H.A. Larson's Blog, page 16

Going Barefoot

I'm on my feet a lot. Between my walking goal of 100 miles a month and my obsessive love of hiking, my feet are, literally, put through their paces. Since I use my feet so much, I've been conscious about taking good care of them. This is even more true due to the fact that I have flat feet.
See, having flat feet has meant that I have a host of issues that stem from it, such as overpronation, Morton's Neuroma, lower back pain, and sciatic nerve issues. These last three, in particular, create problems when I hike or walk past a certain distance. 
I was told by a few people that I would need "surgery" or "orthopedic footwear" and I thought, "Those are my only options?" I always strive to fix issues naturally whenever possible, and this time was no different. I started doing some research and came across minimalist footwear. The more I read about it, the more I learned. Minimalist footwear allows your feet to walk as if you're barefoot and allow your toes to spread out. The shoes I have been wearing for years to walk and hike in, in particular, have cushioned, raised soles, higher heels, and arch support that completely cradle my feet. While this sounds pretty great on the surface, what it really means is that I'm not standing flat-footed, ever, so my center of gravity was always off. On top of that, my feet were so flat that I had ZERO arches - hence the arch support in my shoes (and my socks!) and my supportive shoes didn't really allow my arch muscles to do anything. Well, the research showed me that if I wore minimalist shoes, that over time my arch would come back? Say what?! Yes, if you think about it, it makes sense. Think of it like this: if you work out your arm muscles, they get big and strong, and if you quit working out your arm muscles, they go back to being weaker. So, if I wore shoes with no support and allowed my arch muscles to actually do the job they were intended for, then they should come back. Right?



In July of last year, I decided to give the minimalist shoes a try. I started off with this pair of sandals. Flat as hell with no support and a paper-thin sole. Every tiny pebble I walked on hurt my feet. It was a hard, sometimes painful, adjustment but I was determined to fix my feet.
 I wish I had taken a close-up of my feet, but this picture shows me the first time in these shoes. You can tell that my feet are flat. They are squished to the ground like a pancake and my toes are all pointing inward from years of tapered shoes. It didn't take long for me to get a pair of minimalist tennis shoes and hiking boots as well.



These are my feet six months later. You can see how big of a difference there is between the two photos. My feet are defined and muscular, and you can see how I have some arches again! My toes are also more spread out, as they were when I was born. My son even commented, "Mom, your feet have arches!" I can definitely feel it now when I go hiking as I can do several miles and not have the usual issues pop up. Of course, I have yet to do a hike longer than 5 miles since this last photo was taken. I've also noticed that when I stop on rocks and things, it doesn't bother my feet as much, so my soles have gotten tougher.
I now own several kinds of minimalist shoes for every occasion. I'll take pictures of my feet a year in so you can see how much of a difference there may be and I'll keep you posted on how well I can do major hikes. I still support the idea of wearing proper shoes...it's just that now the kind of shoe is different. 
If you're interested in trying out minimalist, zero-drop shoes for yourself, I highly recommend Xero Shoes. Start gradually and work your way up, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Heading into a Busy Period

 

