How (Not) To Make A Video
Another thing that kept me busy over the last couple of weeks was that I was asked to make a short video of me talking about the inspiration for GRAVE MERCY for my publisher's sales meeting. I was excited and thrilled to be asked, until I realized, I'd have to make a video of me talking!!
So just in case any of you are ever asked the same thing, here's how to do it. (Not!)
Have heart palpitations just because of the general excitement of it all.Begin working on a script, because god forbid one should speak off the cuff, even though if you know your subject upside down and backwards.Rewrite the script four times because the first three were too preachy. Really don't need to tell the sales force WHO SPENDS THEIR DAYS SELLING YA BOOKS why this book is relevant to teens.Begin panicking over what to wear.Frantically clean office so that it will only look as if partially drowning in clutter (albeit writerly clutter—books and papers and notebooks. Cool clutter.)Realize you know absolutely nothing about how iMovie works and decide to make a little test run.Become distracted by the fact that, You look like that when you talk?? Gah.Practice real talk five times.Go put on makeup.Get dressed.Put on a little more makeup.Change shirt. Add scarf.Sit in front of camera.Begin taping.Stop taping.Go change scarf.Resume taping.Mess up.Start over.Rinse and repeat at least four times.Decide there is enough raw footage to piece something together and hope the swearing at the flub ups can be cut.Watch raw footage.Decide no one wants to watch a person talk for four whole minutes so scramble around looking for photos that can be overlaid on the video.Learn how to do that.Screw it up seven times.Become distracted by how tight Romeo's breeches are (really, they classify as tights) and wonder where a fig leaf is when you need it most.Decide to crop said breeches in case anyone in the sales meeting is easily distracted.Wonder why that one picture won't resize the way it needs to to.Try to cut out all tongue clacking, lip licking and eye rolling. Wince when you realize it is impossible.Cut too much.Decide to cut that whole section, insert a picture, and do a voice over.Realize you can do that for all the parts where you hate yourself on tape.Wonder why you didn't just do that for the entire thing.Insert a dozen more pictures and two minutes of voice over.Decide it is good enough.Spend an hour trying to figure out how to get the title thing to work the way you want it to.It never does, so settle for second choice of titling effects.Realize it is now dinner time.Call it good.Order pizza. Decide to figure out how to send the mammoth file tomorrow.
So just in case any of you are ever asked the same thing, here's how to do it. (Not!)
Have heart palpitations just because of the general excitement of it all.Begin working on a script, because god forbid one should speak off the cuff, even though if you know your subject upside down and backwards.Rewrite the script four times because the first three were too preachy. Really don't need to tell the sales force WHO SPENDS THEIR DAYS SELLING YA BOOKS why this book is relevant to teens.Begin panicking over what to wear.Frantically clean office so that it will only look as if partially drowning in clutter (albeit writerly clutter—books and papers and notebooks. Cool clutter.)Realize you know absolutely nothing about how iMovie works and decide to make a little test run.Become distracted by the fact that, You look like that when you talk?? Gah.Practice real talk five times.Go put on makeup.Get dressed.Put on a little more makeup.Change shirt. Add scarf.Sit in front of camera.Begin taping.Stop taping.Go change scarf.Resume taping.Mess up.Start over.Rinse and repeat at least four times.Decide there is enough raw footage to piece something together and hope the swearing at the flub ups can be cut.Watch raw footage.Decide no one wants to watch a person talk for four whole minutes so scramble around looking for photos that can be overlaid on the video.Learn how to do that.Screw it up seven times.Become distracted by how tight Romeo's breeches are (really, they classify as tights) and wonder where a fig leaf is when you need it most.Decide to crop said breeches in case anyone in the sales meeting is easily distracted.Wonder why that one picture won't resize the way it needs to to.Try to cut out all tongue clacking, lip licking and eye rolling. Wince when you realize it is impossible.Cut too much.Decide to cut that whole section, insert a picture, and do a voice over.Realize you can do that for all the parts where you hate yourself on tape.Wonder why you didn't just do that for the entire thing.Insert a dozen more pictures and two minutes of voice over.Decide it is good enough.Spend an hour trying to figure out how to get the title thing to work the way you want it to.It never does, so settle for second choice of titling effects.Realize it is now dinner time.Call it good.Order pizza. Decide to figure out how to send the mammoth file tomorrow.
No comments have been added yet.
