the writer.
13) It was a Bizarro book.
14) The "novel" exceeded 150 pages at 12 point courier.
15) People who know the writer have internet access.
16) The whine started right on the first page and was relentless.
17) The reviewer had a "funny" gif they couldn't use elsewhere.
18) The stupid writer pissed off a librarian.
19) Oprah made it a book of the month.
20) it wasn't about a post-apocalyptic trek.
21) The writer used big words.
22) The writer wrote long sentences.
23) Paragraphs exceeded the two sentence limit.
24) It was another one about a writer writing a book.
25) The writer stiffed the reviewer at Fivvers.
26) The book was written by a straight, white male.
27) Dumbass Mark Twain speaks of racism without the appropriate hand wringing.
28) The ARC copy had cover damage, severely reducing its re-sale value.
CoolieC wrote: "REASONS WHY A GR REVIEWER MAY RATE A BOOK LOW"These all seem like valid reasons.
Arthur wrote: "CoolieC wrote: "REASONS WHY A GR REVIEWER MAY RATE A BOOK LOW"
These all seem like valid reasons."
Which one best describes your one stars of mine? Or did I miss some possibilities?
These all seem like valid reasons."
Which one best describes your one stars of mine? Or did I miss some possibilities?
CoolieC wrote: "Which one best describes your one stars of mine?"I can count on one hand the number of one-star reviews I've handed out over the years, four of them for books I'd written myself. DENIED.
arthur wrote; "I can count on one hand the number of one-star reviews I've handed out over the years, four of them for books I'd written myself. DENIED. "
Do you think that might change when you become a big boy able to count on his other hand as well as toes?
Do you think that might change when you become a big boy able to count on his other hand as well as toes?
CoolieC wrote: "Do you think that might change when you become a big boy able to count on his other hand as well as toes?"I'd have to read some more of your books first, but the few I've tried have hovered more around the three-star range for me, probably because I'm not intelligent enough to fully grasp them, I'm a Millennial, I have ADD, I'm jealous, and I tend to pal around with various "sucko" writers.
Arthur said; "I'd have to read some more of your books first, but the few I've tried have hovered more around the three-star range for me, probably because I'm not intelligent enough to fully grasp them, I'm a Millennial, I have ADD, I'm jealous, and I tend to pal around with various "sucko" writers."
You're being so serious today, you're completely throwing me. It's OK. I'm confident that with a little more work on DFW, you'll be able to understand. They have pills for some of that other stuff, and a psychiatrist can probably help you deal with your need to relate down.
i've witnessed flashes of brilliance. I know it's posssible.
You're being so serious today, you're completely throwing me. It's OK. I'm confident that with a little more work on DFW, you'll be able to understand. They have pills for some of that other stuff, and a psychiatrist can probably help you deal with your need to relate down.
i've witnessed flashes of brilliance. I know it's posssible.
Signing off with a song which could only have been a hit when it was one.
Ever read those things people post on Youtube. If somebody doesn't like the song they get absolutely blasted. The trolls there put the ones here to shame.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBCZV...
Ever read those things people post on Youtube. If somebody doesn't like the song they get absolutely blasted. The trolls there put the ones here to shame.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBCZV...
Arthur said; "I'd have to read some more of your books first, but the few I've tried have hovered more around the three-star range for me."
That's because I only sent you the two good ones. If I'm ever capable of doing something as fine as your five starred "Bukkake Brawl," I'll send it with the attendant three wooo's, weee's, or woo-hoo's; whichever is then currently fashionable with GR "authors."
Yes, you're again right. Your high estimation means that much to me.
That's because I only sent you the two good ones. If I'm ever capable of doing something as fine as your five starred "Bukkake Brawl," I'll send it with the attendant three wooo's, weee's, or woo-hoo's; whichever is then currently fashionable with GR "authors."
Yes, you're again right. Your high estimation means that much to me.
