Nice “Guyls” Finish Last–Hos Finish First

Let’s face it . . . hos are winning . . . and by a wide margin.

Donald Trump–married three times–the second wife being the woman he cheated on the first wife with–is poised–in two weeks, no less–to be the 45th president of the United States.

The United States of what?

“These” United States.

Of what?

Of America.

Which America?

North America.

Oh . . .

shit . . .

Bill Clinton’s cheating is legendary–like Ichabod Crane and Sleepy Hollow. And here, like Trump, o’l Billy Boy stands to enter the White House for a third term under the guise of “First Husband.” I feel sorry for the cleaning crew; now that he isn’t in the role of head honcho, he’s going to paint the walls, carpet, curtains, afghans (don’t start that sh**; it’s a lowercased “a”), etc. with his essence.

If Hill wins and you’re invited to a White House function, avoid every food that’s creme-filled like you’re a diabetic and your motherf****** life depended on your abstaining from such saccharine-induced treats.

And no need to save your soiled dresses, Lewinskyeezers; just stream that sh** on Facebook Live–no Linda Tripp required.

Since it’s Wednesday, I may as well incorporate my newest guilty pleasure–Queen Sugar (damn, you, Oprah . . . you and Ava got me–I am all in)–into the mix.

Ralph Angel’s ex’s and mother of his adorable son, Blue, drug addiction and piss-poor parenting didn’t stop him from going to the trailer park to hit that–even though it’s been everywhere and done everything. He disregarded the flirtation he had for weeks with Blue’s kindergarten teacher, who has babysat Blue and done a million other favors for Ralph Angel; the only time she turned him down for a favor was when she had to teach ESL classes to the disadvantaged on the weekend–can you say “Mother Theresa”?

Still, Ralph Angel ignored the good girl and went straight for the toxic ho who he knows is toxic and will never mean him or his son any good.

On to middle sister Charley–the “sports manager” who discovered that her husband, Davis, a professional basketball player, is embroiled in a sex scandal because he allowed his teammates to rape his long-term mistress/escort/ho. Mind you, Charley and Davis have that sappy high school sweethearts sh** going on and Davis depends on Charley for everything–like she’s his damn mama– but he still prefers hos over his wife.

Then comes the oldest, Nova, the journalist, the activist, the marijuana dealer, and a side chick. And Nova is the heart of Queen Sugar because she ties everything together, especially the divide between Charley and Ralph Angel.

The leeches–the ones who gained fame through their noteworthy relatives–I’m talking Kim K. . . . I’m talking Ray J.

Yes, Kim, I agree with Ray J., you should pay him a monthly fee for his Eliza DooLittling of you.

Is Paris Hilton still getting paid $1,000,000 a gig for deejaying?

So, my good people, stop being nice, stop having shame, stop being chaste, because hos finish first.