Betty Adams's Blog, page 79
July 2, 2018
Humans Are Weird - Pronking
Humans Are Weird – Pronking“Yeah my kids back home do that all the time,” the human on the screen was saying with a smile. “The girls do it more than the boys though.”
“As you can see the behavior is near universal in the species,” the behavioral anthropologist explained as he paused the video. “However when asked to explain it-” he waved his manipulators to indicate the screen as it resumed playing.
“Why?” The human asked as its face wrinkled with that bizarre, fleshy movement that defined all of the endoskeleton species. “I don’t know, it’s fun I guess?”
“Fun,” Quilx’tch said. “The universal catch-answer humans have for all questions beginning in why.”
“Indeed,” the behavioral anthropologist agreed. “However I have a working theory that explains it!”
Quilx’tch fought the urge to tighten his legs under him in irritation. Why was he here? He was here to offer social support to his fellow anthropologist. The same he expected to receive when he went on about nutrients levels in chicken soup, so he gamely focused on graphs and data his coworker displayed.
“You have a theory that explains the human behavior of skipping?” Quilx’tch asked politely.
The behavioral anthropologist clicked eagerly and summoned two more screens. Quilx’tch watched as the previous screen of one of the younger soldiers on the base moving across the exercise ground. He was neither walking nor running. Instead he was using every alternating bipedal step to thrust himself up against the pull of the gravity well.
“Skipping must require a lot of calories,” Quilx’tch observed.
“A massive expenditure,” his coworker agreed. “And here is a very similar behavior that the humans recorded in a wild and domestic animals.”
Quilx’tch ran his primary eyes over the displays.
“But those are quadrupeds,” Quilx’tch pointed out. “And have completely different diets. They rely on-“
“Yes, yes!” The behavioral anthropologist waved a hand dismissively. “But the differences in structure only serve to display the similarity in behavior!”
Quilx’tch bristled in shock at the abrupt dismissal. The rudeness was, well it was human, Quilx’tch remembered with a release of tension. His coworker had been among the humans the longest. It was only logical that he had picked up a few of their quirks. Quilx’tch refocused on the screens.
“All three behaviors involve needlessly thrusting up against the central gravity well,” Quilx’tch summarized. He gave a short hop to demonstrate.
“Yes!” his coworker enthused. “And the humans have already described and explained the behavior in other species but!” He held up his primary manipulator. “They have not thought to apply it to themselves!”
Quilx’tch kept his primary eyes on the behavioral anthropologist but snuck a pair of legs under his abdomen to begin lightly tapping on the keyboard he projected there. He found himself once more grateful for learning to divide his attention so well in academy.
“And then I discovered the age gap!” his coworker went on eagerly. “Human young display the behavior near constantly but adults only display it when they are alone or when they think there is a minimal chance of being observed by other species!”
Quilx’tch gave an absent click of confirmation as the other went on.
“And then the mass division is quite clear among adult humans. With and inverse correlation between mass and frequency of skipping.”
The behavioral anthropologist paused and looked eagerly at Quilx’tch, this time waiting the appropriate time for a response. Quilx’tch stretched a bit and then settled down again.
“I am a nutritional,” he finally said. “I can draw no conclusions from your most excellent research data my friend.”
“It is pronking!” the behavioral anthropologist said with a happy titter. “The humans pronk just as much as the wild quadrupeds.”
“So your theory is that humans skip to convince predators that the caloric expenditure of catching them would exceed the caloric gain of eating them?” Quilx’tch asked.
“Indeed!” his coworker said brightly.
“I see,” Quilx’tch said, tapping a manipulator against the floor thoughtfully. “That does seem logical.”
His coworker took that as encouragement to go on and Quilx’tch slipped his legs back under his abdomen with a vexed click of his mandibles. He had reports to get done.
July 1, 2018
Strange Commentary
People comment on things that are odd. If you do something odd people will point it out to you. This is part of the systemization humans use to determine what will kill them or not. If you do odd thing regularly you will get regular comments. If you do the same thing regularly you will find a pattern in the comments that you can use to analyze your behavior.Apparently (from the comments I get from Superintendents and Crew Leads and random tourists) it is “not normal” to suddenly appear out of the forest a significant distance from trail heads and road ends.
“So you just…work out in the forest?” *looking around nervously*
“*bleep* Adams! Where’d you come from?” *jumping into the air*
“So…what are you doing?” *edging away nervously*
And an endless list of odd looks of course.
