Call for Submissions
Horror, Sleaze and Trash is currently accepting poetry submissions for the Summer 2017 issue of HST Quarterly.
If you're familiar with our website, then you already know the type of shit we usually publish, but our previous issues should give you an even better idea of what we'd like for the book. Please visit our Submissions page or submit directly to the editor at arthur.graham.pub@gmail.com.
All contributors are entitled to print/distribute their own copies however they see fit, so send us your very best shit!
BeggarB wrote: "No wonder you have so much trouble with DFW books."I always thought it was because I huffed too much paint as a kid and the fact that I smoke too much dope every morning and that I drink too many brandys and Camparis every night that I lack the sufficient brain cells necessary to comprehend this great master.
Arthur said; "I always thought it was because I huffed too much paint as a kid and the fact that I smoke too much dope every morning and that I drink too many brandys and Camparis every night that I lack the sufficient brain cells necessary to comprehend this great master."
Well, now that you brought it up; that's likely it. Previously I was trying to not be unkind while keeping some hope of credibility.
Have to confess that Leyner affects me the same way DFW does you. I kind of keep going "WTF? Where's the funny part?"
In my case it wasn't huffing; it was the involuntary inhaling of the lead paint used back then. And I gave up the dope in the AM when I discovered the conflict with Gallo's. The number of brain cells aren't all that important unless one concludes that women are dumber than men. And that can't be because JA understands IJ, unless she copied it off somebody.
Well, now that you brought it up; that's likely it. Previously I was trying to not be unkind while keeping some hope of credibility.
Have to confess that Leyner affects me the same way DFW does you. I kind of keep going "WTF? Where's the funny part?"
In my case it wasn't huffing; it was the involuntary inhaling of the lead paint used back then. And I gave up the dope in the AM when I discovered the conflict with Gallo's. The number of brain cells aren't all that important unless one concludes that women are dumber than men. And that can't be because JA understands IJ, unless she copied it off somebody.
BeggarB wrote: "You know damn well that DFW owns the word "Depend." So, it's not even derivative. It's a bold faced copy."According to Wikipedia, the Depend Adult Undergarment was first introduced in the year of 1984, a full twelve years prior to the 1996 publication of Infinite Jest and approximately twenty-five years prior to the corresponding Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment employed as a gimmick in the self-same novel -- CONTRADICTED.
BeggarB wrote: "Douglas is typically too far out there to understand; defying any possible direct response. But if "Consider the Lobster" prompted "serious considering" be aware that is DFW-lite. Stay off "Infinite Jest" as it might induce an aneurism.Seems my ironic use and repurposing of the word "considering" went a little over your head, son.
Please be aware that was merely Hackle-lite.
So maybe stay off The Hottest Gay Man Ever Killed in a Shark Attack, lest it induce an aneurism in ya.
Consider the BeggarB!
Arthur said; "According to Wikipedia, the Depend Adult Undergarment was first introduced in the year of 1984, a full twelve years prior to the 1996 publication of Infinite Jest and approximately twenty-five years prior to the corresponding Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment employed as a gimmick in the self-same novel -- CONTRADICTED."
Goddam fuckin' plebian "facts." Only incontinents heard of this before DFW put Depend on the map. They actually thanked him.
Gimmick?? They said that of Hendrix too. When he tired of arguing he said; "Gimmicks? Gimmicks? Yeah, we do." And in this case, if one fully read and UNDERSTOOD IJ, they would see that the initial jokey "gimmick" later resurrects as a gigantic statement about religion and Christ's return to earth particularly.
Admittedly, it does get pretty complicated, and requires analogy, symbolism and interpretation. In fact David and I are the only ones who know this; and he closed his end with a "Fuck you all. I'm outta here."
It's either that or Ted Schact can play maximum tennis both when constipated and with shit in his pants. That's not an exact analogy, but it's reasonably close.
Fuckin' Leyner writes like he's permanently constipated.
Let's figure out some way to troll Douglas.
Goddam fuckin' plebian "facts." Only incontinents heard of this before DFW put Depend on the map. They actually thanked him.
Gimmick?? They said that of Hendrix too. When he tired of arguing he said; "Gimmicks? Gimmicks? Yeah, we do." And in this case, if one fully read and UNDERSTOOD IJ, they would see that the initial jokey "gimmick" later resurrects as a gigantic statement about religion and Christ's return to earth particularly.
Admittedly, it does get pretty complicated, and requires analogy, symbolism and interpretation. In fact David and I are the only ones who know this; and he closed his end with a "Fuck you all. I'm outta here."
It's either that or Ted Schact can play maximum tennis both when constipated and with shit in his pants. That's not an exact analogy, but it's reasonably close.
Fuckin' Leyner writes like he's permanently constipated.
Let's figure out some way to troll Douglas.
BeggarB wrote: "Only incontinents heard of this before DFW put Depend on the map."But this raises the question -- who besides incontinents really even needed to know about Depend Adult Undergarments in the first place? You're basically glorifying a cheap scatological joke you'd just as readily condemn had Leyner come up with it first.
