4 Ways to Make Up When You’ve Had a Bad Fight

The fight you had is draining all of your energy and taking up all of your thoughts. Where do you go from here? 

We know that saying the words “I’m sorry” when you’ve had a fight are important. But sometimes, it can be too hard to say! Whether we are completely justified, partially justified, or even totally wrong, there is power in taking ownership of our contribution to a fight and choosing peace. It may not be easy, so let’s explore some of the things you can do before saying “I’m sorry”: 

Choose something bigger. Sometimes it’s not about being right, but about healing the relationship. When you have reached a point where nothing can change and nothing good is going to come out of continued confrontation, it’s time to choose your relationship over this battle. Think back on what is most important to you, and remember your priorities. Hopefully they include a strong relationship with someone you love and who loves you back.

Take some time. Give yourself space from the other person and clear your mind. View yourself from an outsider’s perspective, and list why you might have responded the way you did in this fight. Are you hurting, lonely, frustrated? Be compassionate towards yourself as you come to any realizations, and note the insights you gain into your reasons for fighting. 

Walk in their shoes. Once you’ve gained some empathy for yourself, list all of the ways this person might be under stress, and why they might have acted the way they did. You might feel some of your anger leave, and even a little empathy take its place. 

Keep it simple and sincere. Now that you’ve gone through these steps, you can be authentic in your apology. Start with recognizing your part in the fight, and express understanding for their anger. Be calm, brief and to the point. Most importantly, reaffirm how you feel about your relationship and how important it is to make it a loving one. 

Even after going through this process and offering a heartfelt apology, the other person might not be in the same place as you. Allow them time to process, and gently set boundaries for talking about the issue until you are both in a good place. When the time is right, you can even identify ways to avoid a bad fight in the future, and develop stronger communication to stop these battles before they begin.

 

 

 

- Jennie Swenson, Parent Educator and Positive Youth Development Specialist