I was just wondering if I should start collecting ominous, deadpan one-liners to facilitate the experience of the surreal.
“I was sent to analyze this species.”
“Forgive me, I am not yet used to this sun.”
“The gravity is oddly high at these coordinates.”
“Where is the nearest location to procure non-sentient nutrients?”
“Have you seen anything…strange…pass by?”
“We were once many…”
“The last individual asked me that too…”
June 28, 2018
Apparently there is a June 27, 2018
Old Skins
Now pretend I made some thoughtful and telling metaphor about change in life.
June 25, 2018
Humans are Weird - Clicker
Humans are Weird – Clicker“Be careful!” Quilx’tch called out.
Called out too late, he realized sadly as the delicate sample container fell out of his assistant’s manipulators, rolled to the edge of the work surface and teetered for a moment on the edge of the abyss. It caught the diffuse light of the lab one last time and fell over the edge to shatter on the floor.
“I am sorry!” His assistant blurted out. “Oh, we only have two left after this. I am so sorry.”
“Still your mandibles,” Quilx’tch said letting his thorax slump to the floor. “I should have secured it to the wall. This is my responsibility.”
His assistant was still keeping his legs tight to his body in a display of stress.
“Please relax,” Quilx’tch said, reaching over to stroke his assistant’s dorsal line. “This is just the sort of thing you have to learn to deal with when working on human sized bases.”
“We will have to clean up the broken shards,” his assistant said so quietly Quilx’tch barely concealed it.
“Yes, best do that before the human sees the-” Quilx’tch began.
“Hey lil’ buddies!” a third voice startled them. “I heard a crash. Everything okay?”
“I dropped a large sample container,” the assistant said, raising his voice so the human could hear him.
“Ah!”
The human’s face suddenly lit up with pleasure. Quilx’tch refused to let his legs tighten in irritation. He could sense the confusion in his assistant but didn’t bother explaining. The consequences would become obvious soon enough.
“Was it one of the ones with the pressure sensing lids?” the human asked eagerly.
“It was,” the assistant confirmed.
“And you can’t use the tops on other containers right?” the human continued.
“That is true,” the assistant said. “We will recycle it.”
“Can I have it then?” the humans asked. “I’ll help you clean up the mess.”
“I see no issue with that arrangement,” the assistant said eagerly, “if you have a use for it.”
The assistant turned to Quilx’tch and his mentor waved a manipulator in acceptance.
“Sweet!” the human began to bustle around the room cleaning up the shattered container.
“What does he need the pressure sensor for?” the assistant asked Quilx’tch.
“Ask him yourself,” Quilx’tch suggested as he turned back to his work. “I am going to fetch a new container and the securing cables.”
The assistant approached the edge of the work surface and called out to the human.
“What are you going to use the pressure sensor for?” the assistant asked.
The human grinned down at the assistant while dumping the shards into a recycling container. He lifted up the lid, the entire thing fit easily across two of the human’s fingers. He placed his thumb on the mechanical pressure sensor and depressed it with a loud click. The assistant tilted his head to the side in confusion. The human grinned and began depressing the sensor rapidly. The assistant stared in confusion at the clearly amused human for some time before speaking again.
“Why are you doing that?” he asked.
“It’s fun!” the human said brightly. “I used to have one of these as a kid. Got it off a drink bottle. Thanks again little bud.”
The human strolled out, whistling and followed by a rapid-fire clicking. The assistant turned back to where Quilx’tch was wrestling the new container into place, confusion in every joint.
“Don’t ask me,” Quilx’tch said. “Now come help me secure this one.”
June 24, 2018
Sunny Days
Sunshine and water make for a nice mix on a summer day. Have a nice work week everyone.
June 20, 2018
Thinking About Islands
Not much to say. Just thinking.
June 19, 2018
June 18, 2018
Humans Are Weird - What Rock?
Humans are Weird – What Rock“Did you file the samples you collected?” Forth Sister asked as the human walked past.
The human paused in her movements and frowned in a way that was supposed to indicate thought.
“What samples?” she asked.
Forth Sister clicked her mandibles in confusion and raised her head frill a touch.
“You were out on the river’s edge collecting mineral samples for the majority of the morning,” Fourth Sister said, waving her pale green hands in the direction of the door. “You must have at least eighty kilos of sample material in your quarters.”
“Eighty?” the human frowned and then her face relaxed. “Oh you mean the rocks.”
“Yes,” Fourth Sister said with a sigh, letting her frill drop back to lay along her neck. “The ‘rocks’. Please remember to label and report them correctly.”
