Lainey’s List Chapter Fifty

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Lainey

“You look weird,” Reese comments as he slides into the seat across from me. “Like happy and worried at the same time. Is this post-coital regret?” He taps a finger against his lips.

I open my mouth to assert an automatic protest but instead, I find myself admitting, “I’m not sure if regret is the right word but worry is.”

“Tell Papa Reese about it.”

I roll the coffee cup in my hand and give him an abbreviated rundown of last night’s events. “I slept with Nick, kind of told him I loved him, and then he stormed off to see Chip.”

Reese stands up.

“Where are you going?” I ask in a panic. I just backed my emotional dump truck to the table and spilled everything in my head, and he’s leaving?

“Lainey, I need a drink to have this conversation. And since it’s nine in the morning and even alcoholics have the decency to wait until noon, I’m going to get a shot of espresso.”

Thankfully, I don’t have to wait long for Reese to get enough caffeine in his body. He apologizes the minute he sits down, carrying another flat black to the table along with a bagel. “I was out all last night and had passed out, literally, about two hours before you called.” He stretches his arms out, shakes them like a prizefighter about to enter a bout, and then turns his stunning smile on me. “So you decided your bucket list was too long to check off things one at a time? Is that what happened?”

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” I glare at him. “Maybe you should go back to bed until you’re human again.”

“No chance. I’ve got about a liter of caffeine in me. I may never sleep again.” He grabs my hand. “Seriously, though, I’m happy for you. But since you’re not smiling, I’m wondering if I’m going to need to kick Nick’s ass.”

“It’s mine you’re going to have to kick. That’s why I called you first thing this morning.” After I dropped Cassidy off at her morning play date, I called Reese and asked him to meet me at the Starbucks on Tenth, just down the street from the Mustangs’ facility. I didn’t care that he sounded groggy and out of it. I needed to talk to someone immediately. “I need advice and going to Charlotte is out of the question.”

“That’s true,” Reese concedes, buttering his bagel. “She’s in the midst of her own drama, what with her childhood sweetheart tearing his head out of his ass after nine years. Let’s get your situation unstuck so that we can all work together on finding my one true love.”

My eyes grow wide. “Are you seeing someone, Reese?” This is news to me.

“No, but if you two are pairing off, then I don’t want to be the odd man out.” He furrows his brows lightly. “The Jackson boys don’t have a third brother they are hiding, do they? Maybe a cousin?”

“I don’t think so. Their dad is an only child.”

“Dammit.”

“There’s Charlie’s friend, Colin,” I remind Reese.

“He’s unrelentingly heterosexual. It’s not just an act for the cameras.” Reese fake pouts.

“Bummer,” I sympathize. As a movie star, Colin wouldn’t be the first to hide in the closet to better his box office receipts but I’ll take Reese’s word for Colin’s sexual preference. His radar is rarely wrong. I sometimes think that instinct was honed from birth, a sort of Darwinist self-preservation tendency.

“Back to you. Why not just tell Nick everything like you told me and Charlotte?” Reese suggests.

“Because you and Charlie can keep your mouths shut and your hands idle. I know you wanted to take this issue up with Chip but it would’ve been disastrous. He has recordings,” I remind Reese. “But I don’t feel like I can explain this to Nick. He’d want to pat me on the head and declare that he’ll take care of it all.”

“That’s true but if you really plan to have a future with Nick, you have to figure out how to talk to him. The whole reason you two have a fucked up relationship is because you never talk to each other.” Reese shoves half of his bagel into his mouth.

“I know, and it’s primarily my fault.” I stare glumly at my to-go cup. “But it’s not like I haven’t thought this through. Nick goes after Chip. Chip comes after me. There’s a huge, ugly, public fight over Cassidy, over my breaking the NDA. Then Nick is forever tied to me as this whore. Can you imagine if the pictures were publicized?” I shudder. “They’d be on every website. When you searched his name or mine or even Cassidy’s, it’d be one of the first results that popped up. Cassidy’s not yet at the age where this matters but she will be in a few years. How great will it be when she goes to school and some little punk tells her that he’s seen her mom screwing a bunch of dudes?”

Reese’s face pales as he travels down the dark path that has tormented me for years. I swipe at the corners of my eyes. No need to start bawling in the middle of a coffee shop.

“I stayed away for months, and now that I’m back, I don’t want to leave again. I don’t want to be away from Nick or you or Charlie. I want Cassidy to grow up with all of you around. I don’t care if I just get Nick for a short time, that my time with him is fleeting, or that I’m a dark hidden secret. I’d rather be a secret than have it all exposed like it would be.”

I raise my anguished eyes to Reese who scoots his chair around the table so he’s right next to me.

“But maybe that’s not enough for him,” Reese says gently, putting an arm around my shoulders.

“I know,” I shudder. “That’s what worries me. Tell me how to get through to Nick. I don’t want to hurt him, and I can’t stay away. So what do I tell him?”

“Tell him everything you just told me. Lay it out for him.”

“What would you do if a man came to you and said these things?”

Reese shakes his head. “I don’t know. I truly don’t but I believe every person has a price and every person has a breaking point. Chip knows yours. You need to find his. Now, go call Nick and tell him you need to talk to him after practice and before he talks to Chip.”

I close my eyes and nod. I’ve wanted to avoid this. It’s one thing to talk in vague terms about your sordid past, and entirely another to lay out each dirty, ugly detail. In order to convince Nick to leave Chip alone, I’ll need to be open and honest, and it scares me. But the alternative is worse. The alternative is to lose everything—Nick, Cassidy, and my friends.

Reese walks me back to my car and gives me a hug. “For courage,” he whispers before trotting across the street to his vehicle.

With shaky hands, I text Nick.

We need to talk. Please call me before you confront Chip. It’s super important. I should have said something last night.

I tuck my phone away, hoping and praying I’m not too late.

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