Zaheera Walker's Blog, page 3

Write here, right now

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It has been five months now and I am taking my writing journey rather seriously. I am in a fortunate position because writing is a favourite pastime. I am not doing it for money – not yet. The demand is there but I want to just enjoy the craft and pay-it-forward. I have set up a writer’s page on Facebook – Zaheera Walker at Author. Check it out and follow what goes on in my head.

A few months ago I met someone who represented the ‘ideal’. NaNoWriMo came at just the right time – November. This novel writing project brings together professional and amateur writers from around the world. Now writing a complete manuscript in a month is daunting but because I was all starry eyed with the ‘ideal’ I set about scripting the words to ‘When loving him hurts.’ It fit perfectly into the romance genre. That was some crazy stuff because I am not good with romantic-ish. I fare well as a suspense/thriller person. I break the rules and there isn’t much that scares me. But all the elements were there and each time I sat to write I just cried. The story was raw and each chapter was full of everything we try to avoid. The protagonist is a cool chick and I promise you will fall in love with her crazy, quirky  ass!

The story also took me back to a time when I felt I was not good enough. The storyline is so real, so deep. Some of you will hate me and some of you will high five me. Either way I don’t care because that is just the way the cookie crumbles. My fellow author Ashleigh Giannoccaro encouraged me when she said: If it has all the feels then you are on the right track. I kept going and going. My story was done in five weeks.

The evening before I penned the last words another author friend questioned the title. Not in a bad way though but that got me thinking. The title has now changed but the story remains. It has the trimmings of innocence, love, heartbreak, cultural differences and good sex. Oh yes it is good and clean and dirty too.

Now that this project has ended I feel sad. I feel sad because it was my only link to the ‘ideal’. Everything started off beautifully but I always knew it was too good to be true. I guess I tempted fate when I plotted the story the way I did.

Beautiful chaos is dedicated to the ‘ideal’ and since he was my inspiration my acknowledgement reads: And finally to the man who inspired me to write this book. Thank you for giving me a glimpse into your world. We were so wrong, yet so right. I wish we had more time; I wish I met you sooner. With you I felt all the feels. One day I will find you and tell you what I feared the most. Until then I will always search for you in my dreams and beyond.

I guess it is true what they say. It is true that some things can only be felt in the heart.

 

 

Beautiful mess

Life is like a beautiful chaos. It ebbs and flows; it is magic and yet it ruffles you, it breaks you and then it makes you.

So here she finds herself surrounded by the beauty of summer, the freedom of nature and yet…yet she cannot breathe. Just to get by today she applied makeup to face the world but who is she trying to bluff..her scars can never be concealed.

Where did it go wrong? She didn’t plan any of this…and now she is left with wounds that may never heal. The girl who trembled when she saw you and tried hard not to fall is trying to make sense of it all – I am not trying to rhyme.

And do you know tears fell from her dark eyes like the raindrops before a storm? You told her you were different. You said you will always be around, maybe not close but never too far.

Without warning you left. Just your footprints on her heart. Now while the world indulges she remains alone, scrambling to put together the pieces of her broken heart.

Do you know how much she believed in you? Or that she sang your praises to everyone? Do you know she looked forward to hearing from you…every single day? Your daily messages were like a catalyst that sparked her soul.

Where are you now? Do you remember you told her she was amazing..perfect..a darling..an angel and without warning she is now NOTHING. What went wrong?

Well wherever you are she hopes you are okay. She prays that life is kind to you and she really, really wants you

to know that you were the best thing that happened to her in a long time.

And if you are wondering she was the girl who loved fully and yet always, always hurt deeply. You…my beautiful chaos..helped her to accept that no matter what happens she will NEVER be ENOUGH

Life is a playground

When last did you bring out the child in you? Can you remember when you laughed..I mean really laughed and every part of you ached in a good way?

Well I have been so busy being busy that I forgot what it felt like to feel carefree.

So when the opportunity presented itself at a children’s festive party in Johannesburg, South Africa I literally jumped. It was blistering hot on that day but I balanced work and play. From the jungle gym to the jumping castle and from the see-saw to face painting I did it all. I loved every minute!

And just for that moment I was lost in the ‘playground’ of life…a friend took photos of everything I did and now when I look through the gallery I see someone different and I really want to be like her.  She is the ‘me’ who got lost in the jungle of everyday life.

I am going to be a child again because it is the best form of therapy. I also believe children are beautiful and I know I can do beautiful perfectly well. So…join me in my playground. Everyone is invited.

Life…it is all good

I stood at the highest point earlier this year and knew I had two options. Stay where I am and be afraid or take the plunge.

Well I jumped. And that was the best decision ever.

I don’t think I will forget 2016..not for a very long time. Maybe never.

Where do I start?

My goals were cast in stone early this year…not the typical New Year resolutions but things I needed to do before the year ended.

I was introduced to adventure sports and now I am hooked. My writing took off in beautiful ways and I am loving the new people coming into my life ….literally (you get?).

Working on my second big thing and it is progressing beautifully. But things were not all rosy for me….I met the wrong people, incurred unnecessary expenses, wore my heart on my sleeves, got fleeced by a fucking con artist but it is all good. Every lesson made me stronger.

Finally I have grown up…no longer am I that little girl who was afraid of venturing out into the big world.

And I found the most awesome writers and book lovers in Kentucky and Ohio..all thanks to one Andrew Christie. I am loving where I am in life right now.

So …my heart has grown immensely. You.. Deborah Du Plooy; Ashleigh Giannoccaro; Tamsyn Bester and the rest of the gang I salute you. Thank you for believing in me and encouraging my dreams.

Oh yeah..I won four freaking fabulous ebooks yesterday on Books and Everything; and I signed up as a reviewer for the 10 day Mystery Thriller Week next February.

