Nagma...

Nagma- The Urdu word which means a “Beautiful Song”, in Hindi it means “Taraana” but in SBI, Mumbai branch, it means a girl who recently turned 29 and desperately needs a life partner to live the rest of her life. Anyone who has crossed 25, girls in particular, and is single becomes a topic of chit chat among all groups: the society, the relatives, the colleagues and even their own friend circle. Just like a graduation boy must have a job in his hand, in a girl’s case her hands must be in some mature and settled hands.At a glance Nagma has a very simple appearance- A very simple girl from a middle class family. Short in stature, wheatish complexion, always clad in simple Salwaar kameez. Her family includes a housewife mom and a reporter father. Like every parent, her parents have a dream to find her a perfect match, which for them means – A US settled guy with a handsome salary, doesn’t matter how handsome he himself is.. Nagma has completely surrendered herself to her parents’ choice. She cleared her job interview in the very first attempt but got rejected several times in a marriage proposal. A few more months to go before she reaches 30: An age group where people started considering you as old.
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“ Ek pyaar ka nagma hai, mauzo ki raawani hai, zindagi or kuch bhi nahi..teri meri kahani hai”. Nagma was listening to her favorite song on mobile while working on her computer when some masculine voice disturbed her from behind.“Hey Miss Nagma, come out of your dream” he said and shook her slightly.“I wasn’t dreaming”. Nagma said hastily.“Well…women at your age only dream. I can understand” He said and gave her a gleeful smile. In response Nagma scowled at him.“What do you want?” she asked annoyingly.“I don’t want anything. But a man who is waiting for you at reception might want something”. He said and continued his horrible smile. Nagma gritted her teeth in anger and stood to move towards the reception.“Who knows he might be the one… but be careful he is a little older than you” he shouted from behind while the bunch of people around laughed at her discourteously. Nagma avoided everyone and proceeded towards the reception where she noticed a middle aged man waiting for her.“Yes..How can I help you?” She asked.“Is it Nagma Siddiqui?” the man said, ogling at her. Like an examiner examines an answer sheet, he was scanning her very carefully.“Yes I am Nagma Siddiqui” she said. The man’s eyes made her a little uncomfortable and she straightened her dupatta up a bit.“ I think I am at a wrong place” the man said stepping back.“But! I am Nagma.. I guess you were looking for me” she said puzzled.“Yes..But..but I think I got a wrong person…i..i am sorry”. He said hurriedly and turned back to leave.“But..listen” baffled Nagma shouted from behind but he had left. Whatever happened was unfathomable for Nagma. She couldn’t comprehend anything and decided to follow him.She saw him standing on the corridor of the bank, speaking to someone.“Sir..she looks completely different then her profile pic on Kar Lo Shaadi.com. She is not fair; she is ugly and isn’t suitable to marry your modern son”. The man was speaking over his phone.Nagma heard his conversation and felt embarrassed. She went to the washroom crying, looked at herself in the mirror and cursed herself for how she is. Every word of that man pierced her heart very deeply.She went back to her cubicle. Though she felt like crying more, she ceased her emotions, as that would have added to her embarrassment amongst her colleagues. This has become a daily occurrence for her. Everyday she has to bear with different kinds of people who come and play with her emotions                                                *****************************“Mummy!! You posted my profile on Shaadi.com” Nagma came home and hollered on her mother.“No beta its kar lo shaadi.com” her mother replied while washing utensils in the kitchen.“But why!!…I am not so desperate to get married. You don’t know what kind of people come to meet me due to your bullshit post on some dam site. Don’t you know how embarrassed I feel.” Nagma said and threw her bag in anger.“What is there to get embarrassed in this…everybody does that…anyway did someone come to meet you today….How was he?....Did you like him?”. Her mother threw a volley of question to her daughter in one breath.“ohh…he was handsome …and 45 year old bald man and probably a father of two sons..I would love to marry him…happy” Nagma said annoyingly and went inside her room smashing a door hard.