I'm late today and I apologize to my plethora of fan for the delay. See, I was at church, where I was once againdivinely inspired to share my thoughts,
CONCLUDING UNSCIENTIFIC POSTSCRIPT to LOW GR RATINGS
26) The lazy, uncaring writer failed to read the reviewer’s previous “reviews.” Thereby he did not bother to extrapolate from them the reviewer’s value judgements, artistic acumen, level of abstraction skills, and approximate IQ. Books not in conformance with these maven dictated rules are doomed to oblivion.
27) The reviewer thinks DFW stands for dopey, fucking writer.
28) The writer did not specifically endorse or proceed to fawn over the cutting edge enlightenment provided by LGB&T scripture.
29) The writer’s poorly chosen first sentence was; “If you don’t like it you can kiss my ass.” While this may have been merely contextual, the reviewer positioned at the center of the universe will think you’re talking to them.
30) The writer has attached a back cover photo showing some hair on his head.
31) Somewhere in the book the writer tries to sneak in their real opinion of reviewers.
32) Ditto readers.
33) Ditto writers.
34) Ditto yo mama.
35) The writer used one or more of the 147,112 words and phrases contained in the Politically Correct Police policy manual, and is unable to plead minority status available to 90% of the population.
36) The writer alludes to the monetary value of GR reviews.
37) The writer defiantly puts the good stuff in the middle of the book, thwarting the high volume reviewers who read the beginning and end, if at all.
38) The writer foolishly allows his good name to be linked with the Aussie conspiracy fag team match and/or the reviled Arthur Graham.
39) The writer has failed to properly participate in salient GR discussion threads; stupidly writing books instead.
40) The writer has not yet become a Muslim apologist.
41) The writer has made a derisive sarcastic comment about Trump, which the dummies take as straightforward.
42) The writer does not participate in the clique circle jerk of five starring each other’s asshole books.
43) The writer has not yet accumulates sufficient suck up points to get a free Bizarro book. Continued stagnation runs the risk of getting two.
44) The particularly stupid writer has written; If you can’t do it, read or review it; the reading aspect optional.” There is no possible escape from this one.
45) The writer fails to disclose that the aforementioned are not his opinions, and that he is merely stating these things as wished by a very angry, high income literary expert, who wishes to maintain his good name in pursuit of future perversity.
CONCLUDING UNSCIENTIFIC POSTSCRIPT to LOW GR RATINGS
26) The lazy, uncaring writer failed to read the reviewer’s previous “reviews.” Thereby he did not bother to extrapolate from them the reviewer’s value judgements, artistic acumen, level of abstraction skills, and approximate IQ. Books not in conformance with these maven dictated rules are doomed to oblivion.
27) The reviewer thinks DFW stands for dopey, fucking writer.
28) The writer did not specifically endorse or proceed to fawn over the cutting edge enlightenment provided by LGB&T scripture.
29) The writer’s poorly chosen first sentence was; “If you don’t like it you can kiss my ass.” While this may have been merely contextual, the reviewer positioned at the center of the universe will think you’re talking to them.
30) The writer has attached a back cover photo showing some hair on his head.
31) Somewhere in the book the writer tries to sneak in their real opinion of reviewers.
32) Ditto readers.
33) Ditto writers.
34) Ditto yo mama.
35) The writer used one or more of the 147,112 words and phrases contained in the Politically Correct Police policy manual, and is unable to plead minority status available to 90% of the population.
36) The writer alludes to the monetary value of GR reviews.
37) The writer defiantly puts the good stuff in the middle of the book, thwarting the high volume reviewers who read the beginning and end, if at all.
38) The writer foolishly allows his good name to be linked with the Aussie conspiracy fag team match and/or the reviled Arthur Graham.
39) The writer has failed to properly participate in salient GR discussion threads; stupidly writing books instead.
40) The writer has not yet become a Muslim apologist.
41) The writer has made a derisive sarcastic comment about Trump, which the dummies take as straightforward.
42) The writer does not participate in the clique circle jerk of five starring each other’s asshole books.
