Zaheera Walker's Blog

Happy birthday to me

Today is the day. Today is the day that I celebrate me and all the things I am. This birthday feels different though. I am not wearing my red dress, there is no bounce in my hair but I am so grateful to be alive. I am so grateful to know that I have a chance to do things that shape and augment the woman I am becoming.

Waited for this day since, since forever.Grateful for another trip around the sun.

My Lord,

Thank you for the magical years. The good, the bad and all else has made this journey a perfect cadence.
So much I am grateful for, so much that shows me quality surpasses quantity – all the time. Every. Single. Time. Everyday and especially on a day like today, I see the value of small things and the beautiful people in my life. I am grateful for my perfectly imperfect tribe, the ones who help me embrace my successes – my heartbreaks – my losses – my rejections – my betrayals. You have given me the courage to face my fears, to be resilient in every way and to observe silence when words are not necessary. This past year, I have laughed and cried and confided in so many rich souls. You are enough for me. Right now, I am so blessed – not in the material sense but with small things that bring great value and make my life worth living. I am still a work in progress and I see me coming together beautifully.

Grateful for another trip around the sun

The next best shot

There is something magical about the golf course. The rolling greens, golfers perfecting their shots, fresh air and freedom.

I do not play golf. I just love watching others drive, tee-off and do what gives them so much satisfaction. Anyway, I came here today to reflect on the months past. Life didn’t go according to plan. I tried something new and failed dismally, I prayed but I did not get the answers, I felt knots of fear and fell silent because I could not make anyone understand. But today, today I am okay. Just one breath at a time. At times like these, it is so important to be consistent in our faith, in our prayer and in the belief that God’s plan for us is definite.

I choose to forgive those who mislead me. I don’t want to live with bitterness because that will destroy my core. I don’t want to chase the material things in life because it is exhausting. I am where I am because it is where I need to be. I no longer want to compare myself to anyone or anything because that will simply diminish my life, and my life is so precious.

These subtle changes are like Winter ending (this was a harsh season here in South Africa. I felt it in the tips of my fingers and toes), making way for the birth of Spring. I am looking forward to renewal, a different mindset and a whole new ME

Reflecting on life and its lessons on the golf course

Birthday season

August is generally windy. Mindset adjustments and rolling change blows into my life. I can’t say if the Universe plans it that way, or perhaps it’s just me wanting to start anew as I make way for growth, my birthday. I am exciting and looking forward to Friday, 19 August. I will be older, a tad wiser and opening my arms to all that is mapped out for me. Generally, I plan my birthday months in advance but this year, this year I haven’t done anything. Aah well, come what may, I will definitely eat cake on my birthday

Embrace change, it brings growth

Author life chapters

An accidental author is who I am. Bleeding words from my mind onto a blinking screen is easy some days, but tough on the others. Sometimes, the story flows and then there are days when it struggles to come around rocks. But still I do it, even though I said never again after releasing my debut novel.

It hasn’t been all champagne and candy floss. Self-publishing is not for the faint-hearted. You have to give it your all from day one. Writing, editing, proofing, formatting, cover design, barcoding, e-booking, hardcopies and the joy of seeing your product for the first time. So many steps, no room for errors. You are your brand, you live it everyday.

To be honest, I fell into the plot by accident! But two years down the line, I am learning so much. Both good and bad experiences, I embrace it all.

The best experience was in 2016 when someone bought 250 copies of my debut novel, Deadline. My worst experience was a few weeks ago when I gave someone exclusivity to my latest novel. And then there are those who ask to market your books and fail to pay you on time.

So why do I do this? I write because I need an escape, I write to give hope to the hopeless and I write because I fucking love it. Period!

 

Reaping the harvest

Me, just a girl living in a big city and trying to experience the heights and depths of life. Why?

A few years ago, my world changed overnight. Change is good..don’t get me wrong…but I was not prepared for the magnitude of it. A source of comfort and a big part of my heart was snatched away. I decided then that I don’t want to live a life of regret. I never want to find myself on my deathbed thinking: Why didn’t I do that? I never want to say I should have, could have blah blah.

So while I am able-bodied and breathing, I am striving to do everything and anything that gives me heart-shuddering moments. That journey started in 2016 and each year I set new targets.

This year I chose to be airborne. Today, I experienced my first tandem skydive in Deneysville on the Vaal. The 75-minute drive was tedious but it didn’t compare to the excitement of getting suited up and strapped down. Two young ladies and six men were with me in the small plane. I felt cramped but knew that I had to do the jump..I waited so long.

