Getting My Butt Kicked

I have had my butt kicked and I have kicked some butt myself.

My first butt kicking happened 100 years ago when I was 8 years old and there was this little piss ant girl that lived down the street along with her other 6 brothers and sisters. I was best friends with her brother but not with her.

Now, back then, if anyone messed with either one of my sisters, well, I’d come unglued. I was also oddly strong with forearms like damn Popeye, not kidding, because I was on steroids for my out of control asthma. Let’s just say the dose must have been high enough to make me the Incredible 8-year-old She-Hulk.

No one messed with me.

Anyway, one day after leaving my best friend’s house and heading home, my sister came in shortly after me crying her eyes out. Oh, nuh uh, “Who made you cry? What did they do?” My sister could hardly talk she was so upset but finally managed to tell me that piss ant (3 years older and bigger than me and 5 years older than my little sister) called her names and shoved her down.

Cue the green skin, beefing up of the body, and clothes tearing from my anger.

With adrenaline and a royally pissed off attitude to boot, I marched down to the piss ant’s house, found her in the front yard, and proceeded to beat the living shit out of her. The beating was so bad and the piss ant was screaming so loud that her mom came out and rips me off of her, as I had her laying on her back in the grass, sitting on top of her, as I beat her bloody. When it was all said and done, I had broken her nose and bloodied her lip.

In the meantime, my mom comes running down the street having figured out what I had gone and done to defend my little sister. The two moms proceed to scold the hell outta me as they mopped up blood from the piss ant’s face.

I calmly explained that no one messes with my sisters ever and if she does it again, I’d kick her ass again. Yes, I said ass in front of two Catholic women at 8 years old.

I was grounded for a week but made to feel proud at the same time for sticking up for my sister by my mom and dad.

I got my butt kicked for nearly 16 years being married to the “other.” The butt kicking was mental and abusive and then later on physical. It sucked. Glad I’m free.

I nearly got my butt kicked a year ago when a she/he/it thing thought I was laughing at her/him/it and yelled out across the whole meat department, “Are you laughing at me? Do you want me to kick your ass?” God love “it.” It was either drunk as hell or high as a kite. I should have gone for it to relieve some tension . . . just kidding. I told it no and it wandered off.

I have been playing tennis since I was 5, I even taught some, and found myself on a ladies league about 2 years ago until I hurt my shoulder. I’d get my butt kicked with some of my partners but good Lord Almighty, we had a ball getting our butts kicked.

Now, I am in a new type of butt kicking, the kicking of my own butt.

Since July 29, 2016, I have managed to lose 42 pounds using Weight Watchers. This is the hands down easiest plan there is and it works. Now, my new way of eating really does kick my butt sometimes because I have to be conscience of what crap I am putting into my mouth.

However. . .

The biggest kicking of my butt has been what is called the Bowflex Max but I like to call him Mad Max because he makes me mad at how bad he can kick my butt!

In watching the commercials I was highly doubtful that 14 minutes could do anything for a person but I’m here to tell you . . . it can and does. I have only managed 15 minutes at my max but usually do 10-12 minutes and it truly kicks my butt.

After this morning’s butt kicking for 11 minutes, I sit here with sore legs and sore abs. Yes, my abs get it too as well as my arms and butt.

If y’all want a butt kicking, I recommend the Bowflex Max aka Mad Max! And if you mess with one of my sisters, I’ll kick your butt. That, you can count on.

Love y’all!!♥