Random thoughts about edgy YA, and what age is the right age to start reading it
There's been a lot of controversy over what YA is and what it isn't, and what age it *should* be for, and if edgy YA books are too dark or somehow negatively influential to teens (as if teens were stupid). And I've been thinking about it a lot lately.
As a parent of two teenagers, here are some simple thoughts about kids and reading, based on my experiences as a parent:
Both of my kids, when faced with something in a book that they were uncomfortable with, put the book down. Kids do this instinctively. They don't feel a need to keep reading something that is too mature, too graphic, to sexual, too anything. I don't understand why so many people think that kids have no built in monitors for themselves. Have you ever heard a kid say "I was really uncomfortable with the coarse language in that book, so I kept reading it." Of course not. Kids are smart, and their time is precious. They're not going to waste time plugging through something that makes them feel weird.
There comes a time in a parent's life where there is a moment of revelation--something changing in their kids. I remember when it happened for my son (now 17). It was the summer he was 13. And we were talking about something very grown up, and suddenly I looked at him and saw him with new eyes. The gradual changes he'd been making that year in his maturity level were suddenly so obvious. He had become a young adult, and I hadn't noticed until that moment.
A young adult is exactly that - an adult who is young. And we were conversing like adults, about topics adults and young adults talk about. I could feel it in him -- he was ready to read anything, to explore beyond his current repertoire of Paolini and Riordan. And that summer, he did. He read Sherman Alexie's The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian, and Ellen Hopkins' CRANK, and I let him read WAKE, by me, which was not quite published at that time, and so many more books that would help grow him up and make him think about choices and consequences. How exciting! We talked about things -- drugs and girls and substance abuse and welfare and sex, and I could almost see his brain growing. I could see him understanding the books and learning from these characters' mistakes, and from their successes. Today I see him making such amazing, great choices in his own life. Coincidence?
For my daughter (now 14), it happened when she was almost 12, in a very different way. One day she said, "Mom, all my friends have read WAKE. Why won't you let me read it?!" It was funny, but I also had to ask myself that same question - Why? I explained my concerns to her about some of the topics that are addressed in WAKE. And I said, how do you feel about reading stuff like that? She gave me the raised eyebrow. "I know what all of those things are, Mom. If I don't like it, I'll put it down."
And again I looked at a child of mine, who had matured so subtly that from day to day, it wasn't noticeable, but with fresh eyes it was so crazy obvious. She had become a young adult. I agreed (of course she would put it down! She'd done it countless times before with other books), and I handed it off, saying "Let's talk about it after." She was delighted. And after, we talked about it. And she got it. My new little adult learned great lessons from Janie. **spoiler alert** When she finished the trilogy, she said, "I'm really glad Janie decided not to drink anymore." I was surprised she'd picked up on that. It's very subtle in GONE, the moment that Janie makes that decision, and it's a moment that I never expected readers to ask me about or discuss, but I did hope they'd sort of absorb subconsciously. There's no big declaration, no epic "here's the moral - don't drink!" It's just a moment, a sentence, where we see Janie make the connection between her mom, the booze, and their life -- and make a different choice for her own life. It's one sentence, easily missed. And my kid -- my brand new young adult, picked up on it.
It's not rocket science for parents to know when their kid is ready to read edgy YA. And there is no exact age - it depends on the kid. Some kids are ready much younger than mine. Some aren't nearly ready yet at those ages. All it takes is a moment sitting at the kitchen bar, talking about grown up things, and noticing things. Letting kids grow up. And saying "hey...I have a book for you." Or listening when your child says in her own language, "I'm ready to learn how to be an adult now."
As a parent of two teenagers, here are some simple thoughts about kids and reading, based on my experiences as a parent:
Both of my kids, when faced with something in a book that they were uncomfortable with, put the book down. Kids do this instinctively. They don't feel a need to keep reading something that is too mature, too graphic, to sexual, too anything. I don't understand why so many people think that kids have no built in monitors for themselves. Have you ever heard a kid say "I was really uncomfortable with the coarse language in that book, so I kept reading it." Of course not. Kids are smart, and their time is precious. They're not going to waste time plugging through something that makes them feel weird.
There comes a time in a parent's life where there is a moment of revelation--something changing in their kids. I remember when it happened for my son (now 17). It was the summer he was 13. And we were talking about something very grown up, and suddenly I looked at him and saw him with new eyes. The gradual changes he'd been making that year in his maturity level were suddenly so obvious. He had become a young adult, and I hadn't noticed until that moment.
A young adult is exactly that - an adult who is young. And we were conversing like adults, about topics adults and young adults talk about. I could feel it in him -- he was ready to read anything, to explore beyond his current repertoire of Paolini and Riordan. And that summer, he did. He read Sherman Alexie's The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian, and Ellen Hopkins' CRANK, and I let him read WAKE, by me, which was not quite published at that time, and so many more books that would help grow him up and make him think about choices and consequences. How exciting! We talked about things -- drugs and girls and substance abuse and welfare and sex, and I could almost see his brain growing. I could see him understanding the books and learning from these characters' mistakes, and from their successes. Today I see him making such amazing, great choices in his own life. Coincidence?