BeggarB wrote: "if one fully read and UNDERSTOOD IJ, they would see that the initial jokey "gimmick" later resurrects as a gigantic statement about religion and Christ's return to earth particularly"I think I read that book back when it was called Narnia, yo.
Arthur said; "But this raises the question -- who besides incontinents really even needed to know about Depend Adult Undergarments in the first place? You're basically glorifying a cheap scatological joke you'd just as readily condemn had Leyner come up with it first. "
Whew. You're basically making a 14th century argument for the adequacy of ignorance; though you have already confessed to an excellent reason for a strong personal bias. In this "Enlightened" 21st century era we obviously need to know all information, including the 300 euphemisms for fart. Check it out. About ten are funny. "Blowing raspberries" is a personal favorite.
IDK. I tend to glorify myself by thinking I have an open mind; and would therefore be the first to extoll Mark Leyner when he broke new ground, rather than wind. But please tell me. What has Mark Leyner ever come up with FIRST? Tethered balls?
Whew. You're basically making a 14th century argument for the adequacy of ignorance; though you have already confessed to an excellent reason for a strong personal bias. In this "Enlightened" 21st century era we obviously need to know all information, including the 300 euphemisms for fart. Check it out. About ten are funny. "Blowing raspberries" is a personal favorite.
IDK. I tend to glorify myself by thinking I have an open mind; and would therefore be the first to extoll Mark Leyner when he broke new ground, rather than wind. But please tell me. What has Mark Leyner ever come up with FIRST? Tethered balls?
BeggarB wrote: "What has Mark Leyner ever come up with FIRST? Tethered balls?"Precisely! According to GR, there are only four other books in existence with the word "tetherball" in their title, and the oldest one lagged behind Leyner's book by a full decade.
Among other things, Douglas said; "Please be aware that was merely Hackle-lite."
Thank you. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Ersatz duplication is akin to reverential worship. Thank you, little man.
Hackle lite is a redundant phrase.
Douglas also wrote as a plug, perhaps butt, "So maybe stay off The Hottest Gay Man Ever Killed in a Shark Attack, lest it induce an aneurism in ya."
I'll consider that, though it was placed on a few "Best of 2016" lists. IDK man. You know like uh, as far as I knew Rosebud was like a girl; Marion Davies in particular; and when you re-incarnate her as a guy, it kind of turns everything upside down. Then I kind of get dizzy and pukey. No fun. So, is this like another inadequacy I have? ............ You can tell the truth. I only cry in my pillow.
Thank you. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Ersatz duplication is akin to reverential worship. Thank you, little man.
Hackle lite is a redundant phrase.
Douglas also wrote as a plug, perhaps butt, "So maybe stay off The Hottest Gay Man Ever Killed in a Shark Attack, lest it induce an aneurism in ya."
I'll consider that, though it was placed on a few "Best of 2016" lists. IDK man. You know like uh, as far as I knew Rosebud was like a girl; Marion Davies in particular; and when you re-incarnate her as a guy, it kind of turns everything upside down. Then I kind of get dizzy and pukey. No fun. So, is this like another inadequacy I have? ............ You can tell the truth. I only cry in my pillow.
Referrring to IJ, Arthur wrote; "I think I read that book back when it was called Narnia, yo."
A number of tedious replies could be made and most of them would be appealing to any MFA endowed book reviewer. But, I don't feel like writing a fucking book about it. If one disregards the intended age of the reader it's a reasonably close comparison .................... FOR ONE ASPECT OF IJ, though the final resolution differs. There is an infinite supply of more aspects; but to see that one must not have crapped out after 300 pages, or else be dependent on moi being teacherly; and I hate that roll.
Narnia was an excellent book; and that is borne out by the fact that the aggregate GR rating is just a bit behind that of IJ, despite having picked up all the nicey, nicey four and five stars given to any children's book.
A number of tedious replies could be made and most of them would be appealing to any MFA endowed book reviewer. But, I don't feel like writing a fucking book about it. If one disregards the intended age of the reader it's a reasonably close comparison .................... FOR ONE ASPECT OF IJ, though the final resolution differs. There is an infinite supply of more aspects; but to see that one must not have crapped out after 300 pages, or else be dependent on moi being teacherly; and I hate that roll.
Narnia was an excellent book; and that is borne out by the fact that the aggregate GR rating is just a bit behind that of IJ, despite having picked up all the nicey, nicey four and five stars given to any children's book.
BeggarB wrote: "Narnia was an excellent book; and that is borne out by the fact that the aggregate GR rating is just a bit behind that of IJ."According to that logic, my own Labial Linguistics is better than them both.
Arthur wrote; "According to GR, there are only four other books in existence with the word "tetherball" in their title, and the oldest one lagged behind Leyner's book by a full decade."
According to GR my 38 books have had 30 ratings, 7 identical one star reviews, and in excess of 400 four and five starred ones which have "mysteriously" disappeared.