43) The writer has not yet accumulates sufficient suck up points to get a free Bizarro book. Continued stagnation runs the risk of getting two.
44) The particularly stupid writer has written; If you can’t do it, read or review it; the reading aspect optional.” There is no possible escape from this one.
45) The writer fails to disclose that the aforementioned are not his opinions, and that he is merely stating these things as wished by a very angry, high income literary expert, who wishes to maintain his good name in pursuit of future perversity.
Music!!! From other great humanitarians. Why the fuck do you think Jagger bought his own island?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w58E2...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w58E2...
Music, music, music. Now for a change of pace. Let's all chill and groove to the beat of a Millennial classic.
These guys do know more words, I guess. Kinda safe money on that one.
Conceptually brilliant in its artistic use of timely repetition. Once more, here is "Cracker Ass Flunky Blues."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UQJW...
These guys do know more words, I guess. Kinda safe money on that one.
Conceptually brilliant in its artistic use of timely repetition. Once more, here is "Cracker Ass Flunky Blues."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UQJW...
Gotta go. Just blew an humongous raspberry that could feed Bangladesh for a year. After I change, I'll be making a donation. See ya later, creeps.
Guess y'all been reading about writers and all the noble reasons they write. Like they all want to end world hunger, promote human understanding, yadda, yadda. See, they don't mind working that 7-11 job, cleaning up the vomit, putting all those overpriced chips where they belong, and waiting for the next hold up man. They don't mind as long as they can spend their evenings bringing you those "uplifting" words. They don't mind when their old lady tries to hook up with a guy whose job pays above minimum wage.
You believe that and I can only ask you to lend me one of your surplus chromosomes.
This is an adult site; so they tell me. So can we get a little real? The protest man, Bob Dylan, didn't want that Nobel crap. No, he didn't want it until he found out the little statue was accompanied by $900,000. He said; "Shit, I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farrm no more." He said some bullshit about being confused, overwhelmed, or something; then sent Patti Smith to go get it for him before those candy assed doctors change their mind.
They do that all the time you know. Never mind a momentous event like this, they can't even come to a final conclusion on whether or not Pluto is a planet. Like anybody else gives a shit.
You believe that and I can only ask you to lend me one of your surplus chromosomes.
This is an adult site; so they tell me. So can we get a little real? The protest man, Bob Dylan, didn't want that Nobel crap. No, he didn't want it until he found out the little statue was accompanied by $900,000. He said; "Shit, I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farrm no more." He said some bullshit about being confused, overwhelmed, or something; then sent Patti Smith to go get it for him before those candy assed doctors change their mind.
They do that all the time you know. Never mind a momentous event like this, they can't even come to a final conclusion on whether or not Pluto is a planet. Like anybody else gives a shit.
DeletePrince wrote: "writers and all the noble reasons they write."Really, I'm just in it for the women. Sure as shit ain't no money in this thing...
I don't know what time it is and neither do these guys. But, they can tell you what it ain't.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZRiV...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZRiV...
Arthur said; "Really, I'm just in it for the women. Sure as shit ain't no money in this thing... "
Yeah, right. That's what all the pimps say. Well, Harvet Keitel anyway.
"Oooh, you know I love ya baby. You're my favorite." Then; "You know, baby. Gotta pay the rent. That's just how it is. I love ya baby. But, there's this guy ......................... "
Hey, you're fine. If they still go for that shit they either secretly want to or are too dumb to take seriously.
Yeah, right. That's what all the pimps say. Well, Harvet Keitel anyway.
"Oooh, you know I love ya baby. You're my favorite." Then; "You know, baby. Gotta pay the rent. That's just how it is. I love ya baby. But, there's this guy ......................... "
Hey, you're fine. If they still go for that shit they either secretly want to or are too dumb to take seriously.
Just to show solidarity with them, put on the inferior Millennial version.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnzu2...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnzu2...
IN THE BEGINNING- A SOCIAL COMMUNICATIONS STORY
Call for Submissions or Hot Submissives
Revulsion, Skullduggery and Rubbish, LLC is currently accepting poetry submissions for the Whenever issue of RSR.
