What The??!!
Yes, that picture above is my new glowing toilet brought to you by my crazy ass husband!
These impromptu scenes are not uncommon in my home. My husband is an Amazon junkie, probably more than I am, and loves the Lightening Deals, Prime Day, which is where my glowing toilet came from, and any other deal that is a color like Black Friday or Purple People Eater Day. If it means deals no matter if we need it or not, by golly, he’s on it!
The dude loves getting a deal but it has become a little crazy here lately!
When I first met him and we started dating, it was at the beginning of April nearly 4 years ago. We were mad for each other and spent every moment that we could together. As much time as I spent with him, you’d think I’d know this little ‘loving deals’ nugget of information about him but it wasn’t until Christmastime, that it reared its ugly little head.
Now, I am not a Black Friday kind of girl. I’m not one to camp out in front of a store waiting for the doors to open so I can knock innocent bystanders down to ‘get the deal.’ I have never gotten in an item fight with another human being nor do I plan to, EVER!
Love is blind so when my beloved said, “Hey, let’s go over to Wal-mart’s midnight deal night,” I idiotically replied, “Oh yes, let’s!” I’m a dumb ass, y’all!
I will give Wal-mart credit,though, there was actually a system so blood wasn’t shed or bones broken but it still scared the hell outta me as I looked into the eyes of the ‘walking deal dead!’ At one point my sweetie, who was waiting in a long line for a trampoline, asked, “Hey, would you go over to the DVD’s and see if you can get some of those movies the kids asked for?” Nodding and then shuffling away, I couldn’t believe that I was actually at this relatively organized madness.
As I neared the DVD area, there were three cops standing there monitoring the chaos. Not being able to help myself, I approached one of them and said, “I’ll bet this is exactly what you had in mind when you went through the academy, huh? Monitoring the shopping chaos of Black Friday.” He laughed, shook his head, and replied, “Well, not exactly.” Bless him.
There is a scene in a Spongebob show that depicts a sea of sardines, I think that’s what they were, and there are thousands of them in the Crusty Crab wanting food. It literally looks like the ocean with waves of sardines crashing and going to and fro. That’s what it looked like in the DVD area and I was not about to dive in to get a damn DVD that his kids probably wouldn’t even damn watch so I turned back around and headed for the never moving trampoline line with him.
As I approached, he looked at me like, “Where are the DVD’s?” After retelling my tale of the sea of people and the poor cops having to monitor, he laughed at me and said, “You’re just not cut out for this are you?” No, no I’m not!
My husband has bought a rocket on some Lightening Deal and it still sits in the box alongside our cabinet unopened after two years. He bought a Life Straw because you never know when someone will whisk you away from your home and dump you on an island in the middle of nowhere, my husband believes this is possible, he also is a Dual Survivor junkie, hmmmm. He has also purchased a fire starter, knife sharpener, cups with thumb indentions, some smelly lotion and perfume, which are just too strong for me, multiple candles, some weird grapefruit peppery bath juice, a gigantic first aid suitcase, yes a damn suitcase of first aid supplies, multiple knives, because you just can’t have enough of those, nevermind you only have two hands, I’m just saying.
I could go on and on about the Lightening Deal, Prime Day, and Deal of the Day crap that he has purchased that we just don’t really need, but my guy loves it, loves the hunt, loves the savings, and therefore, I accept it. The good thing about it though is I like seeing him happy, even if we don’t need half the shit he gets. It’s also never horrifically pricey. He’s not one of the Bi-Polar spenders that go out and buys an entire car or house, so its jiggy with me, I guess, though a bit crazy at times.
May everyone have glowing toilets, Life Straws, and a gigantic first aid suitcases because ya just never know!
Love y’all!! ♥
