New Super Heroes

A comic book writer friend of mine recently asked me to come up with a new group of super heroes based on people I've known. It has been harder than I anticipated, but I think I've finally got a winner with:

THE LEAGUE OF ENGLISH GRADUATE STUDENT AVENGERS

Captain Grammatica: Thought to be dead some seventy years ago, but unfrozen and revived by a coterie of Midwestern librarians sometime in the early Eighties; continues to bore and vex to this day. Head and shield made of solid adamantium.

Irony Man: Primary super power is that he is extremely annoying. Master of the dark arts of contextualization. Can make enemies feel depressed and ambivalent.

‘Phor, Norse god of similes: Not much good in a fight, but very descriptive.

The Incredible Sulk: Moody but powerful dramatist. Wields razor-sharp dialogue. Turns EVERYTHING into a battle.

The Scarlet, Which: Has mystical powers, but hard to summon quickly, given syntactical conventions applicable to nonrestrictive clauses.

Antonym Man: Can promptly supply the opposite of any term uttered by super villains. Often teams with Quicksynonym, who can't.

Version: Constantly revising set of super powers; suffers from occasional continuity lapses.

WASP: Uses canon as weapon to set up impenetrable “sphere of influence,” usually in faculty lounge areas. Not good in groups. And getting old.