Is your child a "difficult" Pre-schooler because of you?

“He just doesn’t sit in class”

“She doesn’t listen”

“He doesn’t follow instructions”

“She disturbs all the other children who are trying to work”

No parent wants to hear these complaints when they ask how their pre-schooler is doing in class.

Unfortunately however, these are complaints many parents are compelled to hear about their heretofore angelic children when they first join pre-school.

Complaints such as these can make parents feel dejected – disappointed and possibly even devastated.

When a child starts preschool – every parent is waiting anxiously for a good review from the child’s preschool teacher.



Yes – it is the first time the child is away from the parents. The first time he/ she is alone in an unfamiliar environment.

And every parent wants to hear the teacher say that their child is doing wonderfully well in the new environment.

Unfortunately however, a lot of parents do not hear their child’s preschool teacher say that.

A lot of parents are told that their children are “hyperactive” or “difficult”

Shocked and embarrassed parents, who are trying to cope with the knowledge that they have a disruptive child – often behave in an adverse manner – and this usually ensures that the child’s behaviour becomes even worse.

It is important to remember that when children are “difficult” – it is often the result of “well-intentioned” “excessively loving” parenting.

Watch out if you are doing these 5 things! Your parenting may be the reason your child is becoming "difficult".

 Watch out! You may be overdoing the PRAISE
 
Do constantly clap, say “very good” or “wow” when your child does something he is supposed to do?

It can lead to him doing things only to elicit praise from you.

When a child first learns to do something – he needs to be praised in order to understand what he should do and what pleases you and is acceptable.

Once the learning phase is over however, children must transition to doing things because these actions give them pleasure or make them feel competent.

Before children begin school – they must get used to intermittent praise from external sources. They must learn that gratification in the form of praise from adults – is often delayed. They must in fact learn how to praise themselves.

Teach your child to work by himself. Teach him to and encourage himself by giving himself a pat on the back and tell himself “I really did well”

Children never develop the ability to do this if you always rush in to praise everything they do all the time.

Watch out! You may be giving your child too much ATTENTION

One of the most important things a child needs to learn to succeed in school in order to fit into the class room is – to be able to continue an activity by himself when he is not the center of attention.

When we teach children that we are always prepared to drop everything and give them attention as soon as they ask – we set them up to expect the same from everyone else.

It is important to teach children that everyone has a right to come first sometimes and that everyone has to take a turn at coming last.

While it is not right to constantly tell your child you are too busy for him. It is also very wrong to never let him know that you are busy.

“Please wait – I will listen to you when I have finished talking to Aunty”

“Can you just give me a little while to finish this email? I will then come and see your lovely painting”

“Let me finish my workout. After that I will make you your sandwich”

These are all expectations that are acceptable for parents to have from a child.

Watch out! Your child may have no idea what it means to be QUIET

The excitement of having a baby in the house can really set adults off. Being around a child can make them feel compelled to constantly be boisterously entertaining. And this can result in the child being unaware of how to spend quiet time.

A child who is constantly the center of attention at home feels compelled to entertain the adults around him and can take to running around and making noise.

A child used to doing this at home is likely to carry this behaviour into the classroom. And racing around the classroom when he is supposed to be sitting and working – can make him extremely unpopular.

It is important to teach children the value of quiet companionable silence – when two people can be around each other doing their own thing – without talking to or entertaining each other.

Working at different things while sitting together at the dining table can teach your child a lot.

Also visiting a place of worship regularly – where decorous behaviour and silence or hushed whispers are expected for a short while – can teach your child a lot.

Watch out! You may not be teaching your child to KEEP TRYING until he succeeds

To enjoy school and succeed at school – children need to have the confidence to try something even when it is difficult. They need to have the will to persist at it even when they don’t succeed. And they need the resilience to withstand criticism and not get crushed by it.

As loving parents anxious to protect our children from the trauma of failure – we often tend to jump in to help our children as soon as we find them face to face with a challenging task. By doing this – we abort the process of learning and discourage them from tackling anything difficult.

“Try it – you will get it if you keep trying” – is a sentence we need to repeat to our children whenever we find them struggling.

Watch out! You may not be showing your REAL SELF to your child

Showing all your real feelings to your child may scare him, but completely disguising your emotions is also not right.

Children need to see their parents angry, upset and scared. They need to know that others also have the same feelings and that these feelings have names and are natural.

Always listen to your child’s fears and anxieties when he expresses them. Listen with sympathy and acknowledge his feelings. Never deny them or pretend that they do not exist.

It is scary for a child to go out into the wide world and clarifying his emotions can make him more secure.

A secure child can cope better on all fronts and overcome the challenges that preschool poses – with ease.

 
Coping at preschool is the first real challenge you and your child face together. Overcoming the challenge successfully can be a tremendous boost for life and it is important to ensure success.
Make sure you avoid these mistakes. They can ruin the Preschool experience for your child.