So, if you have a predilection toward being an asshole, just keep believing what you read on GR.
According to GR my 38 books have had 30 ratings, 7 identical one star reviews, and in excess of 400 four and five starred ones which have "mysteriously" disappeared.
So, if you have a predilection toward being an asshole, just keep believing what you read on GR.
Arthur wrote; "According to that logic, my own Labial Linguistics is better than them both," in an apparent slightly incorrect analogical response, not considering reader's age, to my writing; "Narnia was an excellent book; and that is borne out by the fact that the aggregate GR rating is just a bit behind that of IJ, despite having picked up all the nicey, nicey four and five stars given to any children's book."
The short answer is "see post #64," which was actually written before I was aware of #63. The longer answer is whether it is better or not, likely is more accurate when the number of responders is 22,000 as opposed to 22. That can be debated with anyone not privvy to 11th year maths.
Labial Linguistics gets my seal of approval; but you know it would be undeniably improved if it went on for a few more hours.
The short answer is "see post #64," which was actually written before I was aware of #63. The longer answer is whether it is better or not, likely is more accurate when the number of responders is 22,000 as opposed to 22. That can be debated with anyone not privvy to 11th year maths.
Labial Linguistics gets my seal of approval; but you know it would be undeniably improved if it went on for a few more hours.
BeggarB wrote: "if you have a predilection toward being an asshole, just keep believing what you read on GR."Regardless of whether or not one believes what one reads on GR, questioning Arthur Graham's penchant for assholism is like questioning a cute little puppy dog's predilection for peeing on the carpet, or questioning the sun's ability to shine. Can you distill my essence into a thimbleful of schnapps? Can you take a rainbow and make it fit inside your mouth? If you can answer yes to either of these questions, you MAY just be an even bigger asshole than me, and I am an asshole Jedi, my friend.
Wow. Didn't copy any part as I'm not sure what it is I'm trying to respond to.
Assholism. It's generally considered a disease by the profession which profits from its treatment. But there are "free" AA groups available which boast a higher "success" rate; though it is impolite to say that most of the cured just switch their addiction to reefer.
If it wasn't previously clear I have no doubts that your CURRENTLY shown predilections are toward the "safety" of assholism. It's kind of an irrelevant guess, but I suspect that wasn't always the case. The details, if applicable, are not my business. It's like when Joelle discusses her wearing of the veil. She can make perfect believable sense of it; and after you accept that she says "What if I lied about the beginning of the story?" which results in a 180 conclusion. And that's simple as it only involves two possibilities, when there are an infinite number of them; the observer ultimately completely dependent upon the sayso of the actor-actress, who if reasonably competent, will not make a clearcut mistake in producing the view he-she wants seen. I'm on IJ-Blase Eight territory. The terrain was not comfortable and I'm more inclined toward trusting dogs right now. Guess that's a plug.
In general the distillation of essences is not all that difficult if the distiller pays attention. Among the best players, there will always be some degree of doubt, but the suggestion of an outcome, which will result in winnings if bet upon.
Rainbow in mouth? What? You think they're all the size of Trump Tower?
If you think I'm an assoholic, you have a lot of company, and I really don't care.
Assholism. It's generally considered a disease by the profession which profits from its treatment. But there are "free" AA groups available which boast a higher "success" rate; though it is impolite to say that most of the cured just switch their addiction to reefer.
If it wasn't previously clear I have no doubts that your CURRENTLY shown predilections are toward the "safety" of assholism. It's kind of an irrelevant guess, but I suspect that wasn't always the case. The details, if applicable, are not my business. It's like when Joelle discusses her wearing of the veil. She can make perfect believable sense of it; and after you accept that she says "What if I lied about the beginning of the story?" which results in a 180 conclusion. And that's simple as it only involves two possibilities, when there are an infinite number of them; the observer ultimately completely dependent upon the sayso of the actor-actress, who if reasonably competent, will not make a clearcut mistake in producing the view he-she wants seen. I'm on IJ-Blase Eight territory. The terrain was not comfortable and I'm more inclined toward trusting dogs right now. Guess that's a plug.
In general the distillation of essences is not all that difficult if the distiller pays attention. Among the best players, there will always be some degree of doubt, but the suggestion of an outcome, which will result in winnings if bet upon.
Rainbow in mouth? What? You think they're all the size of Trump Tower?
If you think I'm an assoholic, you have a lot of company, and I really don't care.
Arthur wrote; "Can you distill my essence into a thimbleful of schnapps? Can you take a rainbow and make it fit inside your mouth? "
Thimbleful of schnapps? Probably not. A half cup of dog piss, probably yes.
Rainbows in mouth? Twisting Joelle. Who the fuck can be sure if I keep my mouth shut?
All the great secrets of life are not in Karnak; but in "Infinite Jest."
It's a real tragedy how you and Doug are so over your heads.
Thimbleful of schnapps? Probably not. A half cup of dog piss, probably yes.
Rainbows in mouth? Twisting Joelle. Who the fuck can be sure if I keep my mouth shut?
