3 Tricks for Saying No

Your coworker or friend comes to you AGAIN. “Could you fix this for me?” she asks, expecting you to drop what you’re doing, rush over, and handle her computer glitch. You wouldn’t have a problem with this if it wasn’t the third time this week. Except, you like to help out and you don’t want to say “no.”

In truth, you want to say “no,” you just don’t know how and “sure” slips out your mouth so easily. After all, you’re a problem-solver. Give you a task and you handle it.  Give you a goal and you turn on the energy.

However, this week you’re working past five every night when your coworkers are leaving on time. You’re doing so much work for others that you’re not getting your own work done. Your very strength, your achieving, problem-solving energy makes saying "no" difficult.  

What happens if you say “yes” when “no” was wiser?  Too many yes’s swamp you and your own work quality, productivity, or job satisfaction drops. 

If you’d like to say “no” when it’s in your best interest, try these strategies. 

Short-circuit your “yes” response by asking one question
You probably say “sure” or “yes” first and ask questions later. Once you’re committed, you may find yourself surprised by the task’s complexity or the time commitment you’ve obligated yourself into. Sometimes you seethe resentfully, know that your coworker’s taking advantage of you.  

If you instead ask, “What do you have in mind?” or “What would be involved?” you learn what you’re taking on before you commit.  These questions also give you the ammunition necessary to turn some of your coworkers’ requests down. For example, if someone asks you to join a committee and you ask, “What time commitment is needed?”, you might learn, “A meeting a week for a month.” Now you can respond, “That’s more than I can handle, could I instead be a resource to your committee. I don’t know if I can squeeze that many meetings into an already crammed schedule.” 

Asking questions such as, “How much time would be involved?” and “What else would be involved in that commitment?” also tells your coworker or friend you’re considering the request. Saying “no” after fleshing it out lets the requester down more gently than an immediate, “I can’t help you, I’m sorry.” 

Consider the consequences
Next, learn to pause and consider the consequences of saying either “yes” or “no.” By assessing consequences, you prevent yourself from saying “yes” before you look at what a “yes” does to you and your workload.

If you say “yes” to a co-worker, will it divert you from the priorities your boss expects you to accomplish? Those who say “yes” too often sell their own job and priorities short. This doesn’t mean you can flatly say “no” to every request. Sometimes you’ll want to help out, and a “yes” will develop your talents or create growth for you company.

Honesty counts, as does a partial “yes”
When you do say “no,” say it directly.  While you can give a brief, convincing explanation so your friend or coworker understands the reason for your “no,” avoid excuses. Others see through them. 

You can also provide a partial “yes.” For example, if you’re a supervisor and an employee asks to be sent to training, on company time, you can say, "We can’t afford that.  However, if you go on your own time, we'll pay half the cost of the seminar." 

The bottom line— you’re in charge of your “sure.”

 

 

 

 

© 2016, Lynne Curry, executive coach and author of Solutions and Beating the Workplace Bully. Follow her @lynnecurry10 or on www.workplaceocoachblog.comor on www.bullywhisperer.com™

 

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