“God!! This girl speaks so much…how would anyone like her? Learn some shyness and delicacy girl, men don’t like a woman who speaks so much. Her mom followed her inside the room-lecturing and irritating her further. Most Indian moms worries only about two things, maid: who comes late to work and a daughter who is getting late to marry.“Mom please stop describing men’s choices. I am not interested…please let me sleep”. Nagma said and covered her face with a pillow.“ Ok sleep, but be ready this Sunday. One family is coming to meet you. Oh God!! Please help this child                                                               ********************
In Siddiqui family celebrations occur very seldom- on a occasion of any festival or when someone special visits their home to see Nagma. This was the 20th family’s visit to Nagma’s house ever since she crossed 25. Her mom was performing both of her tasks quite perfectly, one preparing a good meal for the guests and second getting her daughter ready for the occasion. Over makeup, heavy cloths, shining jewellery, gajra and intoxicated fragrance were loaded on Nagma’s body which she was not used to and which she hated the most.“Ya allah…Please make this happen” Nagma’s mother intoned a prayer while holding the tea tray to Nagma. “And control your tongue over their” she continued to Nagma to which Nagma responded with a sheer grin.Very melodramatically Nagma entered into the hall where six eyes were fixed on her. Very cautiously she kept the tray on the table and said “Asalaam- waaley-kum”“Waaley-kum-a-sallam” said the boy’s mother. “ So, what is your name beti” She asked.“Everything is written in the bio-data budhiyyaa” She wanted to reply but instead what she said is “Nagma”. She kept her eyes down while fidgeting nervously with her dupatta.“Beautiful name!!…. what's your hobby” her prospective ‘Saas’ asked again.“When you have already read my bio-data then why the hell are you asking these questions” Nagma’s mind spoke but her tongue was in total control as commanded by her mother. And what she said is“ My hobbies are cooking , listening to music and watching movies” but this was a lie, her hobby also included dancing which she didn't mention as it would have led to the next obvious question“Can you show us a dance?”.A student in an interview and an unmarried girl in a marriage proposal place their hobbies very carefully.“Ohh…you watch movies!! Which is your favourite movie” her soon to be ‘saas inquired.“Bandit Queen” Nagma said impulsively.“What!! ...are you serious?” Boy's mother was dumbfounded by her reply.“She means…she likes movies on reality, but she also like Dilwaale Dulhaniya Le jaayenge. She is a big fan of Shah Rukh Khan” Nagma’s mother interrupted and brushed Nagma’s head, forcing herself not to tap on her head instead for her bluntness.“Ohh…But my son Naushaad doesn’t watch movies…he is not like other boys who stare at the actresses.” The typical would be said, but then suddenly.“What’s my name….what’s my name…my name is Sheela… Sheela ki jaawani” Boys mobile rang hard and announced his crush on Katrina. No one dared to say anything but Nagma giggled aloud.“These modern smart phones and their default ringtone I tell you.. He...he” Boy’s mother said with a sheepish grin.“Does your son speak or he is dumb” Nagma’s mind spoke again but since she was not allowed to talk much she was doing one way conversation in her mind.And after firing several questions, the Boy's mother allowed him to talk “ Tula kahi vicharaiche ahe ka” which means “do you want to ask something” and the boy started his conversation with a very intelligent question.“What’s your name?”“Indira Gandhi you fool” As usual Nagma’s aggressive mind shouted and this time she couldn’t curb her aggressiveness to effect her tongue and said “It's written over the Bio-Data”.“Nagma!!...Please reply what he asked”“Ohh God!! I am sitting among a bunch of fools” She thought again.“Nagma……..” Her mother cleared her throat and said staring hard at her.“JI My name is Nagma..and my hobby is cooking, watching movies, listening to music. And my favourite movie is Bandit Queen but according to my mom my favourite movie is Dilwaale dulhaniya Le jaayenge… and..“we know all this” The Boy said interjecting.“Then what do you want to ask?” Nagma asked politely, maintaining a fake smile on her face.