Spring is upon us and, while it's possible to get that one last freak snowstorm, I'm engaged in Spring things. I started the process a few months ago, but I'm fully invested in Spring cleaning. While this is something I do every year - getting rid of unwanted items and doing heavy cleaning projects - this year is a bit different. This time, Spring cleaning holds a new purpose and a new meaning.
Next month, I'll be moving into a gorgeous, updated, and modern-looking apartment that's almost the same size as the rental house I've lived in for nearly 11 years. This means, of course, that I have 11 years' worth of crap to divvie up with the ex, decide on what to keep, and either sell or give away the rest. Truth be told, I'm not taking a whole lot from here, but rather I'm going to get new-to-me items. It will be the first time in more than two decades that I have my very own place and I'm soooo excited. 
I already have different living room furniture worked out, and I'm planning the layout in my head. I've always wanted a wine rack, so I found a Groupon for a fantastic deal on good wines and after I picked out my wines, I scoured Craigslist for a wine rack to hold them all. I was super-successful in this endeavor and it all just adds to my excitement. You guys know me, though, so you know that I'm striving to find free hand-me-downs or gently-used items that I can purchase inexpensively. 
Before I move, however, I have some things to do. First, I'm wrapping up my last week at my second job next week. This, of course, means that I can have my nights and weekends back, but more importantly, that I will have paid off my debt! This is also exciting news as I can move forward with my daughter without that hanging over my head. I also have a couple of writing gigs to complete.
After my last shift at my second job, I'll have about a week to pack and get ready to fly with my daughter to Texas to visit my Mom for a week. I had enough points from credit card churning to get the flights for free and since it's my daughter's spring break that week, we wanted to go somewhere warm. It will also mean free lodging and a chance to visit my mom and my grandma. We're actually going to do some real tourist things this time, something I haven't gotten to do much of during my visits to the Lone Star State. I'm looking forward to my first traveling of this year.
When I return, I will start cleaning out the house and have one of three planned garage sales. I can start moving into my new place on April 16th, so my daughter and I will lug smaller items over when we have time. April will be busy cleaning, selling, and moving. 
On May 1st, my friends and family will gather with trailers to help me move the rest of my items into my new place. I'll spend the rest of that weekend and the following weeknights getting my apartment together. Our lease on the old house is up at the end of May, so we'll spend time getting it super-cleaned, make any minor repairs, and finish getting rid of or moving the remaining items. I'm grateful to have that month and a half span to move and finalize everything.
May will be busy for that reason, but also because I have an event every single weekend planned - sometimes things just work out that way. I'm looking forward to June when my daughter will go with my parents on a trip to Missouri and leave me a week of alone time in my apartment to relax and enjoy some much-needed downtime. 
While I'm going to be busy for the next few months, I'm thrilled about all of it. A new life waits around the corner and I'm more than ready.

My FIRE Journey: How I Paid Off over 20k in Debt

If you have ever been in debt, or are currently in debt, you know how it can often feel like you're drowning. I was drowning in January of last year when I knew I wanted to get divorced and had to sit down and figure out the financial reality of that. What I discovered was that I had more debt than I should. Dejected, I knew I couldn't go out into the world as a single mom with all that debt, so I hatched a plan to pay it off and stay debt-free. 
Here's what I did, in order:
1. The first thing I did was to consolidate my credit card debt. I got a loan that had a significantly lower interest rate than my credit cards, and I used that loan to pay off the cards. Not only was I saving a boatload in interest, but it was easier and convenient to make one lone payment each month. Unfortunately, I had to use a couple of my cards again for a couple of major car repairs and things of that nature, so I still accumulated some credit card debt after. 
2. I made higher than the minimum payment on every debt I had. In some cases, it wasn't much, but every little bit helped. For instance, if I had a minimum card payment of $35, I would make $100 payments. This way you save on interest and pay things off quicker.
3. We didn't get anything in the way of an income tax refund, so I applied both sets of stimulus money (from Covid relief) we received to pay towards debt. We (my ex-husband and I) were both fortunate enough to continue to work our jobs from home, so we didn't need the stimulus to pay our everyday expenses. We used it, then, for this purpose as well. However, if I had received an income tax refund, every cent would have been thrown at debt.
4. By August, I had decided to pursue FIRE, and I realized that at the rate we were going, that we wouldn't be able to pay off our debt within the timeframe we wanted. So, I picked up a second job working 20-25 hours per week. I put EVERY cent I made from that second job to pay off debt and it started a rapid pay off of that debt. 
5. As the debt got smaller, I put more money against it. Quite simply, every debt that got paid off made our monthly expenses smaller. This meant that I had increasingly more funds left over after paying bills, so, in addition to my pay from my second job, I was paying as much as I could from our regular paychecks as well. For example, I would pay off a debt that I was paying $100 on each month. Instead of just spending that extra $100, I would apply it to the next debt I was paying off. Each debt I paid off meant more money getting thrown at the next debt. By the time I got down to my last debt - the loan I mentioned in the first point - I was paying around $1200 a month on it. 

By the time this month is over, I will have paid around $23,000 off in debt. So, what did I pay off? Everything I could find! I literally figured out everything that had a debt attached to it and paid it off. Here's what they were:
* Credit card consolidation loan* Credit cards that had a balance on them* My car loan* A couple of doctor bills that I had been making small monthly payments on for years* The balance of the cost of our cell phones* A couple of monthly installment plans I had from when I purchased outdoor gear

I can remember when I started this journey how constricted our monthly budget felt, and how we just never seemed to have enough money. I was also feeling so disappointed because I always espoused using credit cards in a responsible manner. But, while I said this, I also said that cards can be useful when you're going through hard times. For a few years, only I worked, and I didn't make a lot of money. Supporting a family of four on one small income was a daunting and nearly impossible task that only worked because I used credit cards to get us by. As things got better financially and as we inched towards divorce, I was able to do what was needed to do to create a plan and stick to it in order to be debt-free. It's amazing to see how much money is truly left over after paying bills each month and with that comes feelings of relief and security.
If you're wanting to pay off your own debt, start today. I'm living proof that you can do it, and do it on a smaller income. Are you working on paying off debt? Let me know in the comments!