All the great secrets of life are not in Karnak; but in "Infinite Jest."
It's a real tragedy how you and Doug are so over your heads.
BeggarB wrote: "Hackle lite is a redundant phrase."^Not completely terrible. 2.5 stars, let's say. Still, Woo Li would've come up with a much better retort than that.
Regarding IJ: Isn't it a 10,000-page tome about a rich, spoiled-rotten, white dude who attends a tennis academy, experiences some first-world rich-white-boy problems, fails to become a tennis pro, gets a bad case of the cracker-ass honky blues, and, consequently, blows his brains out?
No thanks.
BeggarB = Woo Li-lite
Douglas wrote; "Not completely terrible. 2.5 stars, let's say. Still, Woo Li would've come up with a much better retort than that."
That reminds me of something I said this morning. My apologies for not being top notch on GR; but frankly they ain't payin' me shit, so I just rattle off whatever comes to mind that moment. It's kind of psychologically good for me as the non-effort produces better stuff than the guys who wait 5-6 hours to think of something "bright."
Your questions answered sequentially, youngster.
12,578
WTF is a tome? If you mean book, write book. Nobody's impressed with oddball words from the thesaurus.
Maybe rich. Certainly comfortable. The book doesn't focus on money until the transvestite spy starts some long ass bullshit in the dry heat
Spoiled rotten is a relative judgement. I'd guess, no more than Holden Caulfield. You jealous Millennials just hate that shit, don't you?
He talks like a white non-dude, but I can't remember him specifying. He doesn't rap.
His parents own the tennis academy. He attends it and is the best tennis player there; but not good enough to go pro; just college crap.
first-world, rich-white-boy problems. Who cares about any other kind?
won't be a pro unless he goes on the cheap Eurasian tour. Not likely.
Cracker ass honky blues. No, he's nothing like Arthur.
Blows his brains out? Noooo. Unless you might mean the minority opinion that the last 4,000 pages are really him having a drug induced dream. I think that's a lot of crap myself.
So, just like a typical Bizarro dickhead, you're saying no to something when you don't even know what it is. If he was some stupid trailer park dork with pet cockroaches, who want to get loose and kill him, that would be OK, I guess.
BeggarB = Woo Li lite? That's one way of saying it. The other involves a revolving persona as in Picasso's cubism. This song may even help a Millennial understand something.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RJoL...
Hope ya preesheeate me heppin ya out, boy. Last time I posted this song I gots dam neer 2 weeks of Derrida from Arthur; and the fuckin' thing got squat to do with fuckin' Derrida.
Oh yeah. You might consider putting something about that forthcoming Wynona Ryder schizz on your blog. Somebody might look at it. .............. And what got you interested in doing biographies?
That reminds me of something I said this morning. My apologies for not being top notch on GR; but frankly they ain't payin' me shit, so I just rattle off whatever comes to mind that moment. It's kind of psychologically good for me as the non-effort produces better stuff than the guys who wait 5-6 hours to think of something "bright."
Your questions answered sequentially, youngster.
12,578
WTF is a tome? If you mean book, write book. Nobody's impressed with oddball words from the thesaurus.
Maybe rich. Certainly comfortable. The book doesn't focus on money until the transvestite spy starts some long ass bullshit in the dry heat
Spoiled rotten is a relative judgement. I'd guess, no more than Holden Caulfield. You jealous Millennials just hate that shit, don't you?
He talks like a white non-dude, but I can't remember him specifying. He doesn't rap.
His parents own the tennis academy. He attends it and is the best tennis player there; but not good enough to go pro; just college crap.
first-world, rich-white-boy problems. Who cares about any other kind?
won't be a pro unless he goes on the cheap Eurasian tour. Not likely.
Cracker ass honky blues. No, he's nothing like Arthur.
Blows his brains out? Noooo. Unless you might mean the minority opinion that the last 4,000 pages are really him having a drug induced dream. I think that's a lot of crap myself.
So, just like a typical Bizarro dickhead, you're saying no to something when you don't even know what it is. If he was some stupid trailer park dork with pet cockroaches, who want to get loose and kill him, that would be OK, I guess.
BeggarB = Woo Li lite? That's one way of saying it. The other involves a revolving persona as in Picasso's cubism. This song may even help a Millennial understand something.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RJoL...
Hope ya preesheeate me heppin ya out, boy. Last time I posted this song I gots dam neer 2 weeks of Derrida from Arthur; and the fuckin' thing got squat to do with fuckin' Derrida.
Oh yeah. You might consider putting something about that forthcoming Wynona Ryder schizz on your blog. Somebody might look at it. .............. And what got you interested in doing biographies?
BeggarB wrote: "the fuckin' thing got squat to do with fuckin' Derrida."Derrida, were he still alive, would most likely disagree. Or, at the very least, he would elucidate for us how, by its very act of signifying nothing about Derrida, "the fuckin' thing" just as readily signifies everything about Derrida, or any number of other arbitrary and transitory signifieds. In fact, Derrida is still alive, because the notion of his death itself represents an impasse where we must admit he lives on through our very discussion of it.