“Yeah, no.” The human shook her head. “I wasn’t collecting those for samples for the base. It was a private thing.”
“Oh,” Forth Sister said, pausing the movement of her fingers over the data pad and waiting for the human to continue.
However the human merely shrugged and moved away. Fourth Sister watched her disappear down the corridor with confusion. She considered pursuing the matter but her data pad chimed to remind her of her next task and she made a note to bring up the matter again at the midday meal.
She easily found the correct human again at meal time. This human wore a rather large array of outer-ear ornaments. Fourth Sister was quite proud of herself for not flinching back in natural horror from the visual of cold steel piercing not only the outer protective membrane but also the cartilaginous substructure. It was still hard not to think about it as she carefully folded her legs around the human formed bench.
“Greetings human,” Fourth Sister said.
The human looked up from her meal and one of the hairy, protective eye ridges rose seemingly disconnected from any other movements on her face. Fourth Sister fought down a shudder of revulsion and made a note to research what the gesture meant.
“Susan,” the human said.
“Excuse me?” Fourth Sister asked.
“My name,” the human said clearly. “What I wish to be called, is Susan.”
“I see,” Fourth Sister said. “Susan. So about our earlier conversation-“
“What earlier conversation?” the human, Susan, interrupted.
“The one where you informed me that the, rocks, you collected were not scientific specimens,” Fourth Sister clarified.
“What about it?” Susan demanded.
“If they were not specimens then what were they?” Fourth Sister asked.
“What business is that of yours?” Susan asked, her voice dropping into aggressive tones.
“It is my business to catalogue all scientific specimens that are collected by the base population,” Fourth Sister explained. “The Ranger Corps requires a designated specimen monitor.”
“They didn’t have one on Rough End base,” Susan observed.
“It only applies to bases that are near a population center,” Fourth Sister explained. “It is to prevent accidental contamination.”
“Oh, makes sense,” Susan said with a nod. “Well I was just collecting some rocks for a private merchant project. I checked all the regulations and the local rivers are all clear for the locals to interact with.”
“A merchant project,” Fourth Sister repeated as she entered the data in her pad. “You are correct, there is no need for me to report that.”
“Good, so we done here?” Susan asked.
“Formally. Yes.” Fourth Sister answered. “However,” her frill raised in curiosity, “what value do these rocks possess?”
“Oh, nothing intrinsic,” Susan said her face curving into a grin. “I am making pet rocks for the tourists.”
“Pet rocks?” Fourth Sister asked.
“Yeah,” Susan stooped and dug into a bag by her side. “I bought some printer time and printed out paper boxes and bedding and hand wrote the instructions on the side. See?”
Fourth Sister bent over the box and tilted her head from side to side to get a good look at it. It was a basic carrying box with “Alien Pet Rock” printed on the front. On the side were instructions for ‘training’ and ‘care’ for the rock. Fourth Sister considered for a long time and lifted her head slowly away.
“Tourists pay money for this?” She finally asked.
Susan burst out in laughter and tossed the box and its contents back into the bag.
“Yeah, the humans who come through the city love this sort of thing.” She said. “I am thinking about painting green antenna on it to make it more alien.”
“Humans buy rocks of no intrinsic value,” Fourth Sister said softly.
“If you package it right they do,” Susan said cheerfully. “Now I have to go get the rest ready to take to my vendor.”
June 17, 2018
A Little Help Please - What Is That Show
Image UnrelatedSo while binging the latest season of my current favorite show on that website that is made for binging there was a scene where a character's "Monsters & Manna" character transformers from a bulky bar'maid' into a generic low level sorcerer. It was a strange episode. Anyway the sorcerer had a hooded cloak with a wide hood. The image reminded me so strongly of *something* that it dragged me right out of the show I was watching and into a fragment of a scene from something I had watched ages ago. At first all I had was an image of a figure in a wide-hooded cloak, then came an angsty feeling, then slowly, bit-by-bit, I dredged up a plot thread.
So, it is an animated feature from sometime between late 70's and early 90's. The animation style is a lot like "The Princess and the Goblin".
The princess/female antagonist is questing through a dungeon in search of the prince/male antagonist. She keeps getting bothered/assaulted by a deformed figure in rags and the wide-hooded cloak (that triggered the memory but she either chases or scares it off. Plot twist, the figure is actually the en-spelled prince/male antagonist who was trying to warn her away from the witch/wizard who runs the dungeon.
Does anyone recognize this cartoon?