Call me crazy, but I smiled and laughed through it all. Maybe that concealed my fears..I dunno. I jumped first and apart from the icy, cold air I felt like a million bucks 11 000 feet above ground.

Life is beautiful and amazing…when I look back I want to measure it not in the quantity I harvest, but according to the number of seeds I have sown.

Now as I lie on my bed reminiscing about today, I know I am not afraid to make mistakes or fall..because every wrong encourages me to do better, push harder and through it all I learn valuable lessons.

 

 

 

Women bullies

Aah, it has been a long time since my last post. So much has happened. My beautiful Mum passed away on 14 April and my world spun into darkness. May God forgive her sins and keep her safe in heaven. Ameen.

Now, we all rave about women who are abused and battered by their male counterparts. We charge them according to the law, take matters into our own hands sometimes – remember the case where a woman cut off her husband’s dick ..I think it was Bobbitt, and actress Charlize Theron’s mother who was left off the hook for self-defence reasons. Now we have Women’s Month this August and we decorate women with accolades and awards – and rightly so because women are making their mark in this world. Encore, encore!

BUT..what about women who are bullied by women? What’s the word I am looking for? Narcissism. Man, it is so rife amongst us today and so many abused women cower. When a man bullies or intimidates a woman, then we cry harrassment, abuse, insubordination blah, blah bloody blah. But what happens when a woman unleashes her bitchiness. Oh, but the Actress Of The Year Award should be given to her. She knows when to be sweet like sugar and nasty when there is no audience.

And let’s take it a step further. Women bullying women in the workplace is a subject that needs to be investigated. What does management do to remedy the matter quickly, do we leave the victims to fight on their own, do we tell them give it time and it will go away, do we turn a blind eye to formal grievances? What? Tell me now, because I want to know.

Enough is enough. I kept quiet for two years almost. And fooled everyone with a smile on my face. That smile is now turning into a frown. And I feel sad for the perpetrator because she is a woman just like me, a mother and a person created by God. But dammit man, it is clear that some broken women choose not to heal or be fixed back together. How do you deal with women bullies?

Now, what do I do about it. Well for starters, I want to write a book about this evil that is eating away at the core of our souls, I want to hear your story whether in private or public, I want to do whatever it takes to make it end. I refuse to be afraid…not anymore. Not when my mental health is affected, not when I smack my innocent sons black and blue because I am angry at myself. Fuck it man, it stops now.

 

 

If it is real, write it

“So let me try to make this clear as politely as I possible can. I never have, never will, and simply can’t write to any segment of reader demands. I do try to consider reader expectations, but I have to write the story that calls to me. Whatever story that is won’t ring the bell for every reader. I accept that.

I’m sorry that the stories that have pulled me in the last few years have taken me in a direction that disappoints a reader. But if I didn’t follow the pull, whatever I wrote likely wouldn’t satisfy any reader, much less myself.” ~ Nora Roberts

Why this topic today? Well, my latest novel DESECRATED was written based on a real experience by a young South African Muslim woman..I cannot and will not reveal her identity. Her story is about exposure to the harsh things women go through. Sometimes we come out shining, sometimes we are more bruised than before and most times we are too scared to speak out because of society.

So through my writing, I intend to address issues that have long been swept under the carpet. I know that some of you will not understand and I know there will be those who will choose to act holier than though .. I am cool with that. But for all the Rosina Khans and Siam Lees I have met and will come across, I wrote DESECRATED for you.

It started off as a story but is snowballing into so much more.

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If it’s real, write it

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Desecrated by Zaheera Walker.

DESECRATED, my latest Muslim Romance is turning out to be bigger than I imagined. Thank you for believing in me

This heart is full

I had a plan. But, life doesn’t go according to plans. At the end of January, I was going to start by releasing DESECRATED, a romance novel, online. Then, I was going to do a print run – 100 copies, 8 x 5 size, printed black on white paper.

But, I awoke this morning planning to do nothing but relax. I am on leave at the moment. Then my phone rings and I am told my books are on the way. I swear I was not ready..but when I saw the gloss cover and sniffed the pages, my heart filled with love.

Writing this story was easy and tough. Sometimes the words flowed and at other times the ink dried out. When I chose the woman to write the foreword for this book, I didn’t realise it was going to place me on the right platforms. Even the book cover was a winner thanks to a sweet lady – Gemma Poppet Rice. She is amazeballs.

Now the question remains: Are you ready for DESECRATED?

#romance #novel #books #zaheerawalker #self-published #indieauthor