Of course, fucking Derrida would disagree. He made a career of it, after stealing the simple idea of cubism from Picasso. You are aware that he had his critics; mostly calling him dilletantish for getting into so many areas. I thought you preferred those who focus.
But, I do have to admit that your understanding of what I think is an overly complicated POV is excellent.
In fairness you might have mentioned that Bob Dylan said that he would not discuss his lyrics because words change their meanings every ten years a few years prior to Jacque's volumes on it.
I know it's my fault, but do you think it's a good idea to discuss Derrida when Doug's around? He's liable to pull a Leyner and clam up in Manhattan.
But, I do have to admit that your understanding of what I think is an overly complicated POV is excellent.
In fairness you might have mentioned that Bob Dylan said that he would not discuss his lyrics because words change their meanings every ten years a few years prior to Jacque's volumes on it.
I know it's my fault, but do you think it's a good idea to discuss Derrida when Doug's around? He's liable to pull a Leyner and clam up in Manhattan.
Arthur wrote; " In fact, Derrida is still alive, because the notion of his death itself represents an impasse where we must admit he lives on through our very discussion of it."
Yeah, right. And therefore God's the alivest mofo of all time.
Yeah, right. And therefore God's the alivest mofo of all time.
Time for a new quiz!Choose your favorite GR profile name:
1) Woo Li
2) Hecta X
3) FatWatt
4) Donald D
5) Andy Harper
6) Harper Lee
7) Lee Harvey Oswald
8) Dicknose Malloy
BeggarB wrote: "So, just like a typical Bizarro dickhead, you're saying no to something when you don't even know what it is. If he was some stupid trailer park dork with pet cockroaches, who want to get loose and kill him, that would be OK, I guess."Typical Bizarro dickhead," huh? That's not what you called me in your magnum opus, The OFFICIAL Bizarro Bible.
To closely paraphrase your quote: "And lo, on the 7th day, instead of resting, God made Douglas Hackle--some sort of nonpareil visionary, a veritable golden god himself and accomplished Derrida scholar to boot--and God saw that this was good."
Arthur wrote: "Time for a new quiz!
Choose your favorite GR profile name:
1) Woo Li
2) Hecta X
3) FatWatt
4) Donald D
5) Andy Harper
6) Harper Lee
7) Lee Harvey Oswald
8) Dicknose Malloy"
No contest. Dicknose Malloy. A deformed private eye with an un-standard way of chewing the rug. Just throw in a few Chandler-esque motifs, and damn, that could be a whole series. .......... On second thought I think I already did that and it has sold 8 copies in three years. Must be shitty editing.
Choose your favorite GR profile name:
1) Woo Li
2) Hecta X
3) FatWatt
4) Donald D
5) Andy Harper
6) Harper Lee
7) Lee Harvey Oswald
8) Dicknose Malloy"
No contest. Dicknose Malloy. A deformed private eye with an un-standard way of chewing the rug. Just throw in a few Chandler-esque motifs, and damn, that could be a whole series. .......... On second thought I think I already did that and it has sold 8 copies in three years. Must be shitty editing.
Douglas wrote; "Typical Bizarro dickhead," huh? That's not what you called me in your magnum opus, The OFFICIAL Bizarro Bible.
To closely paraphrase your quote: "And lo, on the 7th day, instead of resting, God made Douglas Hackle--some sort of nonpareil visionary, a veritable golden god himself and accomplished Derrida scholar to boot--and God saw that this was good."
Explain, explain. Context. The statement containing "typical Bizzaro dickhead" had a clear indication that you were not one of these generally, but in this particular instance were acting like one.
TOBB my magnum opus? I'm not sure that I've ever been more insulted. So, I'll pretend you intended sarcasm. I have only two other options. I can repeat "typical Bizarro dickhead" or I can consider every other thing I've done horrendous; worse than Leyner, Derrida, and even Sanderson. Don't you dare address that as I'm feeling suicidal today.
And yes, I wrote something like that with less eloquence. Just to put a little context on that; everyday I look back at a page from one of my books. No lie; 7 times out of 10 I think: "I wrote that? I don't remember it at all. Must have been in some fucked up inebriated mood I can no longer imagine."
The closest I can today come in imagining it was that I wanted to put in the sarcasm about Derrida (I mean when the fucking guy writes or speaks he sounds like Leyner making up vague, meaningless bullshit for a Paris Review interviewer.) and I must have been heavy on the thesaurus, cause I don't even know what nonpareil means.
To closely paraphrase your quote: "And lo, on the 7th day, instead of resting, God made Douglas Hackle--some sort of nonpareil visionary, a veritable golden god himself and accomplished Derrida scholar to boot--and God saw that this was good."
Explain, explain. Context. The statement containing "typical Bizzaro dickhead" had a clear indication that you were not one of these generally, but in this particular instance were acting like one.
