Sincerity . . . and all its lack of grace
“I’m being sincere,” – “It’s a sincere feeling,” – “It’s a sincere offer,” –
We’ve all heard the words, sometimes we appreciate the person who’s saying them really is trying to be sincere – however, sincere is one of those things that’s a bit like trust. Not something you say, something you do. It’s a demonstration, not a word.
Being sincere is easy on the surface: say the right words, put the right expression on the mask/face, make the right moves. But to go further, to demonstrate sincere, it must come from the heart – it must be felt with a jolt or a jab or a rock.
Empathy goes along with sincerity and has to come from within, not be sashayed about with words.
When a child cries from an injury, what do we do? It’s not serious, so we pick them up (size matters here), we rub and pat and put our heart into our voice and hands and we rock them and soothe until the pain eases. We feel the link between us that helps the sufferer move past the first shock of the pain. We are sincere in our empathy.
When we ask for help (and remember, this is not an easy thing for most people), we learn to recognise (very quickly) the people who say the words that are expected of them but come with no intention, and the people who don’t say much but do something. The more desperate we become in our needs, the more easily we recognise the latter.
But the good con will find a way to use the former. The lack of genuine empathy, the lack of sincerity, is an opening. A good con knows these are the people who will try to get rid of the needy as quickly as possible, so they can get back to their real lives. The con knows this, has an instinct for the people who need to say the right thing, to see themselves as a genuine and caring person (sincere on the outside, in their words) and they keep at them. The con pesters until they get something, and once they break that surface, they go back and back and back – until the weary and worn-down and [probably broke] insincere person lashes out, grabs back – and puts all the needy people in the basket the con created for them.
Who is wrong? The person who asked for help in the first place? Or the person who dismissed the needy with a few words to get rid of them?
Is there a wrong here? Should the needy have somewhere to go so they don’t bother the ordinary person? And therefore, any person who asks for help is a con?
Think carefully before you answer these questions. Think about how you react when someone asks you a question – do you answer the question they actually ask, or do you wonder why they asked it, where the question comes from, and then arrange your answer to suit your attempt at mind-reader?
Listen and watch – particularly your own responses. Are you the sincere person with an empathy response, or are you the ‘I say the right things’ person?
