Conversations with my Creator

My Allah

Through You I learned that it was okay to be glad and then sad. You taught me to be grateful when life was good and to remember You when everything is tinged with grey. I trust You because you are my Allah.

The believers remind me that You love me; they say when You take my joy away it is only to bring me closer to You. I am totally, completely and fully dependent on You.

But please tell me where I am going wrong. No matter how much I beg You to bring the right people into my life why do I find myself allowing the wrong ones into my circle.

He came into my world and I fell deeply. He seemed sincere and uttered the right words. I believed him; I still do. I knew it could only work with Your help. I raised my hands daily asking You to guide and protect him. To increase our faith in You and to fill his heart with love for me? Did I ask for too much?

I never told him how I felt..I was too scared. Perhaps that’s a good thing..You tell me.

Please wipe the tears from my heart. I loved him with every last piece of me and now there is no more.

I will still raise my hands in dua and ask that You give him everything he seeks. I don’t know how to forget him, how to close this chapter. Someday please let him see how much he bruised me, that he ruined me emotionally and broke my trust. I didn’t deserve that..I am just a wallflower.

Give me strength my Allah. You are my true constant. I am tired now and I need you to cradle me in Your arms.