TOBB my magnum opus? I'm not sure that I've ever been more insulted. So, I'll pretend you intended sarcasm. I have only two other options. I can repeat "typical Bizarro dickhead" or I can consider every other thing I've done horrendous; worse than Leyner, Derrida, and even Sanderson. Don't you dare address that as I'm feeling suicidal today.
And yes, I wrote something like that with less eloquence. Just to put a little context on that; everyday I look back at a page from one of my books. No lie; 7 times out of 10 I think: "I wrote that? I don't remember it at all. Must have been in some fucked up inebriated mood I can no longer imagine."
The closest I can today come in imagining it was that I wanted to put in the sarcasm about Derrida (I mean when the fucking guy writes or speaks he sounds like Leyner making up vague, meaningless bullshit for a Paris Review interviewer.) and I must have been heavy on the thesaurus, cause I don't even know what nonpareil means.
I won't be posting any more comments on this thread until you two Dicknose Malloys kiss and make up.
Arthur said; "I won't be posting any more comments on this thread until you two Dicknose Malloys kiss and make up."
Well, what a little drama mama.
While this is post-structurally feasible I have a ticklish reticence to kiss unshaven guys and have absolutely drawn the line at makeup. A "yo" and a soft punch in the upper arm is extended.
Further I didn't recognize that Doug and I were doing anything other than exchanging literary discourse as the big boys do on TV. I fully expect that this whole thing was induced by an AG fantasy; but if I say that AG will get into all the signified-signifier bullshit. Eastern religions had this concept when white people were still scratching their hairy asses in caves; the lover and the loved.
Now will you please post something either brilliant, funny, or reasonably articulate?
Well, what a little drama mama.
While this is post-structurally feasible I have a ticklish reticence to kiss unshaven guys and have absolutely drawn the line at makeup. A "yo" and a soft punch in the upper arm is extended.
Further I didn't recognize that Doug and I were doing anything other than exchanging literary discourse as the big boys do on TV. I fully expect that this whole thing was induced by an AG fantasy; but if I say that AG will get into all the signified-signifier bullshit. Eastern religions had this concept when white people were still scratching their hairy asses in caves; the lover and the loved.
Now will you please post something either brilliant, funny, or reasonably articulate?
I didn't mean to be so challenging. Re-reading indicates that I took away all your options.
All right. Let's start over. I pick "Andy Harper" because I have absolutely no clue as to who that is. Kind of like a bored Nicholson in "The Passenger."
So, what now? Ball's in your court, not to refer to you know who.
All right. Let's start over. I pick "Andy Harper" because I have absolutely no clue as to who that is. Kind of like a bored Nicholson in "The Passenger."
So, what now? Ball's in your court, not to refer to you know who.
Is anyone going to mention anything about poetry?
Douglas wrote: "ConwayT = BeggarB-lite"
Darn youngsters. If we go back to Woo Li, ConwayT is lite squared. You'll see someday. It's not the least bit funny when you need a cane and don't think all that quick. Thank the Lord for the Google navigator or many of us wouldn't be able to get home.
If you want to read pages and pages of more maudlin, boring as piss essays about being a decrepit failure living in the past there is plenty of that on GR. I can't say the name because I promised Arthur 7 or 8 times that I wouldn't bother him anymore or mention his name after he started bawling last time I made fun of him.
Darn youngsters. If we go back to Woo Li, ConwayT is lite squared. You'll see someday. It's not the least bit funny when you need a cane and don't think all that quick. Thank the Lord for the Google navigator or many of us wouldn't be able to get home.
If you want to read pages and pages of more maudlin, boring as piss essays about being a decrepit failure living in the past there is plenty of that on GR. I can't say the name because I promised Arthur 7 or 8 times that I wouldn't bother him anymore or mention his name after he started bawling last time I made fun of him.
So what am I doing today? Thank you for so kindly inquiring. I've been talking to myself and somehow managed to get into an argument. See, I've been honing my humble, self-effacing, big-selling author interview skills which I'll need in about two months. Yes, I will definitely mention to Oprah the names of all the little people I knew and respected while on the path. You know, I'll say;
1) How lucky I was.
2) How there are so many others doing better stuff.
3) How hard I worked.
4) How I love all the people who helped.
5) Yadda yadda.
I hope not to regurgitate all over the nice lady.
"I Was Forced to be a Slave to the Evil Goodreads Librarians," is destined for "50 Shades" kind of attention, and much more importantly, the corresponding wrinkled and dirty green stuff.
For Oprah and that pretentious, nasal jerk on appropriately titled "Book Worm" I can even say that it's po-mo, besause nobody knows what that means anyway, other than the stupid book makes references to other stupid books and puts in some mommy-daddy shit which can be incorrectly interpreted psychologically.
So, bottom line, if you guys suck up enough to suit me, your name will be said on TV with 88,000,000 viewers.
And P.S. Dick. If things are post-structural, how can you deconstruct it without knocking over the fucking post?
You will now excuse me, as I'm copying this to my files. It's 2,000 smackers a word now; no more of that penny insult.
1) How lucky I was.
