4 Things to Know Before You Commit to a Relationship

You are in a new relationship, it is seemingly going well, it is getting serious, yet there is something that is holding you back from making that ultimate commitment.

This is a topic that often brings people into therapy. You are in a new relationship, it is seemingly going well, it is getting serious, yet there is something that is holding you back from making that ultimate commitment. 

Love and Sex are not enough to sustain a long term relationship. This is a mistake so many couples make… thinking love or sex are enough. There are many ingredients that go into a healthy relationship – and love and sex are only two of them. It’s crucial to evaluate other aspects of the relationship that are equally important such as friendship, values, religion, communication skills.

Something feels wrong. It’s important to listen to both your head and your heart when making a commitment. If something feels wrong, it probably is. It’s important to evaluate what is not working well for you. Could this be your own psychological baggage, or is there really a problem in this relationship that needs to be addressed.

Serious unresolved problems while dating will result in serious unresolved problems in marriage. I often hear, ‘we were unsure if we wanted children while we were dating, and I just assumed it would work itself out when we became married.’ This is an all too common trap that we must beware of. Couples need to discuss crucial life issues such as whether they want to have children, views on religion, values, and economics prior to saying ‘I do”.

Don’t fall in love with someone’s potential. Unfortunately this is an all too common trap. We must be aware that sad as it is, often what we see is what we get. If your partner has a drinking or drug problem, is an underachiever or underemployed, is a jealous person, has anger issues, or is emotionally unavailable – stop, drop and roll! These problems need to be addressed and resolved before you make that commitment.

- RACHEL A. SUSSMAN, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert, writer and lecturer with a private practice in New York City. For more information visit http://www.sussmancounseling.com