Being Available for our Children
Being available is all about time – both dedicating time to our kids and being fully present during that time. As parents, we already dedicate a lot of time to our kids. Parents and children are always on the clock: Time to wake up. Time to brush your teeth. Time to get to school. Time to do homework. Time for basketball practice or dance practice. Time for dinner. Time for bed. That is how we roll.
Parents today are raising their kids in a fast-paced world. “There are not enough hours in the day” is a mainstream complaint. Parents are always trying to get it all done in what seems like a limited window of time. The truth is, we can stretch time as much as we want, and yet there is never enough time to finish everything. Yes, we can take time-management classes and heed the tips to accomplish more in less time. Yet time cannot truly be managed day in and day out.
As I sent me princess off to college, I realized how quickly time had passed. At her high school graduation, I was nothing but pride and joy. I felt that she and I were both ready for this next big step. But when we dropped Nitasha off at school and returned home, not a day went by that first week when I didn’t go into her room and shed a tear or two. How had time flown by like that? Just yesterday, it seemed, I was changing diapers. Today she is old enough to live alone. How did the years go by so quickly?
A week later, I met a friend whose kids were exactly the same age as mine. Over lunch we talked about how much we missed our newly departed freshmen. Then all of a sudden, my friend went quiet and said, “I wonder if I did a good job? I wish I had spent more time with him. He acted like he couldn’t wait to get away from me. All these years… I never realized they would go by so fast.” Gretchen Rubin, author of the best-seller The Happiness Project, is right on target when she says, “The days are long, but the years are short.”
The days are long, but the years are short.
You see, when we are in the midst of our busy parenting years, we ask ourselves questions filled with doubt or guilt: Am I a good parent? Am I doing a good enough job? Am I spending enough time with my kids? And during these years, we can actually do something about it. We can focus on making a change. However, when the kids are grown up and gone, so is that possibility. Since it’s impossible to travel back in time, destructive emotions like doubt and guilt may eat at us and be reflected in our relationship with our kids. That alone should make spending quality time with the kids now oh-so-important! Quality time is that ingredient that can pacify doubt and guilt while nurturing trust.
I’m not saying you must drop your entire life and spend all your time on parenting. But little by little, you can position yourself now to reap the benefits later. Investing time with your kids in the present is investing in your bond with them in the future. This is like investing in a retirement fund but even more important. When you are younger, it takes some discipline and dedication to put money away every month, but the payoff is security for the future. Similarly, investing quality time with your kids now moves you toward your larger goal of securing and sharing time with them in the future. Parenting is a commitment to grow together, and dedicating quality time now anchors that commitment for decades to come.
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