2) How there are so many others doing better stuff.
3) How hard I worked.
4) How I love all the people who helped.
5) Yadda yadda.
I hope not to regurgitate all over the nice lady.
"I Was Forced to be a Slave to the Evil Goodreads Librarians," is destined for "50 Shades" kind of attention, and much more importantly, the corresponding wrinkled and dirty green stuff.
For Oprah and that pretentious, nasal jerk on appropriately titled "Book Worm" I can even say that it's po-mo, besause nobody knows what that means anyway, other than the stupid book makes references to other stupid books and puts in some mommy-daddy shit which can be incorrectly interpreted psychologically.
So, bottom line, if you guys suck up enough to suit me, your name will be said on TV with 88,000,000 viewers.
And P.S. Dick. If things are post-structural, how can you deconstruct it without knocking over the fucking post?
You will now excuse me, as I'm copying this to my files. It's 2,000 smackers a word now; no more of that penny insult.
ConwayT wrote: "So, bottom line, if you guys suck up enough to suit me, your name will be said on TV with 88,000,000 viewers."I only appear on podcasts with listenerships of 100 people or less.
Arthur said; "I only appear on podcasts with listenerships of 100 people or less."
Arthur, Arthur, old pal. How can I say this gently? It's not your appearance that is happening. It's mine.
And just to be further helpful. You can't "appear" on something with "listenerships." And I don't care if Derrida has some long-ass bullshit about how you can. No way. Nada. No can do.
One more. That "noble artist" posture no longer works for anyone over 15.
Arthur, Arthur, old pal. How can I say this gently? It's not your appearance that is happening. It's mine.
And just to be further helpful. You can't "appear" on something with "listenerships." And I don't care if Derrida has some long-ass bullshit about how you can. No way. Nada. No can do.
One more. That "noble artist" posture no longer works for anyone over 15.
ConwayT wrote: "Arthur, Arthur, old pal. How can I say this gently? It's not your appearance that is happening. It's mine."I'm not going on Oprah unless Dr. Phil agrees to a duel to the death on air.
arthur said; "I'm not going on Oprah unless Dr. Phil agrees to a duel to the death on air."
Thought you might come around.
LOL. He's one of my favorites too.
Maybe this can be negotiated. Maybe I can pull a Franzen, get a lot more publicity in so doing, and demand that your wishes be met. Either that or HST Summer Quarterly sells 75,000, and you pull the strings. ....................... Never mind. Oprah is not going to go for the kind of content in HST Quarterly. Not a chance.
It would be a blast though. You, Doug (for the weirdo one-liner here and there) and me talking a high brow/ thick ear mix. Virtually nobody will know what we're talking about. When that happens they usually conclude that you're geniuses; and pay good, good money to read the stuff in hardcover. If you're above that stuff I can sleep nights with your cut.
Enjoyed RD's blog a lot. Fuck hates me, but I always thought he'd be damn good when he gets off the political shit.
Thought you might come around.
LOL. He's one of my favorites too.
Maybe this can be negotiated. Maybe I can pull a Franzen, get a lot more publicity in so doing, and demand that your wishes be met. Either that or HST Summer Quarterly sells 75,000, and you pull the strings. ....................... Never mind. Oprah is not going to go for the kind of content in HST Quarterly. Not a chance.
It would be a blast though. You, Doug (for the weirdo one-liner here and there) and me talking a high brow/ thick ear mix. Virtually nobody will know what we're talking about. When that happens they usually conclude that you're geniuses; and pay good, good money to read the stuff in hardcover. If you're above that stuff I can sleep nights with your cut.
Enjoyed RD's blog a lot. Fuck hates me, but I always thought he'd be damn good when he gets off the political shit.
Day's progress. Likely thanks to the vast exposure provided by GR's 40 billion members, my book; IWFTBASTTEGRL," "Bast" for short is now the object of a furious bidding war not seen since the "City on Fire," Garth Risk Hallberg scam.
After a few rounds the leader is newcomer "Unnerving," at a $50 non-refundable advance against 10% of the e-book revenue, and a guaranty of 3 months front page exposure on their highly trafficked site.
However, they are insistent upon a writing style which evokes the variation Cormac McCarthy utilized in his smash "The Road," as opposed to the great stuff he did in things like "Blood Meridian."
For those unfamiliar it means short choppy sentences, short choppy paragraphs, and a dialogue which some reviewers call "I like it for what it didn't say, as much as I did for what it did."
I am grappling with an artistic dilemma.
After a few rounds the leader is newcomer "Unnerving," at a $50 non-refundable advance against 10% of the e-book revenue, and a guaranty of 3 months front page exposure on their highly trafficked site.
However, they are insistent upon a writing style which evokes the variation Cormac McCarthy utilized in his smash "The Road," as opposed to the great stuff he did in things like "Blood Meridian."
For those unfamiliar it means short choppy sentences, short choppy paragraphs, and a dialogue which some reviewers call "I like it for what it didn't say, as much as I did for what it did."
I am grappling with an artistic dilemma.