If you're sufficiently depraved to be familiar with our website, then you already know the type of shit we usually pretend to publish. But our previous issue should give you an even better idea of what we'd like. Please visit our submissions page or submit directly to the editor at Fartful.Kram.pub@gmail.com.
All contributors are entitled to do what we say, no matter what they may submissively fit. So send us your very best now!
message 1: by Deleted User
Mar 22, 2017 04:15PM
Is "blowing raspberries" during sex a suitable topic?
message 2: by Fartful
Mar 22, 2017 04:28PM
I mean, I've probably published worse...
message 3: by Deleted User
Mar 22, 2017 05:27PM
No doubt
But please do be kind. This is a first effort.
The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the stealth bombers that day.
The packing stood tight with but one wank left to play.
And when the colonic calliope died at first, and bottom burps did the same,
A pall-like silence fell upon the patrons of the game.
A few blown raspberries tried to go in deep despair of unrequited gas.
They lost the mutual hope which springs eternal in the human ass.
If only the frequency actuated rectal terror could get a whiff of what was pinned,
We’d fart together beautifully to the tune of blowin’ in the wind.
Call for Submissions or Hot Submissives
Revulsion, Skullduggery and Rubbish, LLC is currently accepting poetry submissions for the Whenever issue of RSR.
If you're sufficiently depraved to be familiar with our website, then you already know the type of shit we usually pretend to publish. But our previous issue should give you an even better idea of what we'd like. Please visit our submissions page or submit directly to the editor at Fartful.Kram.pub@gmail.com.
All contributors are entitled to do what we say, no matter what they may submissively fit. So send us your very best now!
message 1: by Deleted User
Mar 22, 2017 04:15PM
Is "blowing raspberries" during sex a suitable topic?
message 2: by Fartful
Mar 22, 2017 04:28PM
I mean, I've probably published worse...
message 3: by Deleted User
Mar 22, 2017 05:27PM
No doubt
But please do be kind. This is a first effort.
The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the stealth bombers that day.
The packing stood tight with but one wank left to play.
And when the colonic calliope died at first, and bottom burps did the same,
A pall-like silence fell upon the patrons of the game.
A few blown raspberries tried to go in deep despair of unrequited gas.
They lost the mutual hope which springs eternal in the human ass.
If only the frequency actuated rectal terror could get a whiff of what was pinned,
We’d fart together beautifully to the tune of blowin’ in the wind.
DeletePrince wrote: "Revulsion, Skullduggery and Rubbish, LLC is currently accepting poetry submissions for the Whenever issue of RSR."In what thesaurus is "skullduggery" listed as a synonym for "sleaze"?
Arthur wrote; In what thesaurus is "skullduggery" listed as a synonym for "sleaze"?
Word's. I suppose you know better than their crack programmers?
I think it fits and that you're just limited to the garbage sexual innuendo stuff.
Word's. I suppose you know better than their crack programmers?
I think it fits and that you're just limited to the garbage sexual innuendo stuff.
This is going to be a wonderful story of the agony and the ecstasy of the creative process in 2017. If I didn't have to keep fixing up your grammar, it would be going a lot quicker.
i've also discovered one of the pleasures of being a writer. With minimal changes in words you can make everybody else sound stupid and yourself smart. I like that.
i've also discovered one of the pleasures of being a writer. With minimal changes in words you can make everybody else sound stupid and yourself smart. I like that.
DeletePrince wrote: "Word's. I suppose you know better than their crack programmers?"Yeah, it's actually kinda sad how much larger my vocabulary is than Word's...
Arthur said; "Yeah, it's actually kinda sad how much larger my vocabulary is than Word's..."
I just don't get it at all. I mean like why can't they just put all of Roget's in there? Hate flipping through all those pages and numbers. I did notice that Word really falls down completely on the mildest of sexual innuendo.
