Don't Believe Me? Just Watch.

I was sitting at dinner tonight with a girlfriend. We chatted away and at some point in our conversation, I sensed that three men sat down at our table. In engaging with my friend, my back was inadvertently turned away from the men. They ate and chatted away amongst themselves. I never made eye contact with any of them, neither did they greet us. We all sat at this large, community table. But we remained isolated. They spoke with each other. I spoke to my friend.


As my girlfriend and I left the Italian restaurant, as I gathered my things, I noticed one guy look at me. I looked at him. His friend was handsome. I wondered why they hadn’t said anything! I wondered why I didn’t change my body language to at least seem more available, to at least a conversation. I know my body language often screams the opposite of what I intend for it to, particularly to men. It often screams, “don’t talk to me”, “I’m unavailable”.


I kicked myself all the way to the metro. How will I ever meet someone, if I am too shy to speak!? How am I going to meet someone if men, even three of them, are too intimidated to greet me! I texted another one of my girlfriends my frustrations. “I’m never going to meet someone”, I dramatically lamented to her. My texts to her were coy, but in my heart, this was serious and legitimate fear...


Mid-text, a man...about 6’8, nice smile, gentle spirit, “fake” asked me if I knew where Howard University’s metro stop was. I sensed he just asked me this question that he probably already knew the answer to, to simply engage in a conversation with me. I told him I knew, because I too, went to Howard.


Just. Like. That. Smiles, numbers exchanged. Conversation. Confidence boosted. But more importantly a lesson from God..


Doubt and fear should have no residence in me. I will never ever miss out an opportunity, a love, a job, a conversation, a man that is ordained for me. There is not much that I have to do. I have to merely show up. Show up for myself. I have to be present. And I have to be still. And even in the midst of loud doubt in my frail humanity (because it will come), God is still God. And He can literally send something my way in an instant. I don’t even necessarily need gigantic faith for some of the things that I want. Just a little faith. Because God knows all about me. He knows that I am weak and that my certainty on some things waver. He just calls me to have faith the side of a mustard seed. Faith that doesn’t allow the light of my hope to ever *completely fizzle out.


So...this guy. This random, tall, handsome man. I may never see him again. But in the very, very least. This guy is today’s demonstration from God, that He sees me. Hears my cries. Feels my doubts. And is always ready and willing to send me confirmation that my requests are heard and validated.


He whispered to me…"You see, Soph? I got this. Watch Me work.”