 

How I Paid Off over 20k in Debt

If you have ever been in debt, or are currently in debt, you know how it can often feel like you're drowning. I was drowning in January of last year when I knew I wanted to get divorced and had to sit down and figure out the financial reality of that. What I discovered was that I had more debt than I should. Dejected, I knew I couldn't go out into the world as a single mom with all that debt, so I hatched a plan to pay it off and stay debt-free. 
Here's what I did, in order:
1. The first thing I did was to consolidate my credit card debt. I got a loan that had a significantly lower interest rate than my credit cards, and I used that loan to pay off the cards. Not only was I saving a boatload in interest, but it was easier and convenient to make one lone payment each month. Unfortunately, I had to use a couple of my cards again for a couple of major car repairs and things of that nature, so I still accumulated some credit card debt after. 
2. In the beginning, I made higher than the minimum payment on every debt I had. In some cases, it wasn't much, but every little bit helped. For instance, if I had a minimum card payment of $35, I would make $100 payments. This way you save on interest and pay things off quicker.
3. We didn't get anything in the way of an income tax refund, so I applied both sets of stimulus money (from Covid relief) we received to pay towards debt. We (my ex-husband and I) were both fortunate enough to continue to work our jobs from home, so we didn't need the stimulus to pay our everyday expenses. We used it, then, for this purpose as well. However, if I had received an income tax refund, every cent would have been thrown at debt.
4. By August, I had decided to pursue FIRE, and I realized that at the rate we were going, that we wouldn't be able to pay off our debt within the timeframe we wanted. So, I picked up a second job working 20-25 hours per week. I put EVERY cent I made from that second job to pay off debt and it started a rapid pay off of that debt. 
5. As the debt got smaller, I put more money against it. Quite simply, every debt that got paid off made our monthly expenses smaller. This meant that I had increasingly more funds left over after paying bills, so, in addition to my pay from my second job, I was paying as much as I could from our regular paychecks as well. For example, I would pay off a debt that I was paying $100 on each month. Instead of just spending that extra $100, I would apply it to the next debt I was paying off. Each debt I paid off meant more money getting thrown at the next debt. By the time I got down to my last debt - the loan I mentioned in the first point - I was paying around $1200 a month on it. 

By the time this month is over, I will have paid around $23,000 off in debt. So, what did I pay off? Everything I could find! I literally figured out everything that had a debt attached to it and paid it off. Here's what they were:
* Credit card consolidation loan* Credit cards that had a balance on them* A couple of doctor bills that I had been making small monthly payments on for years* The balance of the cost of our cell phones* A couple of monthly installment plans I had from when I purchased outdoor gear

I can remember when I started this journey how constricted our monthly budget felt, and how we just never seemed to have enough money. I was also feeling so disappointed because I always espoused using credit cards in a responsible manner. But, while I said this, I also said that cards can be useful when you're going through hard times. For a few years, only I worked, and I didn't make a lot of money. Supporting a family of four on one small income was a daunting and nearly impossible task that only worked because I used credit cards to get us by. As things got better financially and as we inched towards divorce, I was able to do what was needed to do to create a plan and stick to it in order to be debt-free. It's amazing to see how much money is truly left over after paying bills each month and with that comes feelings of relief and security.
If you're wanting to pay off your own debt, start today. I'm living proof that you can do it, and do it on a smaller income. Are you working on paying off debt? Let me know in the comments!







 

Hikes on Warm, Snowy Days

After the bitter cold snap that saw record, freezing temperatures and tons of snow, the weather warmed back up in a rapid 180. The past few weeks have been pleasant and the snow is nearly gone. Right when the cold snap ended, my part-time job cut everyone's hours (business slowed after all the holidays had passed), so I took advantage of these two things to spend as much time outdoors as possible. 



