The Charismatic Introvert

I’m writing about this subject because I finally have some clarity around the depth of conflict, confusion and joy in the loving of or in the being of a charismatic introvert.

Yes, I know there are other names for this way of being- and if it sounds contradictory, it is. You have go back to the early part of the 20th century when Dale Carnegie first popularized the thought that being an extrovert was good and right and being an introvert was flawed. So, for many people who discovered that being rewarded with love was reliant on achievement and performance and excellence, they, in fact, did that all the while harboring a sense of shame in not feeling they were safe to express to people how exhausting being that way was, physically, spiritually and emotionally. And, if you add on traumatic experiences, the compensating becomes even deeper and more important, in fact, a matter of survival.

And then we come along, and we see this brilliant beautiful, incredible creature who enthralls, captivates and touches us in every way a human being can feel, and it may appear to be mutual and it may even be for awhile.

BUT-

eventually the years and fears and suppressed tears take hold – particularly when tried and true strategies no longer work and circumstances become overwhelming – and the charismatic introvert flees,disappears or lets some of that long standing rage and resentment bubble over and get all over people who just want to love and be loved by them- and I know that experience all too well.

So I write this today, almost a year to the day, having experienced this myself to say to everyone mating, dating or even looking, ask your potential knockout incredible, once in a lifetime, too good to be true match what their thoughts are about boundaries, space and time alone in a relationship- and listen closely- because even though you might desperately want it to be a match- you might actually want to honor what you need and deserve- and the willingness to do so will reveal the abundance of options many of us don’t know that we don’t know.

And to my charismatic introverts- don’t change. Consider that creating a scenario in which you do get to have it all,in which your boundaries and needs are honored and respected requires baby steps of courage and willingness- when and if you are ever ready.

Or not. There is no shame or blame or guilt in love.

Namaste y’all.

With mad love and respect,

Dave Rudbarg

@CoachMeDave