“Ask some general knowledge question beta” Boy’s mother said nudging him and then what he asked was very funny“Mere photo ko seene se yaar chipkale saiyaan fevicol se”All and sundry went shock in silence and looked at the boy, then the boy spoke to bridge the awful silence..“Tell me which singer sang this song” Boy continued and asked this question.Now every eye turned towards Nagma and she became more nervous than before.“Answer this …” Boy’s mother said and looked at the boy with pride.“I don’t watch this kind of movie” Nagma gulped and said nervously.“This is a latest release..You should know” Boy said and broadened his chest with pride.Nagma went blank and after a few seconds pause she said, “So you keep all the latest update”“Yes I do” He said smiling.“Oh… you are so intelligent…why don’t you answer one of my questions” Nagma challenged him indirectly and politely.“Yes I will ..Please ask” Boy accepted excitedly oblivious of what was to come next.Then Nagma asked her Question for the first time“How do you think our finance ministry can balance the fiscal deficit and help in current inflation crisis?”All of a sudden an awful silence engulfed the room completely. This time the silence had depth. Boy gaped in awe at Nagma with mouth agape and he made his face as if he is suffering from Amnesia.This way the cold war between Nagma and the boy’s family ended. They went saying they will inform their decision later on call but in Indian society when one says “will inform on call” it means there is nothing to inform. And as expected by Siddiquie family, no call came. This way Nagma experienced another rejection.
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Gradually Nagma started believing that she has to live alone in this world. She realised it’s better to be alone than to be accompanied by a fool or by a mismatch. She is independent enough to live alone and there is no reason for her to have a male companion to live the rest of her own life.
But it has been truly said by someone “when you avoid something, it follows you until death” .
Next day when Nagma opened her mail it was flooded with preferable match and other offers from Kar lo Shaadi.com . Every second thing related to Nagma was making her realize that she is a damsel – A forlorn Damsel.
Nagma was feeling distressed by these typical social perceptions but somehow drifted her mind away from marriage and concentrated on work, then suddenly her mobile rang hard. She picked it to answer the call which was from Kar lo Shaadi.com
“Hello mam I am calling from Kar lo Shaadi.com…I need your few minutes”
“From where are you calling….Shaadi.com?” she said confusingly
“No mam its Kar lo Shaddi.com”.
“Yes Mr. .com tell me”
“Your profile on Shaadi.com is not 100% complete. Answer my few questions. This will help you to get more response”
“What kind of question?”
“Its about Partner Preferences Mam. Your Age is 29. So are you looking for a person less than 29 or more than 29.”
“What!” Nagma replied irritably.
“I mean are you looking for someone younger then you or older?”
“What kind of Question is this? Of course someone older than me”
“How older?” he asked rapidly.
“What do you mean by how older….i..i..don’t know”.
“Ok..It means Age is no barrier…ok then Fair, whitish, Black or dark Black”
“Now what is this?” she said petulantly.
“Colour Preference Mam..I listed out colour choices for you” he said giving stress to each word.
“Colour!! …Colour for what?”
“Your Partner colour mam”
“That doesn’t matter”
“It means even dark black is fine…fine next question.. height… 5’7 to 5’11 is fine”
“ya its fine. Even 6 feet is fine” Nagma replied innocently, unaware of what coming next .
“Ohh 6 feet. What if its 6 feet 1 inch or 2 inch. Does 1or 2 inches will matter to you?”
“What!…No its fine”
“Ok that means size doesn’t matter..I mean height ..height doesn’t matter. Now weight. So tell me Slim, average, athletic, overweight, Fat, very fat”.
“Doesn’t mater. A normal healthy person.”
“We have also included another option in this category.A Person with large abdomen. Would you like to select this option? ”
“No...Not at all. Why would I like to select that option?”
“Actually mam we have made several surveys and found that women find those men sexy who have large abdomen”. He said bluntly “anyway do you want to include any special cases” He continued to ask his idiotic questions.
“Now what is this special case?”
“Special case includes- Mentally retired, physically challenged like dumb, deaf, impotent, polio infected and many more. Do you want to select this option”?
