Dear Maggie, I saw your post about how to talk about not drinking, and it was so perfect for me. I was wondering if you have any thoughts about surviving college (or life, really) when you're just really not a party person. I also do not drink or go out, a

Dear twelvestripedelephants,

I have always been one thousand years old.

I also am not gifted at social gatherings where the only purpose is to be social. What is it we’re supposed to be doing again? Drinking? Talking? How can you tell when we have drunk and talked enough? 

It’s not that I don’t enjoy humans. I enjoy a lot of them, really. And it’s not that I’m shy — I have grown out of the lurking uncertainty of my youth through constant exposure to large groups of people. What it is is this: I like doing things. I’m not good at sitting around by myself without a project, and being with other people doesn’t change that. Put me in a social gathering where we have a goal — to catch a horse, start a massive fire, play some tunes with musician friends, drive cars in circles — and I have a grand time. I used to think that eventually I would learn how to adult and I would begin to enjoy parties, but now I realize that that’s never going to happen. I’m not going to turn into someone else merely because I become older. I still take new acquaintances to the SPCA instead of restaurants and I still am the first to leave every party.

Where does that leave you as a one-thousand-year old?

In college, I started a band. Brilliant. We had a built in purpose every time we met. Even when things were stressed and we wouldn’t ordinarily have something to talk about, we could throw around ideas for the band. It kept five very different people knitted together through several rocky years, and I’m still friends with my bandmates. 

So that’s what I suggest to you. Look for the clubs and groups that are doing things on campus. If there isn’t one you like, make one. That’s where all the other ancient codgers who don’t know how to party will coagulate. If you need a suggestion, possibly you could look for a dead Welsh king. That works sometimes.

urs,

Stiefvater 

(this is the drinking post)