STEIFVATER - please help me! It's my 19th birthday today, which means that I'm legally allowed to down as many beers and shots as my liver can handle (I'm in Canada). The problem is, I don't drink for extremely personal reason that i don't like sharing. Ho

Dear whentheskytouchesthesea,

I also do not drink. 

It is not for any special reason — at least, no reason more special than why I don’t play tennis. I have nothing against tennis. I know how to play tennis. I don’t care if other people play tennis. I myself have even played tennis in the past, enough to know that I don’t really care if I ever play tennis again. I have discovered through thirty-four years of life that I’m just as capable of having a good time if I’m not playing tennis and it’s cheaper to not have tennis equipment.

People don’t seem to care that I don’t play tennis. People seem to care that I don’t drink. A lot. 

They’ve urged me to loosen up, asked if I’m pregnant, guessed that I’m a recovering alcoholic, bought me drinks to sit in front of me, told me one of these days we’re gonna get you drunk and see how fun you really are. 

Sorry, boys, I’ve done the science previously and this is as fun as I get.

I used to explain myself. I had gotten it down to a very short explanation that brought my companions gently to the understanding that I would not be drinking, that I wasn’t judging their drinking and that I was going to have a fine, uninhibited time. 

Now, however, I am thirty-four and crotchety. Now I just order a milk and let them draw their own conclusions. I’m bored with people who think it’s amusing or acceptable to pressure other people into looking like them, whatever looking like them might be at that thematic moment in time. You get to captain your own ship, whentheskytouchesthesea, and that means you and you alone get to decide what you want to put in your body and when and how you want to shed your inhibitions. Anyone who suggests otherwise, even in a jocular, well-meaning way, is actually asking to take the helm of your ship.

And I’ve long since lost interest in letting other people drive.

I suppose you are thinking, as teens often confess to me, that if you appear to be a lousy drinking partner, you will lose your friends. But if their idea of fun is going out drinking and your idea of fun is something else, you were going to wander away from them eventually anyway. The hard fact of friendship is that you need to make time for new friends by first stripping out the people who are using your energy in an unsatisfying way. You have to take that risk of being friendless to make room in your life for others who will be your new best friends.

This has wandered from your question. The answer to your question is: “I’ll have water.”

Happy birthday.

urs,

Stiefvater