Vampires vs Books

There are several surprising similarities between your book and the dark, clandestine Nosferatu.

Let’s start with the fundamentals. Vampires are bloodsucking, demon soul usurpers. They suck you dry and bleed the life out of you. Just like your manuscript! If you’re anything like me, you will have experienced that moment in which the book you are busy working on feels like it’s killing you- slowly and painfully. It sucks every last drop of blood and energy out of you. It steals your soul and leaves you creatively broken and wanting to plunge a stake into your own heart.
Vampires are immortal, and so is your book once you send it out into the world. It will live on forever in some or other form. This can be a good thing, or a bad thing. I often wonder how many authors cringe and hold their heads in embarrassment at the sight of their less than eloquent first novels? Moral of the story, don’t write a crappy first novel! 
Vampires can disappear into thin air, and so can your book when you’re faced with an impending deadline and your computer decides to crash! Never underestimate the cruel, conniving intentions of your Mac or PC. They are out to get you, especially when you’re racing against the clock. In fact, they seem to know exactly when you are panicking and that’s when they strike. (Note; it is vital to always act calm and casual in front of your computer, no matter how dire your situation is. Always present a cool facade and do not let them see your fear.)
A vampire has immense power and super-human strength. A book has the power to change the world and completely influence popular culture. Take Twilight for example, whether you’re a fan of pale, sparkly romantic leads, or of heroines with the personality and backbone of a sea sponge, is irrelevant. But we can all agree that the effect Twilight had on popular culture, was akin to the explosion of a band like the Beatles. (Also, if you throw a hardcover book at someone’s head with just the right amount of force, they will probably be knocked out cold. Possibly even die.)
Vampires are most powerful at night. Oh, how many torturous nights I have stayed awake staring at the ceiling. Fretting, and obsessing and losing sleep over my work in progress. It is in the dark, quietness that my manuscript has the most power to torment me.
And finally, if you throw a book up in the air, it will resemble a bat for a moment or two as it falls back down to the ground. (Ok, that was super-lame, but I’m running out here)

So there you have it. The reasons your innocent looking book, or manuscript, might be as evil and deadly as Dracula’s bloody fangs.

Can you think of any more similarities?