An Uneventful Walk but Not an Uneventful Day
This was the look on my face after the weirdest ass encounter I have ever had with another human being.
Let me back up . . .
I woke up the other day to a big chunk of time to walk and a gorgeous day outside. Here in Alabama the weather is as unpredictable as who will win the lottery. Here it is January and the temp was 70 degrees. When that happens, I gotta get a walk in because I feel like a caged animal when I have to work out indoors.
While on my walk I was braced for Edward Scissor Arms, a bag of shit carelessly left along the path, or the two Asian ladies fighting but you know what . . . none of that. I think secretly, I was disappointed. I did see a lovely older couple holding hands along the path smiling up at each other, it was precious. I did see a lovely older gentleman walking a really interesting looking dog. I did see two ladies walking and talking about the price of groceries, “I hear ya sisters. I’d be damn rich if I didn’t have to buy groceries or gas!”
As I made my way back home both shocked and disappointed that it was a rather dull walk, I cleaned myself up and then went to my bowling league. While at bowling, my phone went off indicating a text. My daughter informed me that she was in a rather awkward situation having leaked through her line of defense of her ‘that time of the month’ and was dying of embarrassment could I please come and check her out. Well, I was right in the middle of bowling with my team so I enlisted the help of my mother-in-law. I have the best mother-in-law, y’all!! I really do!
She was the super hero and went to check my daughter out for me. Well, I get a call from the school a bit later telling me that she was not on the list of folks to check my daughter out which is bullshit because I put her on the list myself and who the hell would leave their awesome sauce mother-in-law off of ‘the list.’ I was able to give verbal permission but was informed that I’d have to come down to the school ASAP and put her on the list. I was pissed!
So, begins the weirdness . . .
Once I arrived home after bowling, my daughter was ready to go back to school having taken care of everything necessary.
We had an uneventful ride to school, an uneventful buzzing into the school, and then . . .
After checking my daughter in at one pod, I had to go to the main office to put my mother-in-law on the list that she was already on and this is what happened when I entered the main office . . .
I spotted a lady behind the desk with a volunteer sticker on her shirt, glasses, long hair, and she looked a bit like an upscale hippy, but what came out of her mouth was going to disturb me on a lotta levels.
“Weeeelllll, there you are! Look at you, you gorgeous woman.”
What the hell? Do I know this hippy chick? Well, no, I don’t.
“Uh, hi? I need to put my mother-in-law back on the list of folks to check my daughter out. She was on the list and I don’t know what happened.”
There was another lady sitting next to ‘freak thing’ who at this point was staring at me as if I was some movie star that she was crazy about. I literally felt like she was feeling me up with her eyes . . . please refer to the picture above.
So, as I’m trying to tell the typing lady at the computer my mother-in-laws name and phone number, ‘freak show’ begins to talk over us!
“What’s that shirt you have on and that dragonfly on it? I love that and I love your hair and I love your face and I love your hands. Can I take a picture of you?”
“Um, the dragonfly logo is from my business and why do you want a picture of me?”
Now, I don’t know this woman AT ALL and she has turned into the paparazzi as I am standing their giving typing lady my info. At this point typing lady is looking at freak show and I can tell that she is not fond of her and is also wondering what the hell her deal is.
In the mean time, freak show paparazzi has taken about 20 pictures of me and the 3 teenage office helpers start to notice and are staring at the scene like the dude in the picture above. I feel like I’m in the damn Twilight Zone.
Freak show then says, “Maybe I could follow you home and take a look at your clinic. I’d love to see where you live.”
Um, security?!
At this point, the whole office has stopped what they are doing to listen and watch the ‘single white female’ stalk her prey.
Why me?????!!!
You know those scenes in movies like The Single White Female where that eerie music comes on as the lady is looking or thinking about the lady she is enamored by, that’s what I was hearing in my head as I peered at ‘freak show’ and the look on her face freaked me the hell out.
“Here’s Johnny!”
When I FINALLY got my stuff done with typing lady, I turned to leave and this is what I heard . . . “Love you see you later. You are now forever on my phone in picture form.”
WTF?!
So, that’s my true story and I have to say I’m a bit disturbed and will never go back to that main office on a Tuesday.
As I am retelling the story to my husband later on that day, he is shaking his head and says, “Her gay-dar must have been off or something.”
Ya think?
Love y’all!!♥
