I Don’t Know What That Is: A Baseball Interlude.

FADE IN:

INT. TEENAGER’S BEDROOM, MORNING.

TEENAGER, a spindly, awkward young blond boy, sleeps open-mouthedly in a puddle of his own drool. He is cocooned in several blankets like a sweet baby angel, if sweet baby angels lived inside burritos. He is awakened by his mother, JENNY TROUT, who takes particular delight in this morning ritual.

Jenny kicks the door open.

JENNY

Wake up, Assbutt! The Cubs won the World Series!

TEENAGER

[groggily]

What?

JENNY

The Cubs won the World Series. For the first time in a hundred and eight years.

TEENAGER

What is that?

JENNY

The Cubs? The Chicago Cubs?

TEENAGER

What the fuck is a Chicago cup?

JENNY

Not the cup, the World Series.

TEENAGER

No, you said Chicago cup.

JENNY

The Chicago Cubs.

TEENAGER

What time is it?

JENNY

It’s a big deal. It’s been a hundred and eight years, dude. Everybody is psyched.

TEENAGER

I don’t even know what a Chicago cup is!

JENNY

It’s baseball! The Chicago Cubs are a baseball team.

TEENAGER

[angrily]

Good for them!

JENNY

Wait, do you seriously not know what the World Series is?

TEENAGER

No. I seriously do not care.

JENNY

Oh. Well, it’s time to get up. And something stinks in here.

FADE OUT.

THE END

Congratulations to all my Cubs fan friends out there! Hollywood couldn’t have written a better, more dramatic ball game than the curse-breaker you got last night.