Maybe It's Time You Move On "For the women caught in the love triangle"

He’s not a bad guy.

In fact, it was his endearing kindness that
drew you to him in the first place. In the
expansive sea of men who seem to have no
desire to learn anything about you that
doesn’t directly increase their likelihood of
getting laid, he took a genuine interest in the
things you care about. He asked you prying
questions, gave you sultry sideways glances,
and before you knew it, you were hooked.
You found yourself contemplating the
possibility that there is someone out there
capable of understanding you completely. All
the cheesiest love songs had at least a grain
of truth to them, and you felt yourself
falling… until he told you. And suddenly, the
perfect image was shattered and it seemed
unlikely that it would ever be repaired.

He’s not a bad guy, but maybe he is.

This is when he tells you he has a girlfriend.
You start to look back on your interactions
and realize that in all of this time when you
felt like you were developing a strong and
intimate connection he never said he had a
girlfriend, but he also never made a move on
you. He is unhappy with his girlfriend, he
tells you, and he likes you.

You are interesting, and uncommonly well-
suited for him. You both know there is
something there, and if only that pesky
girlfriend wasn’t standing in the way, you
might be able to explore exactly what that
thing is.
He doesn’t make promises to break up with
her, he only says that the thought has crossed
his mind. He’s a good guy, and he doesn’t
want to hurt her. He doesn’t want to hurt you
either. So while he’s figuring it out, what’s
wrong with trying to be friends? You really
do get along so well.

Your friendship is, without a doubt, unusual
in that it really isn’t much of a friendship at
all. You are in near constant communication
(except when he is with her, of course).
Sometimes your conversations feel deeply
personal, and at other times he is there as
someone to check in with, to kill time. While
you are trying to convince yourself that you
are capable of remaining distant enough to
keep the friendship platonic, the undeniable
truth is staring you in the face; you are
growing attached, and he is still with his
girlfriend.

Your friendship is, without a
doubt, unusual in that it really
isn’t much of a friendship at
all.

This could go on for days, weeks, even
months. You start to wonder, who is using
who more? It’s obvious that your “friendship”
satisfies a need for him that his relationship
is lacking, but at the same time you, too, are
using him to escape the reality that you are
alone, and he provides you with some relief.
But what you have with him is never quite
enough, and you find yourself in a perpetual
chase that has no end in sight. In fact, you
wonder if it is the chaos, secretiveness, and
challenge of your relationship that keeps you
so entrenched. You admit to yourself that if it
were easy, you almost certainly would have
lost interest already.

All the while, you are telling yourself: “He is
nice. He is good. He never lied about his
intentions with me, and what we have is
truly special”. Sure, his girlfriend doesn’t
know you exist, and he may leave a few key
details out of his day when he talks to her,
but you would tell yourself just about
anything to give him an out. Because you
care about him, so much so that despite your
better senses you will keep him in your life,
even if it is not in the capacity that you
desire. You are single, but when another
potential suitor comes along you find yourself
feeling guilty for entertaining the possibility
(would it bother him if you dated someone
else?).

While you are trying to
convince yourself that you are
capable of remaining distant
enough to keep the friendship
platonic, the undeniable truth
is staring you in the face; you
are growing attached, and he
is still with his girlfriend.

You are so into this guy that all other men out
there don’t seem worth your time. They don’t
excite you in the same way, which is
understandable since you probably wouldn’t
have to fight so hard for their affection. Your
days are brighter when you two talk, but you
also feel yourself withering away as the
reality sets in that while he is unhappy in his
relationship, he is not going to do anything
about it. At least not anytime soon. And, if
anything, you are hindering him from
making a decision, because your
unconditional friendship says that he can get
away with not having to decide.

This is when you realize that you’re the one who
is going to have to make the decision. Although
he might be incapable of making up his mind,
you are not.
So you end the friendship. And maybe you lie
and tell him you met someone else, or maybe
you’re honest, and you tell him that you need
more that whatever this is. Or maybe you
don’t say anything all, and you fade out until
you are no longer in contact. But the
important part is that it’s over. It sucks and
it’s hard, and you miss him every day at first,
but as time goes on, it gets easier.
He might break up with his girlfriend, and
you might get together later on. By the time
their hypothetical breakup takes place, you
could be with someone better, or you could be
alone and still not want to enter into a
relationship with him, since you know how
he’s acted in relationships in the past.
What you will invariably find once it’s all
over is that it doesn’t really matter either
way.
Was what you had unique and meaningful?
Sure. Is he the only person you could ever
potentially have it with? No.

He’s not a bad guy, and he’s not a good guy,
either. He’s just a guy. And you’re moving
on.

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