Is Compatibility All That and a Bag of Chips?
Most of us buy into the recent ballyhoo surrounding compatibility as selection criteria
for singles. Like moths to the flame, we grab hold of any upfront promise that increases our chances of finding a lifelong true love partner. I remain unconvinced that compatibility matters at all and the placating publicity seems counterintuitive to me.
Our instincts naturally select away from too much compatibility, the classic incest taboo. Most geneticists would argue that our instinctual intelligence has evolved to select genetic diversity in order to increase the next generation's resistance to disease. We are quite good at picking up non-compatible genetic markers through the sights, sounds, smells and tastes of potential love partners.
I would take it one-step further and rally to the camp of modern psychologists who argue that opposites attract. They are referring to personality opposites of course. This may be our perceptual (emotional) level of mind also selecting for an increased strength of offspring. In this case, selecting opposites may result in a more attractive personality and social acceptance by their next generation counterparts. Intellectually the same may hold true. Couples who display diversity in culture, opinion, interests and sense of humor for example, may produce well-versed children who are naturally considered more intelligent by their peers.
The benefits of incompatibility are not just reserved for our offspring. Pair-bonded lovers can enjoy real mental growth that is directly attributable to celebrated differences. For example, consider the emotional level of mind where one partner has an introverted personal preference and the partner has an extroverted preference.
If you are an extrovert about to enter or already in a love relationship with an introvert, be prepared to be underwhelmed over and over again. Too much social stimulation can overwhelm introverts. Try not to push too hard socially, rather slow down and smell the roses over some quite, just the two of you, alone time. Think back to how you felt when you peed your pants in kindergarten or when the fifth grade teacher made fun of you in front of the entire class or when you showed up at the prom with a bunch of pimples on your face. That is how an introvert constantly feels when pushed into social situations and, if you push too hard, the bonds of true love will not form.
Help your introvert to understand the rewards of an expanded social comfort zone by first earning their trust. Let them know that you will be happy to take the spotlight so they won't have to and that you will be willing to retreat when they have had enough social stimulation. Consider that, in order to foster true love with your introvert and reap its benefits, you will have to move more than half way along the social line of connection and help coach them to that point of equilibrium. Remember, their motivation comes from within and you must slowly earn their trust to help them understand how to become a more complete mental human.
Conversely, the introvert must be prepared to be overwhelmed, while at the same time try to be open to new experiences and expand tolerance for social events. Think back to how you felt when you bought home straight "A"s on your report card or when you had your first kiss. You probably did not mind sharing those experiences and excitement and being the focus of attention for a little while. That is how an extrovert feels every second of every day. Help your extrovert realize that not every party is the World's Fair and coach them to understand the value of some time out for self-reflection. Also, consider that, in order to experience the benefits of true love, you will have to move more than half way along the social line of connection and open up your feelings (they may be hurt) to help move your extrovert to a reasonable point of equilibrium. Remember, their motivation comes from the outside world so to earn their trust you will have to let them know that they are worth expanding your social horizons.
I can't speak for everyone but I am pretty sure that I would not want my clone as my life partner.
