This
My name is Douglas,
Pronounced with an uglas.
I’m on da mic,
And I just don’t give a fuglas.
Imma eat maggots,
While ur basic ass eats hummus.
Gonna stuff my mouth with crickets,
While u be whack and u be bugless.
And just like DAT BOI,
Imma roll on a sick-ass uni,
Doing on-fleek tricks,
Makin’ u look dumb and whack and puny.
So don’t be jelly,
When I roll on through,
Nabbin’ more ass than a goddamn zoo.
Yeah, that’s right, doood,
Cuz I’m da original Hacksta.
Best up ur game, G,
And take some lessons from da masta.
Pronounced with an uglas.
I’m on da mic,
And I just don’t give a fuglas.
Imma eat maggots,
While ur basic ass eats hummus.
Gonna stuff my mouth with crickets,
While u be whack and u be bugless.
And just like DAT BOI,
Imma roll on a sick-ass uni,
Doing on-fleek tricks,
Makin’ u look dumb and whack and puny.
So don’t be jelly,
When I roll on through,
Nabbin’ more ass than a goddamn zoo.
Yeah, that’s right, doood,
Cuz I’m da original Hacksta.
Best up ur game, G,
And take some lessons from da masta.
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YO, I GOT SOMETHIN TO SAY!! And it goes a little bit like dis....a one, two...a one, two three, four:While you be puttin’ worms on hooks to catch some jake-ass fish,
I be eatin’ worms and maggots as the main damn dish (swish!)
And just like my dude, Edgar Allan fuckin’ Poe,
Imma wash that shit down wit a cask of Amontillado, yo.
Sick-ass flips on my dank unicycle,
Then I see some wannabe chump on a geek-ass BICYCLE,
Hey, hey, yo, I know that perpetratin' pranksta!
He dat basic, hummus-eatin’ cloppa, aka Da Gram Cracka.
Yo, my rhymes are sick,
Just like my uni trix,
And just like Captain Ahab,
I got a Moby Dick.
Yo, I be havin’ sex while you be watchin’ computer-virus porn,
And just like mutherfuckin’ Yeats,
Imma slouch toward Bethlehem to be born.
Give Rosebud a drink. Let the sled out to play for a while.
Yeah u talk a big game,Disparage my name.
Too many clown tears
done worn a hole in yo brain.
U be all polydactyl,
I be all 'bout ta cackle.
Tiny pinkies up yo anus,
And a toe in yo crack-le.
I went to mimin' schoo',
So when I mime u,
I just stand there lookin' silly,
like a little silly foo'.
I know it sound mean,
but I'm a machine.
Pumpin' hella trousa gravy
on yo momma's spleen.
So take my adVICE,
I neva play NICE.
Long-haul haulin' wit' my homies
Cross tha fuckin' Arctic ICE.
Ohhhhhh, shit. Shit's on like Tron now!
Tanukis might have big nuts, And Robby Redford might be a freak,
But I’m an OG hustla,
While Arty Gram be a GEEK.
He can take his whack tanukis,
Take them back to his house,
Cuz just like Abe Lincoln,
I’d rather jerk off in an outhouse.
When Da Gram Cracka busts,
His nut on a lip (usually a tanuki’s),
It’s little more than drop,
A sorry-ass whack-drip.
Compare that to the trouser-gravy GEYSER,
When I bust MY nut,
Then I light myself on fire,
Cuz I'm hardcore like a creek slut.
Yeah, I’m on the mic,
Yeah, I’m on the congas,
And just like Nietzsche,
That which does not kill me make me stronga.
U callin' me a cloppa?I'll do tha helicopta.
Spin my jammy all like whammy
In yo grill like a docta.
Or a dentist, did I sense this?
Yo teeth be fallin' out!
U been runnin' yo mouth,
yo dental hygiene headin' south.
Wit' yo busted-ass teeth
and dat gay unicycle.
I've got half a mind to
climb the top of the Eiffel.
And launch a perfect swan dive
Into a fuckin' bee hive.
If I make it out alive,
I'll cook an omelette wit' some chives.
So I might be a geek,
but you KNOW I'm a freak.
Taggin' nasty 'nuki 'tang
Every day of tha week.
Awwwwww shit, Now Fat Wat is talkin’ stuff and shizz too,
Yeah, it looks like I gotta show some fooz the truth...
YO, UNO, DOS, TRES, QUATRO…
Yeah, I know Fat Wat,
Saw his ass the other day at the dolla store,
Buyin’ a “TRUMP 2016!” shirt,
And some cream for his cold sores.
Dude pulled out an old, bent-ass Blockbuster card, ya hear?
And the min-wage cleric said, “Yo, you can’t use that here!”
Fat Wat said, “Damn, this is all I gots!
Shit, I wish I was Douglas. Yeah, Douglas Hackle, he hot!”
I just stood outside the store, shakin’ my head in shame,
Cuz just like Howard Motherfuckin’ Jones,
No one ever is to blame, yo.
YEAH...YEAH.......uh-huh uh-huh.
Creek sluts are pretty hardcore. And he rhymed conga with stronga.
Creek sluts got nuthin on chimney sluts.
Yo, it mo like WACKsta.
And when u on da mic,
It like a lame DISASTA.
Imma eat my hummus,
Of dis I can prummus.
And if u don' like it,
U can kiss my bummus.
I saw u on dat uni,
all goony and loony.
And da only tricks u turnin',
be all blewey and gooey.
So check my steez,
I be like, bitch please.
No one eats da maggots
Like da Graham-Cracka G.
Cuz I'm da fuckin' MAN,
I clean like Spic and Span®.
Sweepin' up wack cloppas
In my brony dusty pan.