Of course, rapidly warming temperatures after freezing cold and snowy temperatures means sloppy mud and ice everywhere so I took walks - as opposed to hiking - in places where I could still be out in nature while avoiding treacherous hiking conditions.




It felt so wonderful to be outside, surrounded by trees and sunshine with the occasional bird singing in the background.




One of my stops was out at a bird refuge and I always enjoy seeing the variety of winged critters.




I even got my daughter out of her teenager pit (i.e. her room) to enjoy a bit of fresh air and sunshine.

Of course, it's warmed up even more in the preceding week, and I didn't wear a jacket once yesterday. While I was working, it was nice to see people in shorts and tank tops purchasing items for grilling and chilling. I'm looking forward to the 70 degrees temperature expected today - for the first time in months - where I plan on taking an actual hike. I noticed that the ground has dried up considerably so this should make for some prime hiking. I'm so excited to get back to the grind after a deep cold period where I spent all my free time working.
Have a wonderful Sunday and enjoy it!

Basic Financial Fitness: How to Survive a Recession

 

There's been a lot of talk in the financial world, for months now, about whether a "Great Recession" will happen or not. There's no way to know for absolutely sure and experts are divided, but it begs a question: Are you ready for a great recession?
Before we dive into that, let's answer another question: What is a recession? Simply put, a recession is when an economy takes a nosedive. This in turn drives down prices for goods, people lose their jobs increasing unemployment, inflation & interest rates go down, and the stock market loses value. If you remember how financially scary things were when the housing market destroyed the American economy from 2007-2009 then you should know that that was a textbook great recession. With the onset of the global pandemic last year, we've seen all these things going into play, which leaves the door open for a new great recession to take place.
So, how can you prepare for one? The first thing you should do is NOT wait to prepare - start now. Here's what you should be doing (if you aren't already):
1. Pay off any bad debt you have ASAP. Obviously, this doesn't apply to mortgages, but if you have credit card debt, doctor's bills, or anything else of the like, get it paid off. If you can't pay it off, pay it down as aggressively as is feasible. 
2. Start that emergency fund. Start putting away as much money as you can. You should have no less than three months' worth of bill money saved up. 
3. Start stockpiling shelf-stable food items. Buy cheap canned vegetables, canned fruits, instant mashed potatoes, pantry staples like flour, sugar, coffee, candy, and even some booze. 
4. Start stockpiling household goods and supplies. Keep plenty of shampoos, conditioners, body soap, toothpaste, laundry soap, feminine supplies, deodorant, and anything else you can think of. Dollar Tree sells all this stuff pretty cheap, so it's easy to stock up on the cheap stuff. It will get you by.
5. Have a few games and books around. It gives you something to do, keeps your mind off things, and prevents you from spending money going out to do things. Throw a game and potluck night with your friends once a week.
6. Don't spend money on unnecessary things. If you're looking at a big-ticket item, hold off for now. Only spend money on the aforementioned things. After that, only what's necessary.

Will we have a great recession? I don't know, but you don't want to be stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you start preparing yourself now, you can be ready if a recession takes place. And if a recession doesn't happen, well, then you can breathe easy and still be in a better position than you were before. There's sure nothing wrong with that.

Closing Another Chapter

 

Books are often a metaphor for life, mine being no exception - maybe even more so seeing as I'm a writer. Having said that, I'm closing the chapter on the last twenty years of my life and starting a new one. Much like seeing the Sun on the horizon, it's the beginning of a new day, and the possibilities are endless. It took a lot of time, contemplation, and rough days to make it here, but I made it regardless.
So many things have changed - and continue to change - that it almost feels surreal. If you would've told me five years ago that in five years I'd be divorced, that I'd be halfway to being an empty-nester, that I'd have a career that I love, that I'd be almost debt-free, that I'd be moving into my own place, and that I'd finally be pursuing my dreams, I wouldn't have believed you. For sure, I would've wanted those things to happen, but I felt so trapped at the time that it would not have seemed possible. 
Yet, here I am, moving in exactly the direction I could have only dreamed about five years ago. The peace and happiness I feel are immeasurable. Indeed, I finally, truly feel like myself again and it's oh-so-good to be back. Even better, this is having a ripple effect on my life, leading me to treat my physical health better, to start writing in earnest again, and to have better relationships with those closest to me. 
I'm excited for my future and all the possibilities it holds. No looking back, only looking forward.