For my daughter (now 14), it happened when she was almost 12, in a very different way. One day she said, "Mom, all my friends have read WAKE. Why won't you let me read it?!" It was funny, but I also had to ask myself that same question - Why? I explained my concerns to her about some of the topics that are addressed in WAKE. And I said, how do you feel about reading stuff like that? She gave me the raised eyebrow. "I know what all of those things are, Mom. If I don't like it, I'll put it down."
And again I looked at a child of mine, who had matured so subtly that from day to day, it wasn't noticeable, but with fresh eyes it was so crazy obvious. She had become a young adult. I agreed (of course she would put it down! She'd done it countless times before with other books), and I handed it off, saying "Let's talk about it after." She was delighted. And after, we talked about it. And she got it. My new little adult learned great lessons from Janie. **spoiler alert** When she finished the trilogy, she said, "I'm really glad Janie decided not to drink anymore." I was surprised she'd picked up on that. It's very subtle in GONE, the moment that Janie makes that decision, and it's a moment that I never expected readers to ask me about or discuss, but I did hope they'd sort of absorb subconsciously. There's no big declaration, no epic "here's the moral - don't drink!" It's just a moment, a sentence, where we see Janie make the connection between her mom, the booze, and their life -- and make a different choice for her own life. It's one sentence, easily missed. And my kid -- my brand new young adult, picked up on it.
It's not rocket science for parents to know when their kid is ready to read edgy YA. And there is no exact age - it depends on the kid. Some kids are ready much younger than mine. Some aren't nearly ready yet at those ages. All it takes is a moment sitting at the kitchen bar, talking about grown up things, and noticing things. Letting kids grow up. And saying "hey...I have a book for you." Or listening when your child says in her own language, "I'm ready to learn how to be an adult now."
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Stephanie
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Jun 26, 2011 11:51AM
I agree 100%. I'm a teen (or young adult) and I do this all the time. If the book I'm reading gets too uncomfortable for me, I put it down. It's as simple as that. I am in charge of what books I choose to read, no one can make me read anything I don't want to read. I choose. If I don't feel like reading curse words, I put the book down and then pick up a light read, perhaps a love story of some sorts. Ex. Sarah Dessen. If I don't want to read about sex, great, then off to the library I go to pick out a different book. Young adults can decide for themselves. I think that the actual adults need to remember that fact when making these statements and keep in mind that they should talk to the kids before making any hasty decisions. Just my two-cents.
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I think I love and respect Lisa McMann 10 times more after reading this blog. She hit the bullseye. People think they need to protect their kids and censor everything, but they need to realize that kids can do it for themselves. And that's how they're going to grow up and learn.
I'm with you on this. I'm a young adult myself, but I always look towards the future and the way I'd like to raise my kids and I think what you're saying makes alot of sense. As a kid, I've gotten that uncomfortable feeling before. And guess what? I stopped reading the book! We're all born with souls and a conscience no matter what age. In fact, the younger we are, the more innocent we usually tend to be. We haven't been exposed to the evils of the world unlike adults, and so we feel uncomfortable when exposed to it. Isn't the whole world (including its inhabitants) supposed to be exceptional? Aren't we all just living in rainbow land?Once we sense a flaw in the perfection, we don't want to hear the rest of it.
As a 42 year old mom of five kids, 12 to 22 years old, and as a librarian, I have seen both sides of the fence of books and trying to gauge reading readiness. Parents do not credit their kids enough with the ability to choose the books they want to read, and more to the point, being able to put down books they don't like or are uncomfortable with. When given plenty of books choices, kids are more prone to read and read voraciously. I find the students who respect their parents book tastes and wishes have parents who read tween/teen books. Some of my best customers are the parents, reading several tween and YA books a month for their own pleasure, while also determining if it's a book for their own child. More times than not, these tween/teen parent readers are always recommending books they have just read to their kids, and these kids are secretly proud to have such a cool parent willingly read these books. P.S.: one of my cool moms, Susan M., is a huge fan of your books!
Love your perspective as mom and librarian, Tatiana! Tell your cool mom Susan M I said hey. :)
I have had several students read books that are banned in their home, tackling several chapters every day in the library during their recess breaks. I had one child read the entire Harry Potter series for nine months, and another read the Twilight series over four months. So, where there is a will, there is a way. My husband and daughter read the Twilight series together. They laughed their way through the "honeymoon" chapter in Breaking Dawn, and screamed "WHAT!!!" when they found out a baby was on the way. Of course, they did this while we waited for 90 minutes in a busy L.A. restaurant. All who saw them together reading commented how they should be doing the same thing with their kid. As parents, we used to make time to read to our kids. Now we just have to shift our thinking and read with our kids as they get older.
