Depression
October is supposedly awareness month for the illness, depression, so I thought I'd post a little something.
I am well aware of how depression can be debilitating and struggle to shake it off every single day and have done for many years.
Unless you suffer from it, it is impossible to know how it feels. There is a stigma involved and many criticise with words and phrases such as - get a grip, stop wallowing, get over it, malingerer, snap out of it...
If only it were that easy.
I posting this because next month is the worst for me, as November hammers in all the negative parts of my life and reminds me of what I have lost.
I'll not go into details, I am not looking for sympathy, only that sometimes it is wise to be aware of how depression can kill not only the spirit but our physical being.
Most of the time I try to concentrate on what is positive, but this is not easy, as my mind constantly tells me there is nothing positive.
But, of course there is - my hubby, my family, friends that I know through writing, and my writing.
Reading helps, as does creating things (writing, designing, publishing, artwork, jewellery making and more). The garden, too, might knacker me and make all my joints ache, but the exercise is brilliant. It helps me think about my stories, too - what shall I do with...how will that work...?
However, I've felt the walls closing in and that vat of treacle drowning me because of those in power and their unreasonable and cruel decisions.
1 - The British government is presently cutting all monies to those in need, so that the vulnerable - disabled, poor - are even worse off. I care for my disabled husband and hate how he has to suffer, yet the powers that be insist he doesn't need as much help as we say. Ha - he has several chronic illnesses and needs constant care and is getting worse.
2 - Amazon has decided to push independent authors even further down the well due to their new policies - no reviews without sales, no reviews with sales if it's suspected you know the buyer /author, authors cannot review other authors, existing reviews are vanishing...
I can only hope that Goodreads doesn't follow suit, as they are now run my Amazon.
So, my hope of making it as a successful author is absolutely impossible now. I have no money for promotion, I cannot give away review copies,
and, I cannot even review for others - this I like to do because I understand the struggle.
I will never be able to help those I love.
***
What is the problem?
Governments appear to want all the poor and disabled to die. They need the money for the rich and the bankers who have wasted so much and made too many mistakes and someone has to pay.
This is evident in everything I've read and witnessed.
I understand that some people do 'play the system' and that it's good to stop that, but really, the private firms who have been hired to re-evaluate disabilities have no idea what those disabilities are and the needs of the people that suffer. In one statement, an 'evaluator' said they disagreed with all the medical evidence, therefore... These people are not qualified!
***
It appears that Amazon doesn't want to make profits from independent authors and prefers to be in league with traditional publishing houses (who incidentally pay for reviews).
I have researched this and seen the decline, and watched how traditional publishing houses constantly suppress those in competition, criticising in every way they can, while Amazon back them up.
***
Maybe Amazon will now ban me from even publishing my stories on Kindle now for speaking out?
***
I don't know the answers, but I understand how more and more people are diagnosed with depression. This world is harsh and becoming more so.
Yes, I'm depressed, but it's not like a 'fed up, pull myself together' thing, I feel like nothing is good anymore. Those above want us to die, those below want to steal what little we have, those in power want it all.
I've lost hope. But maybe that's a good thing, as sometimes hope hurts more than just accepting our poor place in the world.
Yes, maybe this sounds like a pity party, um, well, it wasn't my intention. Sometimes it's good to moan. So okay, I'm angry at the injustice, sad I've lost so much, guilty that I have to watch others suffer, desperate to help but completely helpless - this adds up to depression.
Maybe I'm crazy - they do say that repeating the same thing and expecting a different result is insanity.
Or maybe I should just snap out of it?
I am well aware of how depression can be debilitating and struggle to shake it off every single day and have done for many years.
Unless you suffer from it, it is impossible to know how it feels. There is a stigma involved and many criticise with words and phrases such as - get a grip, stop wallowing, get over it, malingerer, snap out of it...
If only it were that easy.
I posting this because next month is the worst for me, as November hammers in all the negative parts of my life and reminds me of what I have lost.
I'll not go into details, I am not looking for sympathy, only that sometimes it is wise to be aware of how depression can kill not only the spirit but our physical being.
Most of the time I try to concentrate on what is positive, but this is not easy, as my mind constantly tells me there is nothing positive.
But, of course there is - my hubby, my family, friends that I know through writing, and my writing.
Reading helps, as does creating things (writing, designing, publishing, artwork, jewellery making and more). The garden, too, might knacker me and make all my joints ache, but the exercise is brilliant. It helps me think about my stories, too - what shall I do with...how will that work...?
However, I've felt the walls closing in and that vat of treacle drowning me because of those in power and their unreasonable and cruel decisions.
1 - The British government is presently cutting all monies to those in need, so that the vulnerable - disabled, poor - are even worse off. I care for my disabled husband and hate how he has to suffer, yet the powers that be insist he doesn't need as much help as we say. Ha - he has several chronic illnesses and needs constant care and is getting worse.
2 - Amazon has decided to push independent authors even further down the well due to their new policies - no reviews without sales, no reviews with sales if it's suspected you know the buyer /author, authors cannot review other authors, existing reviews are vanishing...
I can only hope that Goodreads doesn't follow suit, as they are now run my Amazon.
So, my hope of making it as a successful author is absolutely impossible now. I have no money for promotion, I cannot give away review copies,
and, I cannot even review for others - this I like to do because I understand the struggle.
I will never be able to help those I love.
***
What is the problem?
Governments appear to want all the poor and disabled to die. They need the money for the rich and the bankers who have wasted so much and made too many mistakes and someone has to pay.
This is evident in everything I've read and witnessed.
I understand that some people do 'play the system' and that it's good to stop that, but really, the private firms who have been hired to re-evaluate disabilities have no idea what those disabilities are and the needs of the people that suffer. In one statement, an 'evaluator' said they disagreed with all the medical evidence, therefore... These people are not qualified!
***
It appears that Amazon doesn't want to make profits from independent authors and prefers to be in league with traditional publishing houses (who incidentally pay for reviews).
I have researched this and seen the decline, and watched how traditional publishing houses constantly suppress those in competition, criticising in every way they can, while Amazon back them up.
***
Maybe Amazon will now ban me from even publishing my stories on Kindle now for speaking out?
***
I don't know the answers, but I understand how more and more people are diagnosed with depression. This world is harsh and becoming more so.
Yes, I'm depressed, but it's not like a 'fed up, pull myself together' thing, I feel like nothing is good anymore. Those above want us to die, those below want to steal what little we have, those in power want it all.
I've lost hope. But maybe that's a good thing, as sometimes hope hurts more than just accepting our poor place in the world.
Yes, maybe this sounds like a pity party, um, well, it wasn't my intention. Sometimes it's good to moan. So okay, I'm angry at the injustice, sad I've lost so much, guilty that I have to watch others suffer, desperate to help but completely helpless - this adds up to depression.
Maybe I'm crazy - they do say that repeating the same thing and expecting a different result is insanity.
Or maybe I should just snap out of it?
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I agree with Joanie, especially in what she says about your writing. I love your writing, Julie and admire your determination to continue despite the obstacles in your path.I do understand depression, having lived with it for many years, Some days are good, others are awful and despair often lurks beneath the surface, but like you, I have a family who are supportive and value my friends - and I do consider you a friend, even though I've never met you.
Thinking of you
Angela
Take care of yourself. That is the number one priority. Whatever pains you, ignore it. Whatever brings you joy, embrace it. And remember that you, Julie, are an unique individual. Embrace that!
Best wishes for rainbows instead of clouds,
Joanie