I hope you're having a great week and looking forward to the weekend. I'm working, once again, on a book I started after The Box and it's going to be a fun ride. I'll be posting an excerpt within the next few months, so make sure you stay tuned for that!

The Write Life: Back in the Saddle

 

Good morning and welcome to the Write Life! It's been a few weeks since my last post, but working a lot of hours every week at two jobs doesn't leave me a lot of extra time. Fortunately, my second job has slowed hours for the next few months, which happen to be my last few months. It's a nice breather that has allowed me much-needed time to ease back into my writing life. 
I've written a few articles for Slime&Grime as well as an editorial for a state group's newsletter. I also dusted off one of the books I have in various stages of completion and am working out the plot details. If I'm still grooving on it, I'm going to dive back in. Either that or I will look through another of the books I've started, or I might just start a new book altogether.
I have been busy working on a book, but it's a different kind of book. It's a short book about basic urban prepping, another topic close to my heart. I feel that it's always better to be overprepared than underprepared and I've been a prepper for years. Not an extreme one, mind you, but a minimalist one. And, since I live in the city, prepping can take on a different quality and tone. I'll definitely keep you updated on its progress.
One significant thing I've done in recent weeks was to take a look at my already-published books. Every once in a while, I decide it's time they all get a new cover. Putting a new cover on a book is not only easy in the self-publishing world, but a quick way to breathe new life into an old book. This is nothing new for me as I have done this three times previously with each book. Here's how I updated The Box:



Cool, huh? 

I think my biggest cover difference was for The Melody. I never really did like any of the covers I made for that book, so I really feel like this one, finally, suits it best! Take a look:



What do you think? Let me know in the comments. 
If you want to take a look at my other updated covers, head over to the My Body of Work section of this blog. There, you can also find the links to all my books if you're interested in reading any of them!

So, it appears that I truly am back in the saddle again. It's been such a long, hard road to get back here, but after the journey, I really feel like myself again. Thanks to you all for sticking with me all these years, through thick and thin. Your support and encouraging words in comments, messages, and emails have meant the world to me! I'll be posting on my regular schedule again starting next week. Until then, Happy Friday, and have a great weekend!

The Art of Being Unhappy

 

A picture that does NOT make me unhappy.

I was reading an article not long ago and a quote from it really stood out to me. I don't remember it exactly, but the gist of it was about being distracted by your unhappiness. Why it stood out to me was because it resonated with me in a deep way. I, myself, have been so distracted by my own unhappiness, that it was hard to do much of anything for a few years. Even now, it can be difficult to move past it at times.
This got me thinking about how I tend to dwell on the negative, which I imagine plays into or is a result of the distraction that my unhappiness causes. Oddly enough, when I finished that article, I read another one that talked about how to make changes in your life that are positive and how your own negativity is preventing you from achieving your goals. 
Between these two articles, I realized that being unhappy had become like an art form for me, making it easier to perpetuate a seemingly neverending stream of unhappiness. The unhappiness positions me to be negative, which then prevents me from reaching dreams. Not all of them, mind you, but a few of them for sure.
Does this mean I don't have legitimate reasons for being unhappy? Definitely not. Shitty things happen and it's okay to feel down about it. What I've learned, however, is that I can't dwell on those things for very long or the unhappiness cycle will start. My best bet, then, is to give myself some time to deal with the issue - not a lot but enough to think through it - and then move on. This is a healthy balance that allows me to tackle problems without bottling them up for an explosion later.
I also decided that since I've addressed my distraction on my unhappiness, that I need to do other things that can help me combat it. To head it off at the pass, if you will. There are many things that a person can do to achieve this, but I've settled on the ones that I feel will work best for me. Let me explain them briefly:

1. I Started Keeping a Gratefulness Journal
Dwelling on the negative things in my life can detract from all the positive things. I figured that if I shifted my focus from thinking about negative things to positive things, that it would shed some light on the fact that my life is pretty great. Putting down those great things where I can see and read them whenever I want is a fantastic reminder. I happened to have a cute journal I had purchased several years ago and had only made a few entries, so it was perfect for this purpose. Right there I had my first grateful thing: something I wanted, I already had.