I just don't get it at all. I mean like why can't they just put all of Roget's in there? Hate flipping through all those pages and numbers. I did notice that Word really falls down completely on the mildest of sexual innuendo.
Well, that's it for today. If this thread is going to get so few views, just shit on all of you.
This is an intro to the Guthrie song on here somewhere. I ain"t looking up where it's at. If you want to be precise go google something or other.
For the many of my fan who have inquired about my influences, and have been patiently waiting for a response; unforthcoming due to the multiplicity, myriad, and mothballed complexity of the issue, in an effort to mislead no one but the Politically Correct Police (PCP) I have enclosed this Arlo Guthrie song which I've memorized by heart, since my brain has been filled with brainy stuff.
Notes: It will encompass a few GR threads as their state-of-the-art programming opts for brevity. In addition a small glossary of terms precedes the song, as it is understandably almost as ancient as me; some words now forgotten, redefined, or made non-existent through drugs.
1) Draft- An overbearing, yet legal government system, which in its death throes conscripted able bodied white males of 18-21 years of age, as well as others into the military. The military was a euphemism for being sent to Viet Nam to fight with yellow commies. This farce; the subject one that is; ended in 1973. The vicious rumor that this was done in anticipation of the coming Millennials requires quite a leap of faith; as the cancellation preceded the first Millennial birth by almost seven years; necessitating Nostradamus equivalent vision by the military. Yeah, right?
2) Viet Nam- A little place purported to be somewhere very far from here; usually seen only in TV footage. Back in the fifties and sixties the Rooskies, who were then supposedly communists, were giving guns, money, and advice to the Vietnamese who wanted to be commies. So, the US gave guns, money, troops, and a whole lot of advice to the Vietnamese who wanted to be good capitalists, after the French said; “Fuck it,” and left. Ostensibly, this was done because of the “Domino Theory” which suggests that those falling little yellow commies fall on each other, and if we don’t stop their shenanigans way over there, they’ll be swamping California soon.
3) Faggot- An unfortunate and derisive term sometimes applied to one branch of the LGB&T camp. The use of this term in 2017 is scrutinized and enforced by the Politically Correct Police; it being okay to say only by faggots. Penalties include social media isolation, if one considers that a penalty. Arlo makes use of this term as being gay and other criminal history was a way to get out of the draft and going to Viet Nam. The military didn’t accept any gays back in those dark days. So, since it was kind of difficult to fake a criminal history, not to mention the possible repercussions, young white males were saying that they got off on being gay and related activities. Perhaps blurring some lines, the military ignored their claims and drafted them anyway. Sergeant said; “You be okay after messin’ wit dem gooks a while, boy.”
4) Whitehall Street- was the location of the nation’s largest draft center, in Manhattan.
5) General note- This song has many versions. It has a hell of a lot of words which invariably are never put in the same order twice; and are sometimes not even the same words; never mind any notion of order. So, here’s one. I think it captures the essence. If you don’t agree, you can just go fuck yourself.
For the many of my fan who have inquired about my influences, and have been patiently waiting for a response; unforthcoming due to the multiplicity, myriad, and mothballed complexity of the issue, in an effort to mislead no one but the Politically Correct Police (PCP) I have enclosed this Arlo Guthrie song which I've memorized by heart, since my brain has been filled with brainy stuff.
Notes: It will encompass a few GR threads as their state-of-the-art programming opts for brevity. In addition a small glossary of terms precedes the song, as it is understandably almost as ancient as me; some words now forgotten, redefined, or made non-existent through drugs.
1) Draft- An overbearing, yet legal government system, which in its death throes conscripted able bodied white males of 18-21 years of age, as well as others into the military. The military was a euphemism for being sent to Viet Nam to fight with yellow commies. This farce; the subject one that is; ended in 1973. The vicious rumor that this was done in anticipation of the coming Millennials requires quite a leap of faith; as the cancellation preceded the first Millennial birth by almost seven years; necessitating Nostradamus equivalent vision by the military. Yeah, right?
