Extract

I'd like to be able to say that I have something witty and thought-provoking to write in a blog but, to be honest; I've got nothing. Instead I'm copying in the first scene in the first chapter of Nothing Ventured to see what you all think of the unedited opening. I can't stress this enough...it's unedited.
I've not done this on this scale before. The first novel only a handful of people read any of it. It's quite frightening in a way. Here goes: -

Lou had never been involved in an orgy before. She wasn’t quite sure how she’d got here or when she had become naked but it seemed rude not to join in so she decided to try and make the best of it. That cute actor from the Jester’s supermarkets commercial was here too. Granted he was at the far side of the pile of people and currently licking somebody else’s nipple but Lou felt; if she somehow managed to get across to him; he’d want to lick hers too.

Her old Geography teacher, Mr Kendal, was also a participant for some reason; getting right into the action and wearing nothing but a smile. Fortunately the folds of his stomach were hiding the more unattractive parts from view. He caught her eye now and winked lasciviously at her. He used to do that at school too, now Lou thought about it. She had to get across to Pete Crick. It wasn’t going to be easy and that beeping sound wasn’t helping her to concentrate either. Where was it coming from?

Doing her best to ignore it, Lou looked for the best route to get over to Pete. She crouched down and parted a pair of legs in front of her. This looked to be the best way so she squeezed herself through the gap. That beeping seemed to be getting louder, even though Lou was now right in the centre of the throng. Perhaps it was just the noise of that woman’s clitoral piercings clanging together.

She elbowed her way past a pair of very hairy buttocks. She was almost at the other side now. A big part of Pete Crick was almost at touching distance. Lou slowly extended her arm forward. Suddenly the ground below her disappeared. As she began to fall, she reached out for something to grab hold of. Her Geography teacher groaned with pleasure. She screamed, let go and fell.

Opening her eyes Lou saw the familiar, dusty, old, pink lightshade, half hanging off the ceiling light. She stretched out her right hand and switched off the beeping alarm clock, knocking over bottles of perfume and lotion on the bedside table in the process. Silence entered the room.

God, she thought, I feel like shit; and not just because of that last image of Mr Kendal.

Had it been the drinks last night that had caused her to dream like that? They were certainly responsible for the pain in her head. Okay so she did often think about Pete Crick. If a man could still look hot wearing a jester’s outfit while holding a bag of groceries then that’s a guy Lou wanted to meet. And that might just be a possibility. Simon, her manager, had told all the staff at the supermarket yesterday that the actor was touring the country, visiting a number of stores in the Jester’s chain as part of a promotional campaign.

Ah, who am I kidding, Lou thought, he’s not going to come to a backwater like this.

She sat up in bed and groaned, her hands automatically reaching for her forehead. Last night had meant to be a few drinks in The Smugglers after work. Two days ago her five year old daughter, Maddie, had gone to stay with her dad in London for the last two weeks of the summer holiday and it seemed like a good idea to go out for a couple of swift ones; a belated celebration for finally dumping that arse wipe, Chris, a month ago. The fact that it was a Tuesday and they all had to get up for work today hadn’t really entered into the equation. What time had she left the pub? Lou couldn’t remember. What had they been drinking? Lou couldn’t remember.

She swung her legs over the bed and slowly got to her feet, farting rather loudly.

Jesus Christ, she thought, getting a flashback whilst wafting her hands in front of her, I’ve got to stop getting curry sauce on my kebab.

After a long, hot shower Lou didn’t feel any better. Bits of last night kept reappearing in her mind and the back of her throat. As if her head didn’t hurt enough she managed to catch her foot in yesterday’s knickers as she returned from the en suite, which sent her crashing to the floor.

“Oh God,” she said aloud, her eyes parallel with her bra; which was wrapped around the base of the bedpost, “So that’s where I put the leftover kebab.”

Fifteen minutes later, after throwing up, dressing, throwing up again and trying to apply a bit of make-up; Lou was looking at herself in the hallway mirror. Ten years ago she could have partied all night long and gone straight into work looking fabulous. Now it took a lot of effort to make the night before disappear from off her face. Those dark circles didn’t exactly show off the green of her eyes. She didn’t normally scrape her long, brown hair back into a ponytail but she didn’t have time to get the straighteners out.

“Oh sod it,” she sighed, “That will do.” It was only the local supermarket she worked in after all, not some fashionable head office in a trendy city.

She opened the front door to her apartment. Directly opposite stood Diana Carlton, one of the founder members of the Ryan Harbour coven as far as Lou was concerned. She was watering that hideous looking plant she kept by her own front door. Lou hated it and was sure that was the only reason Diana kept it there. Mind you, if she was honest, Lou had done a similar thing with Maddie’s toys; leaving the bulkier items in an untidy pile outside her door for Diana to see every time she left her own apartment.

She was sure Diana was only standing there now because she knew it was the time Lou left for work. The woman didn’t have a job, never had done, so why else was she up this early and immaculately dressed as always? There was probably going to be some comment, Lou thought, about what time she came home last night; not that she could remember what that was or if she’d been noisy. Mind you it was highly likely there had been a song and perhaps a knock at Diana’s door. Still, Lou was in no mood for an argument right now or to feel the force of that withering, condescending stare Diana always gave that put her back up.

“Don’t worry it was only one night out,” she called, as she walked past, “Lots of fun though, you ought to try it sometime. No one was sober, no one was quiet and no one died.”

Lou waved a hand over her shoulder as she continued on through the door to the communal stairwell. If she had looked back she would have seen Diana take a handkerchief out of her sleeve and dab at her eyes.
© 2016 Stuart Bone