Choice (©CageDunn2016)
A sound held him still; he was unable to move in the firmness of the bubble of warmth. Was it a word that was said? Should he ask again? He could have done better last time. He should have done better several times. He knew that now.
It was hard, so hard, to forgive. To move forward, to move up, he had to find that forgiveness, had to let go of the concept of retribution. There were rules. No one was beyond the rules. Even the one who stood on the top step could fall if he disobeyed, or distorted the rules.
“I can do better. You know I can do better. Please. Just one more chance. I’ll do it right. I won’t go the dark way.”
No response. Okay. What could he do or say to improve his chances, to move toward the zone of acceptance, of being complete?
“What is your name?”
He had to think about that. Name? What was a name? The label for this place, or the last place, or the one before that? No. His name for this place, his ‘between’ name, the name that listed his achievements and failures, that mentored new travellers to this prism. His name was . . .
“Endititio – the beginning and end.”
The sound behind him laughed, coughed.
“No. The first journey you took owned that name. Now, you have other names. You did not achieve a single task you set for yourself. You are no longer Endititio. Endititio lost his true name on the first failure and became Ditio. And on his second failure, he became Tio. Who will you be now?”
No. He had to remain whole.
“I am Endititio.”
“NO.” The roar wobbled and shook the membrane. “You failed your task. The task you set for yourself. You failed on the subsequent journey. And the next one. This is your last, if you survive beyond the opening of the gates. Name?”
“My name is Io.”
“You understand now, that this is your last chance. If you fail in your task, if you cannot forgive and move forward, if you choose punishment and retribution, you will not come to this place again?”
“Yes.”
“Are you ready?”
“No.”
“What lesson would you take with you this time, in addition to the previous tasks?”
“I want to know how others overcame the need, the compulsion for revenge. Can I ask that?”
“No. Your task is your own. Your journey is of your own choosing. You must demonstrate your understanding of the lesson on your return, or it is a failure and must be undertaken again, in a more severe form, until the lesson is adequately understood. Think on this: how would you expect a student to demonstrate completion of the task you have set?”
“If I find a way to answer that question, will I be granted permission to continue?”
“No. You have failed the same task three times. The rules are clear. If the lesson is not learned from the task – do not forget you chose your own task – the failure sets the seeker back one more step than the step they commenced from. That is where you are. You were on the fourth step. You chose to take on a task that would escalate you by one step more than the next. You chose the rapid ascent module. You failed the first, the second, and the third time. What circumstances would allow a student to continue in the face of continued failure?”
Io cried.
It was only in this place, at this moment of being, that there was this memory. At the moment of emergence, all memory was left behind, to be picked up at the end of the task. The life form could not truly be expected to learn if they had all the tools and memories of previous lives to call on. Each task had to be unique to the individual’s needs. Endititio, now Io, had chosen the only task that would extend his upward transition by more than one step. Now, he was on the verge of becoming a non-entity, a pre-entity, an unknown mind. The empty vessel. The hardest road. To have the prospect of living so many lives, so many tasks and lessons again and again and again . . .
That was why they did it, why they wiped the memory after so many failures. So the soul could not be disillusioned when reborn.
Enditio, now Io, outlined his understanding. Detailed how the lesson could never be learned by trying, only by teaching others to undertake the task, to be the student and mentor in the same task, to be the link, the tool that opened minds to the possibility, the potential.
“Io is partway to the level of understanding required to continue the task. He may continue. Open the gates.” The new voice boomed through the space, like a gong underwater.
“He may experience the first breath, the first moment of the new life, before returning to undertake the task again.”
