"Want Me To Go With You?"
As I find rest from a grueling semester, I have come to the hard realization that I have placed my career before my health and well-being (yet again). I get so caught up in trying to make provisions for myself and my future that I get ahead of myself and simply do too much. So in teaching 27 credits, 6 days days a week, two campuses, and two online classes, I have compromised my health. I struggle with both hypertension and anxiety. Both of which are exacerbated by stress and fatigue and malnourishment. Sure, I have slipped in moments of wellness here and there. Runs, massages, and yoga sessions and salads when I could fit it. But truth is, those things couldn’t supplement the fact that I was often eating dinner after 10 pm because class ended at 9:30 or the fact that I was usually wired till about 1 or 2 am because we had such a bomb night class, subsequently leading to me not getting enough rest, which then led me to getting to the gym fewer days out of the week than I had hoped. Vicious cycle.
So on my first day off, I recommitted myself to myself. I went to a Vitamin shop, loaded on some vitamins and supplements that I felt my system was lacking. Stocked my fridge with only green stuff. Devoted full days to rest, and literally told myself that I am not allowed out of the house for ANY reason (because I will always find an errand to run). And excitedly, I renewed my membership for BootCamp. Boot Camp is an awesome space. It’s a space where so many different folks, from all walks of life, come to work on themselves. It kind of feels like group therapy to me. Dope music is often blasting. I give myself permission there to curse under my breath and out loud when the workouts get really, really tough. It’s my place to let it out! I often feel a little nervous going to Bootcamp because in many ways I am out of my comfort zone. I overthink things and wonder if the coaches will judge me for going missing for so long and reappearing conveniently around the holidays. Nevertheless, I got my membership and today was day two of my workout. Intense, insane, gratifying work out. No one judged me, everyone was gracious towards me. They were proud of me. I was proud of myself.
All day, I have been feeling a bit off kilter. Not so much sad, but cloudy. I’ve come to the conclusion that many times my mind matches the weather. I do best in sunshine. And my brain gets a bit foggy when I am not outdoors and when I am not really interacting with people. Living alone and being a writer, though I love both of them, sometimes forces me to be in my head a little more than I would like. So today, I was in my thoughts a little too much. No sun came out. I was cooped up in the house (because I forced myself to) and was feeling a little blah.
I had a healthy meal, showered and went to boot camp. I got to a particular circuit that was insanely difficult for me. I was struggling with my 45 pound plates. My legs felt like they were going numb. A young man next to me saw that I was struggling. He encouraged me and then he said, “want me to go with you for your last lap?” I am surprised he could understand me through all of my panting. “Yesss”, I exhaled.
And there we went, down the turf. This young, gentle stranger changed and lightened my whole day. God used him to remind me that though there is so much stuff, and life, and heavy laps that I have to muster the strength to do by myself. Still, somehow I am never alone.
Doing life and workouts side by side, somehow changes the dynamics of things. I am grateful but for a moment, I had a physical representation of the fact that I wasn’t alone.
Grateful for the mind to recommit myself to me. Excited for this new journey in my health and well-being. May we all remember, that whatever journey we are on, though we may have to do things by ourselves, we are never alone.
So on my first day off, I recommitted myself to myself. I went to a Vitamin shop, loaded on some vitamins and supplements that I felt my system was lacking. Stocked my fridge with only green stuff. Devoted full days to rest, and literally told myself that I am not allowed out of the house for ANY reason (because I will always find an errand to run). And excitedly, I renewed my membership for BootCamp. Boot Camp is an awesome space. It’s a space where so many different folks, from all walks of life, come to work on themselves. It kind of feels like group therapy to me. Dope music is often blasting. I give myself permission there to curse under my breath and out loud when the workouts get really, really tough. It’s my place to let it out! I often feel a little nervous going to Bootcamp because in many ways I am out of my comfort zone. I overthink things and wonder if the coaches will judge me for going missing for so long and reappearing conveniently around the holidays. Nevertheless, I got my membership and today was day two of my workout. Intense, insane, gratifying work out. No one judged me, everyone was gracious towards me. They were proud of me. I was proud of myself.
All day, I have been feeling a bit off kilter. Not so much sad, but cloudy. I’ve come to the conclusion that many times my mind matches the weather. I do best in sunshine. And my brain gets a bit foggy when I am not outdoors and when I am not really interacting with people. Living alone and being a writer, though I love both of them, sometimes forces me to be in my head a little more than I would like. So today, I was in my thoughts a little too much. No sun came out. I was cooped up in the house (because I forced myself to) and was feeling a little blah.
I had a healthy meal, showered and went to boot camp. I got to a particular circuit that was insanely difficult for me. I was struggling with my 45 pound plates. My legs felt like they were going numb. A young man next to me saw that I was struggling. He encouraged me and then he said, “want me to go with you for your last lap?” I am surprised he could understand me through all of my panting. “Yesss”, I exhaled.
And there we went, down the turf. This young, gentle stranger changed and lightened my whole day. God used him to remind me that though there is so much stuff, and life, and heavy laps that I have to muster the strength to do by myself. Still, somehow I am never alone.
Doing life and workouts side by side, somehow changes the dynamics of things. I am grateful but for a moment, I had a physical representation of the fact that I wasn’t alone.
Grateful for the mind to recommit myself to me. Excited for this new journey in my health and well-being. May we all remember, that whatever journey we are on, though we may have to do things by ourselves, we are never alone.
No comments have been added yet.
