Tune Out?

ADHD & Marriage Weekly Tip - October 6, 2016



Quote of the Week

“My very savvy mother-in-law (gave me) advice on my wedding day.  “In every good marriage,” she counseled, “it helps sometimes to be a little deaf.”  I have followed that advice assiduously (in my marriage and on the Supreme Court)…When a thoughtless or unkind word is spoken, best tune out.  Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one’s ability to persuade.”

-Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg, NYT 10/1/16

Tune Out?

With all due respect to Justice Ginsberg, “tuning out” is great advice when your relationship is stable…but awful advice when ADHD symptoms are present, but not being managed.  Doing so means that the ADHD partner will remain unaware of the pain that these symptoms are causing.

But Justice Ginsberg’s overarching idea – that responding in kind to thoughtless or unkind words does not advance your cause – is spot on.  This is the struggle that many couples impacted by ADHD get into – symptoms wreak havoc without the ADHD partner being aware of it and common responses by the non-ADHD partner (such as frustration, anger, feeling lonely and insecure, nagging and more) compound the problem.

It’s hard to get out of this cycle, but there are ways to do it, and the first is to understand symptom/response/response.  I talk about this in my couples phone seminar (next session starts October 13) and in my books.  It’s too long to put more here, but if you find you are ‘hurting your own cause’ and your partner is becoming more and more defensive or remote, I urge you to look into these resources.

 

Starting Next week, October 13: If you are struggling with your partner, consider taking my live, given by phone, ADHD Effect In-Depth couples seminar.  I don’t suggest this to have you spend more money…but rather because it is a unique and excellent resource for changing your relationship for the better…and creating the joy you thought you had lost. Please take a moment to read the testimonials there - it really does change lives for the better!

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular couples course:
ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Next live session starts October 13, 2016 - this eight-session phone seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship.

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!

 - Please follow us for tips and resources.

© 2016 Melissa Orlov