Excuse me for a bit. I'll have to spend some time being cordial to the press as they're congregating by my house. I just don't know if the fame and money are worth the total denial of privacy. The next thing you know they're going to insist upon me telling them about how much money and how much sex, and I'll probably wind up in my bikini drawers on the net, like Arthur.
In the meantime fans; enjoy this song. I don't think I've put on GR before.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9hRz...
In the meantime fans; enjoy this song. I don't think I've put on GR before.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9hRz...
It's OK. Some vicious prick thought they were funny in telling the press that fathead Billy Corgan was staying here. BC was/is the guy with Smashing Pumpkins whose ass once got kicked by Arthur.
Luckily they had not yet heard of me. These people were sort of like the rubes who "discovered" the Sex Pistols in like 1979. By the time they do I'll be with the stars in Carmel.
Luckily they had not yet heard of me. These people were sort of like the rubes who "discovered" the Sex Pistols in like 1979. By the time they do I'll be with the stars in Carmel.
ConwayT wrote: "Is anyone going to mention anything about poetry?"I'm giving up the poetry game. If I'm not careful, I'll wind up like Tupac!
ConwayT wrote: "I just don't know if the fame and money are worth the total denial of privacy. The next thing you know they're going to insist upon me telling them about how much money and how much sex, and I'll probably wind up in my bikini drawers on the net, like Arthur."Happens to the best of us, I'm afraid.
deleted user wrote: "I pick 'Andy Harper' because I have absolutely no clue as to who that is."Andy Harper is the fella who once famously asked me Why are you such a pretentious idiot? Thought you knew him, for some reason...
Arthur said; "Andy Harper is the fella who once famously asked me Why are you such a pretentious idiot? Thought you knew him, for some reason... "
No. I never even looked at who asked it, and thought that question was already there when I first noticed you. But, that could not have been true because I asked you the "going postal" question two months prior.
I always thought you asked yourself that one in line with your relatively recent "I'm just one of the guys" persona.
No. I never even looked at who asked it, and thought that question was already there when I first noticed you. But, that could not have been true because I asked you the "going postal" question two months prior.
I always thought you asked yourself that one in line with your relatively recent "I'm just one of the guys" persona.
Arthur said; "Happens to the best of us, I'm afraid."
Shit. I'm going to have to stuff with three socks to have any chance of competing.
Shit. I'm going to have to stuff with three socks to have any chance of competing.
Arthur said; "I'm giving up the poetry game. If I'm not careful, I'll wind up like Tupac!"
You never know in this treacherous world of GR librarians.
But forgetting that a second. Few greats have quit while on top. Yeah, they all say they will, but when the time comes they always keep taking that paycheck and embarrassing themselves in public.
No way you're gonna top "I Wrote a Poem for You."
You never know in this treacherous world of GR librarians.
But forgetting that a second. Few greats have quit while on top. Yeah, they all say they will, but when the time comes they always keep taking that paycheck and embarrassing themselves in public.
No way you're gonna top "I Wrote a Poem for You."
ConwayT wrote: "your relatively recent 'I'm just one of the guys' persona."Listen, every day I put on my leopard-print manties one leg at a time, just like the rest of you.
Arthur said; "Listen, every day I put on my leopard-print manties just like the rest of you. "
You listen. I've been around the block a few times and heard that stuff many times before. The real questions are;
1) Do you go right leg first?
2) Do you go left leg first?
3) Do you go both at the same time?
4) How many legs do you have?
5) Are you aware of how much you have psychologically revealed by answering these questions?
6) Do you care?
7) Does anybody?
Hey we got our quiz for the day accidentally.
My easy prediction is that none of the male or female eunuchs on GR will answer.
You listen. I've been around the block a few times and heard that stuff many times before. The real questions are;
1) Do you go right leg first?
2) Do you go left leg first?
3) Do you go both at the same time?
4) How many legs do you have?
5) Are you aware of how much you have psychologically revealed by answering these questions?
6) Do you care?
7) Does anybody?
Hey we got our quiz for the day accidentally.
My easy prediction is that none of the male or female eunuchs on GR will answer.
Okay, I see you've edited #98 just to make me look stupid on #99.
Excuse me for taking the time off to Wiki "manties." I feared some other trickery and didn't previously know that word. ........... Lingerie. .................. Hehe.
It's only fair that I inform you that it is my goal to look stupid on GR. You're playing right into my grand plan. Kitchy-koo, you bastard.
Excuse me for taking the time off to Wiki "manties." I feared some other trickery and didn't previously know that word. ........... Lingerie. .................. Hehe.
It's only fair that I inform you that it is my goal to look stupid on GR. You're playing right into my grand plan. Kitchy-koo, you bastard.
Jeez. Douglas IS Hecta X. Ol' grouch is Ah kill eez Y.
No wonder you have so much trouble with DFW books. For starters always remember that Joelle Van Dyne and Madame Psychosis are the same person; though Joelle sometimes purposely creates doubt about that; just for the hell of it.