Ain’t nothing gonna break my stride; ain’t nothing gonna slow me down.

My goals, I own it

I opted for brave at the start of 2016. I scripted goals on the paper of my mind and my intention was to achieve all before the year wound down. Well..there are a two months left and I can tick off everything on my bucket list.

Some goals I undertook because I am crazy like that…especially when people tell me I can’t then I am forced to prove them wrong! Other goals I took on because they were merely collecting dust and the Leo in me cannot leave things hovering in the air.

The year started off with my first bungee in Soweto. Was I scared when I walked..no wait..I ran (check it out on Youtube)? Hell yeah, but fear is my fuel. So ready for my next jump at PlayAtHeight in Fourways. I did the SKAD too..not once but twice.

I planned to publish my debut novel to coincide with Women’s Month but it all came together like a premature baby.

All that aside my greatest accomplishment yet was completing my degree. There was a time when I thought I was going to throw the towel in. I mean how was I going to cope with the extra responsibilities, the assignments, the volumes or lack of discipline. But – I buckled down and graduated this month.

Life this year has been exactly how I visualised it. I am King, royalty is my crown!

 

 

 

Lights, camera, action

I am not model..and that is okay. It is not what I aspire to be.

But..I am in awe when I see women owning the catwalk. That look of power, ownership, confidence, living the brand. And then the height, features, lifestyle….I salute that.

That is the reason I love to slip into something beautiful, wear my shades and pretend that I am Vogue material…lol..my imagination runs away with me sometimes – but it is good fun!

My amateur photoman will only  snap, snap if I agree to buy the latest PS whatever-you-may-call-it game! But look at how natural it all looks..I am the model of my own catwalk and I am loving it

Meeting my DEADLINE

On patience and suffering, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to God and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is better for him”.

I have said this many times and I say it again: God’s plan is definite. It may take years, it may take months or even weeks but if the request of the believer is for his benefit then God will provide.

It was the 15th Ramadaan in 2003 when I prayed that I get my manuscript published. I asked my Creator to help me realize this dream. I asked many times thereafter and the day came when I forgot about it. Life carried on.

I lost the biggest part of my heart a few years ago and the dull pain filled me for a long time. But in HIM I continued to believe. You never question God’s plan for He is the best of planners.

Imagine the joy that churned through me when I received the copies of my first novel a week ago. I couldn’t believe it. I whispered a prayer of gratitude to my Creator before ripping the package.

I gave my first signed copy to a woman who believed in me. I poured my excitement on my social site accounts and the rest was history.

Today I realize it took me almost 13 years to get DEADLINE published. My prayers were not answered at first because my copy was raw. My Creator knew the time was not right.

Who knows how the book will be received? My intention to tell a story was done purely out of my love for writing. If DEADLINE can make a difference in one person’s life then my job is done.

Finding my zen

A few months ago I was down for a fabulous night out…the coyote ugly kind.

Nowadays all I want is a serene, happy place. A moment where I can close my eyes and rest my mind..sort of like finding calm in a world of chaos.

I have done my shit and I live with no regrets. Some may say I am old…but I choose to see it as mature, responsible. We have to grow up and I think that is where I am now.

It’s the weekend and I am in my PJs…in bed and ready to drift off..it is 19.41pm just in case you’re wondering. I am good with that.

I hope you find your zen sometime…just as I have found mine. Have a fabulous weekend wherever you are.

Conversations with my Creator

My Allah

Through You I learned that it was okay to be glad and then sad. You taught me to be grateful when life was good and to remember You when everything is tinged with grey. I trust You because you are my Allah.

The believers remind me that You love me; they say when You take my joy away it is only to bring me closer to You. I am totally, completely and fully dependent on You.

But please tell me where I am going wrong. No matter how much I beg You to bring the right people into my life why do I find myself allowing the wrong ones into my circle.

He came into my world and I fell deeply. He seemed sincere and uttered the right words. I believed him; I still do. I knew it could only work with Your help. I raised my hands daily asking You to guide and protect him. To increase our faith in You and to fill his heart with love for me? Did I ask for too much?

I never told him how I felt..I was too scared. Perhaps that’s a good thing..You tell me.

Please wipe the tears from my heart. I loved him with every last piece of me and now there is no more.

I will still raise my hands in dua and ask that You give him everything he seeks. I don’t know how to forget him, how to close this chapter. Someday please let him see how much he bruised me, that he ruined me emotionally and broke my trust. I didn’t deserve that..I am just a wallflower.

Give me strength my Allah. You are my true constant. I am tired now and I need you to cradle me in Your arms.

When you find your tribe then you have arrived

Six years ago I made a choice to leave the newspaper world behind me. It was the hardest decision yet but it had to be done. Since forever I dreamed of filling pages with my words and delivering key messages but the deadlines took its toll on me; the hours were too long and I was burning out.

It was at that time that I found myself with a property company, an entity of the City of Johannesburg. I believed I had arrived but I had to run faster than the wind..there was so much to learn. I struggled to understand the business – everything sounded jargon and if I struggled then what about the man on the street.

I made a decision then to learn, to learn fast and apply my mind.

Today I can safely say that I have found my tribe and I love them hard. I understand the value of owning property, investment potential, the legacy of a title deed. When it comes to development, facilitation, managing assets, building a brand one can be proud of, acquiring land or disposing of it I know a bit and then some more.

Women were once intimidated by the industry, today we have made great strides. I salute the women who goaded and urged me to believe that I can be as good as any other. I found my tribe in women like Helen Botes, Lynette Ntuli, Jane Padayachee, Bernine Strydom and others. Thank you for believing in me. With great respect I salute you.

Men, let’s agree that there is potential in property. Let us also agree that women are taking the industry by storm. Correct?