Don’t objectify me, God dammit!

It has been on my mind for a good long time lately. It bothers me on levels that gets me chastised because I speak out about it and find that apparently, there is something ‘wrong’ with my thinking.

For years, women have been put through the wringer. On the political front we had advocates fighting for our rights to own land, vote and get jobs that did not entail war duty. Feminism is a beautiful thing when used correctly to aid in the growth of equal rights. But the battles are far from over and we still run into things like rape culture, objectification, unfair wages and work-loads in the professional arena, and a host of others. The minute, and I do mean, THE MINUTE a woman is being treated as anything unequal on any level, the Fem-army stands up and they too are joined by the Fem-gents who truly believe in the causes – against rape, against abuse, against objectification, against injustice, against crude sexual exposure, against … you name it.

And I am good with that. I am so good with it, I pee myself with puppy-pleasure every time some silly person [male or female] get their just deserves handed to them on a plate.

But this is not what bothers me. This is not what gets my goat.

See, I have this HUGE thing about cultures and learning about cultures. I have a massive love for tribal ANYTHING. So I posted a video of the NZ festival where they did story telling via dance – like the full Haka and many other dances. It was amazing, it was gorgeous, it was inspirational and it was moving … Then came the comments.

Grown ass women who completely missed the point of my post:

“OH they’re so fucking hot!” and “I’d go tribal for these guys” and “Damn! I’d do them.”

The first thing that came to my mind was: IF this was women, and MEN made those sort of comments … would it have been OKAY? You bet your ass it wouldn’t have. There appear to be a culture among a certain group of females, that makes it ALRIGHT to be crude, rude and derogative towards men – yet these very same women claim they want equal rights. They want to be treated with respect and dignity. They want to be heard.

But men? Oh no, not these guys. If they wanted that, they’d not pose without their shirts. If they wanted that, they’d not be models. If they wanted that, they’d not be putting their hot-hot-hot pictures online. Would they? Surely not. [Does this sound vaguely familiar? Like… things men used against women to justify their horrible behaviour? Maybe? You think?]

I remember one particular friend of mine – very handsome, pretty cool guy and his self-love had him take a few pictures of his beautifully muscled and toned upper body. The message he tried to send was to the younger generation, telling them that they can reach the same results through healthy eating, working out and loving themselves. His message was amazing and his words encouraging … and then the woman found the pictures on his HEALTH website, and the comments had ME cringe. When my friend told the females: Thank you for the wonderful compliments, but I am a married man, with a beautiful daughter and I do not want to be seen in that light…. He was insulted on levels I couldn’t imagine. He was told he is gay [which pissed me off because so what if he actually was?] and couldn’t appreciate a good woman if he was given on by God himself. [I can’t make this shit up!] He was told ‘All men enjoys the sexual attention from women! What is wrong with you? It’s a compliment, take it!’ He was told to ‘Grow a pair of balls and act like a man’. The verbal abuse was so horrible and this from females… Young and old … He took the posts and the pictures down.

Recently, I saw one of those pictures resurfacing on an author’s page. I contacted her and asked her if she has permission to use it, seeing as I know the model and I know his values and I doubt he’d have given it. Her reply?

“He’s a hotty ain’t he?”

I looked at my screen for a long time and eventually told the Author that it is best to get permission to use it – and gave her the FB contact details of my friend. She laughed and said:

“I’m sure he won’t mind, women are throwing themselves at him, I bet. And besides, it is just a teaser – it makes him look good.”

I choked up, I became angry but I walked away from that conversation and reported the image and its use to my mate. He was floored. Upset, angry, and insulted. Not because it was used, but HOW it was used.

But he was afraid …

Not long ago, a female model I work with had a similar problem – but she was backed up in a jiffy. Her pictures were removed and the account of the person using them shut down – the MOB went MAD to help her! [And kudos for doing so too! Of course!]

And here is the reality, as it stared me in the face, stabbed me in the chest and made me wonder what is happening to our world and why the forced reversal is equated to ‘equal rights’.

HE was afraid of the backlash it would cause if he asked her to remove the image – HE was afraid of the damage it may do to his business – HE was afraid of how it would affect his wife [as she has been attacked alongside him – they run their business together – for marrying an ‘egotistical narcissistic dick with masochistic tendencies’ – she was also contacted by several woman claiming an affair!]

This really pisses me off. The unequal distribution of equal rights. See the way I see it – equal means just that. Because we are women, and they are men, it is NOT fair NOR right to objectify them with the level of crudeness we as women ARE capable of. It is not OKAY to grab any male model’s picture and add our smut to it … The same way it is NOT okay to do that to women!

Sure, sex sells – I get that – and yes, erotic writing needs the ‘teasers’  … but here is my plea with those authors.

1. Make sure the person you feature, WANTS to be in that role.

2. Don’t objectify EVERY fucking male image/vid you see.

3. Respect the subject the way you want to be respected.

Equal rights, mean equal for EVERYONE. You are not MORE equal because as a gender we suffered longer under the hands. We are not MORE entitled to ‘let loose’ because we “don’t mean any harm.”

Just don’t do it. Don’t perpetuate the “Big boys don’t cry” or “Take it like a man” culture because realistically, it is as bad as anything projected against women.

To reverse the roles, is not to create equality.  You either stand FOR gender equality, or you stand AGAINST it.

Consent [debatably] is a big player in the game of gender equality and you should consider your role and the message you send out. Me? I’m not playing. Sure, a gorgeous man is a gorgeous man, and I’ll certainly say it out loud and proud – but I will not objectify each and every beautiful image I come across. But imagine you post a picture of your favorite person – let’s say your grown up daughter – who is an athlete and posed in a bather. Now let’s say that image was found by a male author you do not know, and that author puts it in his teaser. Now imagine all the comments…

“She’s hot!”  “I’d bang her!” “OMG who is this! Can I do her?” “Just cover her face, that body can rock my world!”

Not cool right?  But it is OKAY to do that to the guys. Hmmm.

I posted pictures of my baby brother and nephew with a few of their friends -they’re arm-wrestlers – and the comments I received [thank FUCK I monitor my posts diligently] was nothing short of disgusting! These were not models! They were family, with families, wanting to show off their sport and their achievements!

To reverse the roles, is not to create equality.

Think about that, the next time you make one of your ‘typical girly having fun’ comments. Because if you get another dick pic – you may want to look at the message you’re sending too.

It is about equal rights being equal – you don’t want those dick picks – but should you be posting them with the sort of comments you do? How many other women are you introducing to the abusive behaviour of men, by behaving abusively towards them yourself via sexual objectification? Are you helping or enabling the way woman are being treated by the way you treat the subject matter of men and sexuality? [Unintentionally, and for sure it says nothing for the mental capacity of those who take your work as encouragement!] THINK before you POST. Your ‘Ooh I’d do him’ lands some unsuspecting girl/women a dick pic in her inbox … Why?

“Well isn’t that what women wants these days?”

I am not a prude, but I am selective. Be selective. Choose Equal Rights and be part of the Fem Army even if you’re a Fem-Gent. But don’t play double dutch on the standards…

Thank you for making it this far. My rant is over now.

Adri.