Finding Edward Scissor Arms

I didn’t even know I was looking for Edward Scissor Arms until I came upon him on my walk earlier this morning and I’ll say this y’all, the dude is alive and well and scary as hell.

So, this morning as I let my two dogs out, I realized that it was quite chilly and I needed to change from my tank top to a t-shirt that covered my shoulders and back more because I would freeze for sure. An aside, since I’ve lost some of this weight, those hot flashes I was having seem to have fallen away indicating I was too damn insulated. I’ve also discovered that I don’t have a butt anymore so if you find a couple of cheeks lying around, could you pass them back to me so I can stick them back on? I wish I could direct the weight loss accordingly, ya know?!

Anyway, after eating my breakfast, I journeyed out my front door into the gorgeous day to get some fresh air, exercise, and a little sun. After rounding the second cul-de-sac in my neighborhood, I was well on my way to the greenway to really start a good pace. I side stepped a couple of ‘finishers’ of the greenway, looked both ways before entering so I wouldn’t get taken out by one the Nazi bikers that frequent the greenway, and was off.

I had a great pace going and as I rounded a corner, oh shit, what the heck is that?! It’s Edward Scissor Arms himself walking away from me, thank God!

Now let me paint this picture for you.

Edward was about 6’4″ I’d guess and had a dark blue long sleeve button down shirt on, long black athletic britches, hiking boots, and a tan large brimmed hat pulled way down so you couldn’t really see his face. You may ask, “Well, how did you see his face if he was walking away from you?” Well, have you ever seen that Sasquatch footage where Sasquatch is walking and kind of looks back, that’s kind of the same scenario here, he looked back at me and startled the hell out of me.

Let me continue painting, he swung his arms in such a violent over exaggerated way it reminded me of scissors going to town like Edward Scissor Hands would do in that movie.

As I watched Edward Scissor Arms chop the hell out of the air I thought, “Now that’s what dude needed last night on The Walking (Gruesome) Dead instead of that primitive grotesque barbed wire wrapped bat he used to smash skulls to smithereens. Edward Scissor Arms could have beheaded them in one swoop thus ending it quickly instead of the way if was done last night.”

I have to admit that our family show was a no go for me last night. After they swung back around to what had happened earlier at the camp I had to tap out. I could not watch anymore and retreated to my room with horrific scenes in my head of poor Glenn. I might just tap all the way out. I can’t watch such horrible stuff like that even if it is fake. I don’t need those scenes in my head.

So anyway, I was not the only one alarmed by Edward Scissor Arms as I observed a lady walking towards him and she did a double take and fled for the bridge that joins the greenway to a nearby ball park. She literally fled from him in terror because I’ll bet she thought she would end up a paper doll cut out. I laughed out loud when after he passed and was up a ways, she got back on the greenway following in his wake.

I then observed these Asian ladies, the same ones that fight sometimes which is hilarious watching them point their little chop stick fingers at each other spewing God knows what at each other . . .

Anyway, they side stepped him too onto the grass and after he passed by, they both whipped out their cameras and took a video of him all the while giggling like they had just sucked in helium, it was hilarious! You can’t make this stuff up, y’all!

I have never seen a human being walk with such violence in his arms! It was freaking weird!

I guess the positive in this is that he is out there walking, getting his exercise it just looks like murder is all but keep on trucking Edward Scissor Arms!

Love y’all!!♥