Evil Monkey Hates…And Hates…And Hates…
Evil Monkey:
I hate you.
Jeff:
I don't hate you. I love you.
Evil Monkey:
Hate me. Hate my stench. Hate my feces on the wall.
Jeff:
I hate the cat's throw-up more. But I'm curious. What else do you hate?
Evil Monkey:
I hate the bitter inner lining of walnut shells. I hate the smell of socks in the summer when the rain hits dead leaves. I hate people hating on Margaret Atwood. I hate when you complain about needing bifocals and being deaf in one ear. I hate V.S. Naipaul. I hate people who hate complex writing styles. I hate the New Emo Left. I hate idiots.
Jeff:
You don't seem to hate that bottle of vodka you're swigging. Isn't it a bit early?
Evil Monkey:
I'm on Estonian time. I hate people on Eastern Standard Time.
Jeff:
I hate people who ask me what Steampunk is. Why don't you just google the 1,800 entries of bloggers who've written posts titled either "What Is Steampunk?" or "Steampunk: This New Thing I Just Discovered and Will Now Reinvent the Wheel Defining."
Evil Monkey:
I hate Steampunk.
Jeff:
I hate Monkeypunk.
Evil Monkey:
I hate Vanderpunk.
Jeff:
I hate that you've been gone so long.
Evil Monkey:
I was busy in Hell. Negotiating some deals with the Devil.
Jeff:
What does the Devil hate?
Evil Monkey:
Oddly enough, the Devil loves everyone. Which is why I hate him. Or her.
Jeff:
I hate the internet, links to blog entries, facebook, twitter, and youtube.
Evil Monkey:
That's just love subverted. I hate self-righteousness and selfish people and readers who think every story has to be about them.
Jeff:
I hate non-readers, people on the cell phone in quiet places, and poodles. I hate (p)Rick Scott. No, that's not right. I loathe Rick Scott.
Evil Monkey:
I hate people who say "Yes, but." I hate those more awesome than me.
Jeff:
….
Evil Monkey:
But I love Fridays.
Jeff:
Yeah, me too. Can I have some vodka?
Evil Monkey:
No.
Jeff:
Are you going to be around more now?
Evil Monkey:
Now that I'm not hanging out with Drinky Crow so much…yeah, probably.
Jeff:
By the way, I always hated your stupid videos. They suck.
Evil Monkey Hates…And Hates…And Hates… originally appeared on Ecstatic Days on June 3, 2011.