2. I Set an End Date for my Second Job
I picked up a second job back in August of last year to help me pay off all my debt, with the exception of my student loans. While I found a bright side to working that second job, after several months of working many hours a week and sacrificing my nights and weekends, I'm ready to be done. My mood going to my second job used to be upbeat, but lately, I find myself loathing it. Fortunately, I'm almost done paying off that debt, so I calculated when I can give notice and quit. This has perked up my mood significantly as I can see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

3. I Quit Being Lazy About Stuff
This is a recurring issue that I have. Every day, I have a morning and a night face routine, as well as three supplements I take. I often find myself being lazy and will end up only doing my morning face routine - if that. These are all simple tasks and not doing them over time leads to feelings of failure. I've made a concerted effort to stay on top of these daily, and I've taken steps to help me stay on track. They may be simple, but they mean a lot. Self-care is one way to feel happier, both mentally and physically.

4. I Quit Beating Myself up About Things
I am my own worst critic, and I can often loathe myself for my failings. For instance, I became a vegan in 2015, but over the past couple of years, I've found myself slipping into eating dairy and eggs (by way of baked goods) more often than I cared to admit. I kept it to myself and would berate myself for this a few times a week. Eventually, I just realized that I am solidly a vegetarian and that I should just embrace it. I eat a vegan 90% of the time and the other 10% I eat some cheese and dairy. And you know what? That's okay.
I also decided to quit beating myself up about gaining back some weight over quarantine. It happens. In that vein, I made a vow to not worry if I decided to overindulge one day. It's not enough to bring down the whole boat.
I don't beat myself up for not writing like I used to, either. It is what it is, whatever that looks like on any given day, and I've accepted that. I can't and won't push myself into anything I'm not ready for. When and if I'm ready to thrust myself back into writing furtively, then I will.

5. I Decided that my Mental and Physical Health are Incredibly Important
This item goes hand in hand a bit with the last two items. I saw how far I had fallen off the wagon this time and made yet another vow to climb back on. This time, I'm not dieting but rather I am putting my mental and physical health first. How am I supposed to accomplish all the things I want in life if I feel like crap in body and mind? I now spend time preparing myself healthy foods instead of just grabbing whatever is easy and convenient. Even if it's just a few extra minutes that I don't feel like I have in the morning, I do it anyway. The end result is that I eat better. When I eat better, I feel better, and when I feel better I feel more confident and happy.

6. I Decided to Not take Abuse from Anyone
This includes me. When I'm unhappy, I'm not as confident, making it easier to be a pushover. I knew right away that I needed to end this kind of behavior - whether it's coming from someone else or from me - dead in its tracks whenever it happens. Doing this boosts me up mentally, and helps me with my confidence. And having confidence can lead to feelings of happiness.

As you may have noticed, you see the same words a handful of times during this post. Words like confidence, feelings, and health. There's a reason for this: they are some of the components of a happy life. When you have confidence, acknowledge & deal with your feelings, and make your health a priority, you're bound to be happy. While every day is a challenge - after all, it's not easy to enmesh oneself in daily habits - I am more than ready for it. My well-being and my future depend on it.

Sometimes You Just Have to Make Your Own Dreams Come True

 A good friend of mine is always on the lookout for Prince Charming. She's always hunting for that one guy who's going to swoop in, get rid of her problems, and make her dreams come true. This has been going on for years and, needless to say, she always comes up disappointed. There are a few reasons as to why this is, but they detract from the point. 
If you rely on someone else to make your dreams come true, you're going to be frustrated and disappointed - just like my friend. Why? Because you're basically hoping for a miracle. Is there someone out there who can make your dreams come true? Maybe, but more than likely not. 
Having such a fantasy is also unrealistic and will put high expectations on anyone you do end up dating. It's okay to have expectations, but they need to be realistic. After all, you wouldn't want to have expectations of you that aren't reasonable either, so don't put them on anyone else.
Relying on someone else to realize your dreams also takes away from your own strengths and abilities. You're basically telling the world that you're incapable of doing things without someone else's help. You doom yourself to a life of sadness and not realizing your own potential by thinking like this. 
When I was married, I had a handful of years where I had high hopes that the two of us would realize my dreams. My dreams. Let that sink in. The truth of the matter is, sometimes you just have to make your own dreams come true. I came to this realization, so that's what I'm doing. Working on my own dreams not only gives me strength and focus, but it allows me to do exactly what I need to do in order to achieve my goals. 
I don't need anyone else to help me realize my dreams, and neither does my friend. She just doesn't realize it yet.