Self Doubt

December 5th of 2014, I published an anthology Abandoned Places after a couple years worth of work. It was a long process that I loved/hated but in the end, holding that anthology in my hands made it all worth it.

Then it won a Coyotl for best anthology, something I honestly didn't think would happen. (and in many ways, I am still in shock over)

Two days ago I was talking to Ocean Tigrox about his anthology Inhuman Acts. I unfortunately didn't submit to it, and can't shake the feeling while I read it that I really, really should have submitted. It is a fantastic anthology that Ocean put a ton of work into and it came together wonderfully. A pleasure to read.

A couple days ago, I read a glowing review on Inhuman Acts written by a fairly well know writer. It stated much of what I felt towards Ocean's anthology and I was extremely happy for him.

I also got a bit jealous.
And a bit down on myself.

I ended up talking to Ocean about this, and he sounded confused in his emails to me. Why did I feel that way? Sure, I had one less than positive review from a reviewer no one took seriously anymore. (which is a shame, since at one point they were heralded as a damn fine reviewer) But look, Ocean pointed out, you have good reviews! Good ratings!

I reread the reviews and slowly realized I had been doing what all artists do. I had been beating down my own work, looking at the flaws that only I could see and not reminding myself that others thought it was a good anthologies.

And, as Ocean pointed out in his final email on the subject to me, I WON AN AWARD FOR IT!

So here's my take away from all of that. It's okay to be a little jealous of others works. It helps you to push yourself to improve your craft. But also don't forget your own accomplishments. Don't put down work that doesn't deserve it.

You do good work!
Remember that, and take the time to remind yourself of that!
And don't be too hard on yourself.