2) Viet Nam- A little place purported to be somewhere very far from here; usually seen only in TV footage. Back in the fifties and sixties the Rooskies, who were then supposedly communists, were giving guns, money, and advice to the Vietnamese who wanted to be commies. So, the US gave guns, money, troops, and a whole lot of advice to the Vietnamese who wanted to be good capitalists, after the French said; “Fuck it,” and left. Ostensibly, this was done because of the “Domino Theory” which suggests that those falling little yellow commies fall on each other, and if we don’t stop their shenanigans way over there, they’ll be swamping California soon.
3) Faggot- An unfortunate and derisive term sometimes applied to one branch of the LGB&T camp. The use of this term in 2017 is scrutinized and enforced by the Politically Correct Police; it being okay to say only by faggots. Penalties include social media isolation, if one considers that a penalty. Arlo makes use of this term as being gay and other criminal history was a way to get out of the draft and going to Viet Nam. The military didn’t accept any gays back in those dark days. So, since it was kind of difficult to fake a criminal history, not to mention the possible repercussions, young white males were saying that they got off on being gay and related activities. Perhaps blurring some lines, the military ignored their claims and drafted them anyway. Sergeant said; “You be okay after messin’ wit dem gooks a while, boy.”
4) Whitehall Street- was the location of the nation’s largest draft center, in Manhattan.
5) General note- This song has many versions. It has a hell of a lot of words which invariably are never put in the same order twice; and are sometimes not even the same words; never mind any notion of order. So, here’s one. I think it captures the essence. If you don’t agree, you can just go fuck yourself.
THIS THREAD WILL SOON BE A BOOK! NOT TO WORRY ALL YOU FURIOUS POSTERS. IT WAS CUT OFF THIS WEEKEND DUE TO A GENERAL DISINTEREST, AND YOUR STUPID COMMENTS WERE TAKEN OUT ANYWAY. ANY ILL-ADVISED ATTORNEY VISITS WILL JUST MAKE YOU EVEN MORE NEEDY. WHAT FUCKING EVER. Enjoy the introduction free here.
Between the dates of 3-22-17 and approximately 4-22-17 a number of writers, poets, and artists happened to converge on a Goodreads thread. The latter date is an approximation as somewhere in the middle of this momentous cyber meeting the Goodreads machine lost its ability to keep track of the precise date. We thank them for providing the forum, and the artiste in us has little use for the pedanticism of precision anyway.
This book has been produced, minimally edited, and offered to the public for at least four reasons;
1) We thought it might be of interest to non-artists to obtain an inside view of the realities involved in the creative process.
2) Of possible further interest to those lay people already somewhat familiar, may well be the interaction, non-conformity, and out-and-out antagonism prevalent in the artistic world.
3) It was a copy job and took little time to do.
4) We figured we could probably stiff the suckers for enough money to keep us high for a month.
The book opens with the thread and follows it for all its seeming stream-of-consciousness visceral truths; likely undetected by the novice reader, yet well managed by experienced fuckers.
The thread is cut off out of artistic boredom; yet still continues, in an attempt to pick up additional chumps with disposable chump change.
The book concludes with useful life lessons, not necessarily plagiarized, but rather an artful new use of the archaic. Our attorneys advise as such.
Enjoy! As it were.
Between the dates of 3-22-17 and approximately 4-22-17 a number of writers, poets, and artists happened to converge on a Goodreads thread. The latter date is an approximation as somewhere in the middle of this momentous cyber meeting the Goodreads machine lost its ability to keep track of the precise date. We thank them for providing the forum, and the artiste in us has little use for the pedanticism of precision anyway.
This book has been produced, minimally edited, and offered to the public for at least four reasons;
1) We thought it might be of interest to non-artists to obtain an inside view of the realities involved in the creative process.
2) Of possible further interest to those lay people already somewhat familiar, may well be the interaction, non-conformity, and out-and-out antagonism prevalent in the artistic world.
3) It was a copy job and took little time to do.