“No of course not. Now please stop this question and answer session. I have a work to complete” Nagma had completely lost her patience.
“ And I...Mam..Mam..Mam ..A few more minutes please. Just a few more options left. Tell me Mam Do you want to include HIV positive cases”.
“Just shut-up . Are you out of your mind!!”. Nagma growled
“Sorry mam..It is on the list so it’s my duty to ask. I am really sorry Mam. So the next option is Bald or a lot of hair” he continued to play with her patience and emotions
“Oh god!! Please stop” she said huffily.
“Mam it’s an important option. We have conducted a survey and find that women like……”
“to hell with your survey and to hell with you. I don’t care about your idiotic survey and I also don’t care if its bald or having a plenty of hair..anywhere.. Please no more questions” she said angrily and hung up.
Nagma got dejected and felt like a criminal who has committed the crime of being single.
“Why doesn’t this cruel world allow me to live the way I want” She thought and before she could overcome from her trauma, her mobile shouted again. She picked it up to answer.
“Mam we have included another option in the list. Do you want a partner with a moustache or a clean shave…”
“Oh please shut-up. And don’t ever call me again” Nagma Shouted loud and ended the call. Her voice was loud enough to disturb her colleagues working in the office.
“ I am really sorry guys” she said to everyone in general.
“No its ok .We can understand your frustration. In this age this is normal. We strongly recommend you to marry soon”. Her colleague teased her instead of a casual reply. Poor Nagma felt Embarrassed and left the place with a saddened face. Some people don’t care for your feeling. For them it’s “ones pain is others smile”.
“ Depression clutched the body, heart embraced by pain”“Vision coloured in darkness, tears tickling like rain”“All rays of happiness vanished, leaving only shadows of woe”“All faces are turned around, what left is foe”“Finding me in myself, or extracting sane out of Insane”“Who I am, what is my existence, where do I go,and how do I remove the Dreadful wane.
Apparently in some psychological survey it was found that love doesn’t happen only when you are making dinner together, hanging out with each other, laughing in a bar, sleeping all night in each other’s arms or even in a long and healthy relationship, but it also comes from somewhere more complicated and difficult ways. It is a most uncertain thing and can happen anytime with anyone-without any warning, like a sneeze.
One day while coming out of the mosque, she saw a boy who was busy with his camera and clicking the photographs. She finds it strange and since most of the time she has been living with an upset mind due to her marriage she flushes out her anger on the boy.
“Hey Mr. …People come here to offer a prayer. If you are not interested in praying then at least don’t disturb them with your camera”. She flared and boy gets scared.
“ Sorry ..I wasn’t aiming to disturb them…anyway I am done with my prayer and clicking some pic for my magazine”.
“Ohh..is it then its ok..carry on” Nagma said and grinned.
“ I am even done with my picture. I am a photographer in a Mumbai Masala magazine and need to post some beautiful picture of a city anyway I am Ali.” He said while covering his camera.
“Ohh ....Even my father works there and my name is……” and this way they start their conversation.
“So you are working there as an intern photographer”
“Yes …but soon will be a permanent photographer. Anyway I am a photographer by profession but by passion I am a writer. One day I’ll write for Mumbai Masala”.
“Wow..So what you write”
“I write on many things like recently I wrote about a woman”.
“Women!!!!....so what you wrote about women good or bad?”
“Of-course good…why will I write bad”
“because for most of the people women is like a sweet cake which is divided into a several pieces for man sometime as daughter, sometime as sister, then as girlfriend , wife, then mother and also by immoral societies.
“Yes this is a common perception but for me women are like a beautiful plant, who looks beautiful from outside but only she knows the struggle required by its root against the soil to grow long, strong and pleasant but still its beauty surrounded by many thorn”. This one statement from this boy works like a magic which conjures up a feeling of respect for that boy in Nagma’s heart.
They have begun to meet regularly and started liking each other’s company which gradually cultivated a seed of love in a fertile soil of Nagma’s heart. It took 30 long years for Nagma to find her love. She was finally arrested in someone’s dreams, she was like a woman in a desert who finally finds an ocean and tastes the sweetness of it, but the sour part of it was still to come.
