3 Ways to Deal with Anger When it Gets the Best of You

When their company was bought Ann and Stewart had the opportunity to be a part of a much larger organization. Both were extremely good at their work, and their revenues each year kept hitting the targets that had been set. Then something began to happen that was troubling to Ann. The leadership in the new organization began giving Stewart larger deals and opportunities. This changed the balance of their results. 

After a while Ann began to think she was in an “old boys club,” and felt a mounting anger and resentment towards Stewart for the “special treatment” he was receiving. She determined that for some reason, “the old boys club” held her with less regard, less respect. How could she best address this situation?

Realizing you can’t get “there” from anger
While Ann’s anger and resentment were warranted, in order to be effective in addressing her situation she realized the following: “I saw that I had to face the anger I was feeling and help myself get past it and change it into something constructive.”

Letting go
When anger shows up it is a useful signal. But when it is allowed to fester it becomes toxic – for us and for others. Ann saw that her anger and resentment had become toxic for her. She saw how it was displacing her ability to intervene effectively on her own behalf.  She faced her anger, she faced how reluctant she had been to let go of it, and she saw that there were people she could ask for support. 

Finding an outcome worth having
Ann identified someone in “the old boys club” she could talk to; someone who she’d forgotten had a great deal of respect for her. She decided to convey her love of her work, her commitment to doing the very best she could in support of the organization’s growth and future, and then ask for his support – all conveyed in a warm, constructive way. She would let him know that she would welcome the opportunity to work on one of the larger deals.

To address a problem from anger and resentment puts people on the defensive. It’s not that the anger and resentment aren’t warranted, it’s that you can’t be effective from “there.” You have to face the anger, not let it fester, and turn it into a result worth having.

 

 

 

 

 

Jane Firth, M.Sc., career coach and founder and President of Firth Leadership Partners