4) We figured we could probably stiff the suckers for enough money to keep us high for a month.
The book opens with the thread and follows it for all its seeming stream-of-consciousness visceral truths; likely undetected by the novice reader, yet well managed by experienced fuckers.
The thread is cut off out of artistic boredom; yet still continues, in an attempt to pick up additional chumps with disposable chump change.
The book concludes with useful life lessons, not necessarily plagiarized, but rather an artful new use of the archaic. Our attorneys advise as such.
Enjoy! As it were.
I am shocked and appalled. Leo wrote on his blog, in reference to his podcast; "As always, if you’re a reader, writer, editor, anyone who wants to come on the show, or maybe you just have something you’d like to tell me: get in touch with me at losingtheplotpodcast [at] gmail [dot] com—always nice to hear from you!"
I indicated my interest, and for that the balding puss deleted me. You can't even trust one of them to live up to his word these days. And I was so counting on the valuable publicity derived for future income. I think I shall quit reaching out. the callous rejection is so painful.
I indicated my interest, and for that the balding puss deleted me. You can't even trust one of them to live up to his word these days. And I was so counting on the valuable publicity derived for future income. I think I shall quit reaching out. the callous rejection is so painful.
And for a new feature on "Submit to HST," we have a quote of the day. This one's from Groucho Marx, who said; "I don't want to have sex with anyone I have any respect for." That's saying a mouthful, and isn't that exactly what Arthur and HST stand for?
Here' a song. I'm wondering why it coincided with the birth of the first Millennials.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8vHj...
Here' a song. I'm wondering why it coincided with the birth of the first Millennials.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8vHj...
Pubes longer than cockGets stuck in folds when flaccid
I'm Rumpleforeskin
Almost missed a day. But Jeff made it all good. Thanks.
From the archives:
Me and my bruthas chillin’ in the Chevy.
Two the muthafuckas ugly and heavy.
Can’t git no juice when the place is mellow.
Bitches don’t grind if a nigga’s yellow.
Ski mask ain’t no digs from Vail.
Downtown hoods stylish in jail.
No problem pullin’ out my nine.
See the lights, it’s almost time.
Marty Walls’ open all nite.
Just waitin’ to set the homeboys right.
Freeland just in from China.
Freeland just in from China.
Stick it out.
And I’ll find her.
Security guard got pop gun shit.
He 80 years old with epileptic fit.
Gimme that money and make it quick.
Shaky muthafuckas need a good fix.
Don’t push no buttons, yours or mine.
Cause if you do you’ll soon see Columbine.
We run to the ride, Heavy’s laughin’.
This is the closest the dead come to passion.
Freeland just in from China.
Freeland just in from China.
Stick it out.
And I’ll find her.
$15,000 and you can put it on HST.
Yo.
From the archives:
Me and my bruthas chillin’ in the Chevy.
Two the muthafuckas ugly and heavy.
Can’t git no juice when the place is mellow.
Bitches don’t grind if a nigga’s yellow.
Ski mask ain’t no digs from Vail.
Downtown hoods stylish in jail.
No problem pullin’ out my nine.
See the lights, it’s almost time.
Marty Walls’ open all nite.
Just waitin’ to set the homeboys right.
Freeland just in from China.
Freeland just in from China.
Stick it out.
And I’ll find her.
Security guard got pop gun shit.
He 80 years old with epileptic fit.
Gimme that money and make it quick.
Shaky muthafuckas need a good fix.
Don’t push no buttons, yours or mine.
Cause if you do you’ll soon see Columbine.
We run to the ride, Heavy’s laughin’.
This is the closest the dead come to passion.
Freeland just in from China.
Freeland just in from China.
Stick it out.
And I’ll find her.
$15,000 and you can put it on HST.
Yo.
That offer expires at midnight. It's your business. But, without it you're going to again get saddled with that L***o stuff.
Oh, well. To "The New Yorker" it goes again.
Try to help out these little shit "publishers" and see what you get?
Try to help out these little shit "publishers" and see what you get?