Later one day Nagma find’s that he is 5 years younger than her, but that doesn’t bother her and her affection towards Ali doesn’t get reduced. Gradually Ali becomes an ‘Achilles heel’ for Nagma. Day’s turns to weeks and weeks turn into months and they continue to meet. All these meeting’s radicalize her from a forlorn girl to a passion driven lover who is now determined to confess her love to Ali- The love which had come in her life as a surprise, but the unpredictable life has stored more surprises for her. One day when she decided to disclose her feelings to Ali, she found that his marriage is already fixed and he is getting married shortly. She felt left alone again and soon realized that her affection and love for Ali was one sided. She was enjoying her life and was very happy when she was alone but now there were many reasons for her to cry and no reason to live. She locked herself in a room, cried hard and cursed herself several times for getting attracted towards Ali.
The day came when Ali got married and she also attended his marriage. The person whom she loved was tying a knot with someone else and in front of her, probably the worst situation any lover can be in.
“She wanted to talk, but he didn’t bother and continued to walk”“She wanted to walk along, but he left her forlorn”“She wanted to see his face, but he turned around with no grace”“She wanted to tell what she feels, but left with a wound which could never again heal”“She wanted to touch him, but realized it was just a dream”“Now she is very alone, and wanted to cry”“Now when she needed him the most, he went away saying good – bye.Even after many days of Ali’s marriage she couldn’t forget him. Days and Nights she just thinks about him who causes a loss of hunger and other Interest. Having a one sided love is very dangerous and falling in love with a married person is even more dangerous than having a one sided love and Nagma has experienced the both.
Nagma’s mind was captured by Ali’s image and was impossible for her to remove him completely. The billions of nerve cells in her scalp responsible for co- ordianting a voluntary and in involuntary movement of the body were ruled by his one image. And which forced her to fall into depression. Therefore She decided to leave all her memory behind and left the city and also her job to get settled in Bangalore .
She has chosen a path on which everyone’s fear to walk- A path which goes to loneliness- A Path for leaving alone. She has now prepared her mind to live her rest of the life alone and away from everyone who will make her realize about the marriage.
But Life has a very incredible feature- it never goes with a plan and it will throw the most unpredictable and important part of it “love” at you when you avoid it the most.

Two Years later,

Nagma had to travel to Chennai to attend her friend’s marriage. She boarded a train from Bangalore to Chennai and was in the heat of the moment to capture her allotted seat. She got surprised when she saw a man seated on her seat and talking over the phone.
“Yes mom I registered myself on karlo shaadi. Com. I’ll talk to you later I am on the train…. bye”.
“Excuse me Mr. this seat no. 32 belongs to me” Nagma said to the passenger.”
“But I have a ticket booked for this seat” passenger said surprisingly.
“That is impossible. My seat no. is 32. Please get up” Nagma yelled at him this time.
“But seat no. 32 is allocated to me, I have confirmed it from TT” Even he was not giving up.
Their argument lasted for a few minutes and then the man demanded Nagma to show her ticket, which initially she denied but after being requested for by other passenger several times she handed her ticket to the man.
“Do you think I am travelling WT. Here is my ticket” She said
Man studied her ticket and started laughing uncontrollably.
“Why are you laughing for?” Furious and suspicious Nagma asked.
“Madam your seat no. is not 32, it’s your age you got yourself confused with. Your seat no. is 35” He said laughing. Nagma looked at the ticket and then both burst out laughing.
You all must be wondering what happen next. No story could be complete without a love story and Nagma’s love story has just started.
So this is not the end of Nagma’s Story. It’s just a beginning.

                                       “ Deep inside her heart still a hope lives”
                             “A hope of someone and a hope of love in which she believes”
                               Her eyes summon up a brightness and brain drown in dream”
                                     “ Bruises are healed and happiness acquires the grim”
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© 2015 K Rajiv Ranjan All Rights Reserved